I see this guy at the gym. I see that he occasionally shoots me a few looks, nothing strange, but he just looks at me as I am working out. As he is about to leave, he takes a look back at me. Again, I don’t think much of it, but I leave soon after he does.

Well, I end up at a stop light and he pulls up next to me. He looks over at me again, but I didn’t say or do anything. Against my general judgment, I decide to post an ad on Craigslist in the m4m missed connections section. I gave a general description of a guy where many guys could fit the description.

Well, I get a response and the guy tells me what he was wearing, but he also makes a mention that he is straight as well. I ask a few more questions and it is indeed the same guy who was looking at me in the gym. My question for you is what do you think of the situation?

“Hey Jay! I haven’t been as active on the site as I should. My book, school, n work has officially taken ova my life! I hope all is well at home and at the NEW JOB : )

Hi Jamari,

First of all congrats on the job. I just found one myself. Ain’t God good? Anyway, i  recently met this down low guy. We met online. He is very much in the closet. Has a girl friend. You know the type. He is definitely one of those undetectable types. He’s brown skin, got a nice body, tats, hood swag, everything I like. We’ve only texted since the first time we met and I think he is really interested. We are supposed to get together this weekend and will probably have sex. I want to let him know I like him and try to get him to open up. But he’s so private.

How can I put him at ease and let him know that he can trust me?

Hi Jamari!

I am a straight black female reader of yours for many years and love your blog. I check it every day. I’m sending this email for advice in relation to a situation I’m in with a young man at my university. About a year ago, after being dumped by my ex, I started talk to the guy on Facebook. He’s actually a player on our football team and it’s one of the many things we bonded over. Within a matter of weeks, we fell for each other and began hooking up, with me always spending the night. He is a special kind of guy, loyal, caring, well-spoken. Between looks and personality, he’s my prince charming. I then, due to daddy issues and my recent breakup, became too clingy and needy and we eventually stopped speaking for a month. We then reconnected and I later found out he had started talking to another girl in the time we lost contact, and then stopped when we reestablished contact. We had a falling out a month later, which I admit was my fault, and lost contact again. About a month later we started talking again and both still had feelings for each other. As the months went on we went back and forth between speaking and not speaking. During the last time we didn’t speak during summer break, he started talking to another girl, which he told me about and made me aware that he would be talking to us both at the same time.  I understood and agreed to be just friends. When we got back to school, we had limited contact. He would speak when we saw each other on campus and respond to my good luck/good game texts. Then in September it all stopped. I didn’t hear from him or see him anymore and am sure I was blocked on his iPhone, until last night. We both attended a party on campus. When I said hi, he gave me a hug and asked how I was doing. Later on we danced, very intimately, together for a long period of time. He then invited me over his place before he left, I said yes and that I would let him know when I got home since my dorm is next door to his apartment complex. After he left, he texted me and asked again if I was coming over, and again I said yes.  When I got back to my room, I texted him and he never responded. He has not read my texts since and I believe I am once again blocked. My question is what do you thinks going on, why he keeps getting close and then pushing me away? Could it be because of the other girl and I’m too much of a temptation? He is very interested in her and has been chasing her since the summer, but the feelings don’t seem to be mutual on her end. I really need your help and advice on this situation. My feelings are so deep, I haven’t been able to move on with anyone else.

Thank you for all you do,

Jamari:

I’m going on year two in the ATL and I have fallen hard for a stripper. He does his work and comes homes to me but since he is bi-sexual, I feel like I’m competing with the foxes and hyenas in order to have his attention.

He has goals and ambitions and wants me included with them but I can’t shake all the females (or its more of him) that can’t shake them off with the texts and meeting them at the club esp. when foxes, wolves, and hyenas bring their “female” foxes.

I have fallen hard and we got so much in common but I want him all to myself and not share with anyone (Foxes or wolves included).  Any advice?

*sighs* Imma make this short….

Okay so about a year and a half ago I meet this guy off of a social media website and we instantly became friends. He lives in VA and I live in ATL and It’s like we clicked on so many different levels and would talk almost everyday. We called each other brothers and would share our things that happened in our daily lives, work, friends, family, and even our sex business and the dudes we were dealing with. I’m going to be honest, he is kinda “loose” and gets around alot with niggas he meets on Jack’d, Twitter, and even FB but he was such a good friend and we always laugh and have alot in common that I never judged him (who am I to judge) and didnt matter because I was so happy to have finally found a friend that I felt that I could talk to about being bi without being judge and vice verse without any obligations for sex.

Well I was wrong. A couple of months ago, I get a text from this friend telling me that he appreciates the fact that I’m always here to listen to him and give him advice, something that he can’t find with all of these niggas that he fucks and that he really feels a connection to me. At first I thought that he was just saying that he likes me as a friend and that I feel like family to him but then he text me on some shit like “Yo, you might hate me for saying this but if I came to ATL, I would beat dat shit outta da frame til you can’t take dat shyt no more”…

Now I ain’t gon lie, that text would be cool if it was another nigga that I was talking to but coming from him it just felt idk “awkward” b/c I never even looked at him in that way. Yeah he sexy, got a nice complexion, teeth, tattoos, nice body and about 6’2 but I just see him as a brother and that from that day forth he been sending me overly-sexual text messages and every time we talk on the phone it always turns into him talking bout that he wanna come see me and that he wanna fuck.

I know that you and your readers might think im crazy for even second guessing this shit and questioning it but I’m just starting to feel like this nigga don’t got an ounce of respect for me. I thought what me and him had was special and that we had a bond like family, but the fact that he texting me all the same shit he text other niggas that he fucks and forgets rubs me the wrong way like “damn nigga I thought you just seem me as a friend and keep that shit to yaself man. I told him that shit is kinda making me feel uncomfortable and to stop but i guess it just goes in one ear and out the other.

When I try to change the convo he just finds his way back to some sex shit and it’s really starting to turn me off from even wanting to talk to him honestly.

So my question is:

1) What do you think I should do, cut him off or take some space?

2) Why do you think that it is so hard to find friends in this lifestyle that actually just like you as a friend and not a potential fuck buddy when they done dealing with other niggas?