inside jamari fox

When I was dealing with Work Wolf,
the anticipation of what was going to happen next took me under.
The anxiety over which vixen he’d be into next left me spiraling.
I made the mistake of falling deeply in love with him,
hoping he’d finally see me and choose me.
Every time I saw him at work with another vixen,
whether it was talking or he spoke about his interest,
my heart would race and I’d find myself in the bathroom.
I’d be physically sick from stress and I’d “release” by throwing up.
Bad enough,
I was dealing with so much on my plate from work and horrible bosses.
When that finally ended and we went our separate ways,
I weighed 120 lbs from 160.
I am 5’11.

Fast forward to my last job.
I was under so much stress by the consistent work load they’d pile on me.
Front desk,
office manager,
mail clerk,
payroll,
greeting celebrities,
and being a personal assistant to everyone in the office.
Every day,
I would be picked apart and nit picked by all 3 of my bosses.
Nothing I ever did was right.
Despite being well-liked by many,
including the celebs that walked in the door,
my bosses’ jealousy and envy made my days a living nightmare.
The daily pressure had me running to the bathroom to throw up after every meal.
At my going away party,
the photos showed a gaunt,
almost unrecognizable face.
I wear a 32 in pants but had to tighten my belt to the last hole.

this morning,
it happened again…

I couldn’t help but wonder,
are people underpaid and underfucked according to the news?

in one forest,
it feels like we’re inching closer to a dystopian nightmare a la the handmaid’s tale.
in my forest,
it seems like everyone around me is having their brains fucked out,
one way or another.
i saw this today…

as a millennial,
i’ve seen countless one hit wonders fade into obscurity.
even if i had hope they’d be here for the long run,
they didn’t have that “je nais se quois” to become timeless.
if this were the late ’90s or early 2000s,
ice spice would have melted after “munch“...

in my line of business,
major holiday weekends are when all the good drama goes down.
if it’s not political shit then it’s celebrity shit.
for the start this memorial day weekend,
and in “you can’t take us nowhere” news,
i was sent in tyga and travis scott having a full blown brawl at cannes.
this is the alleged footage…

Christian Combs has GOT to find an identity outside of his father.

…because at this moment,
his father is public enemy number one and when you are have his same face,
it will not end well for you either.
learning to read the room is a skill many can’t perfect.
remember:

“ME!
ME!
ME!”

…will have you fucked up each and every time.
so why did christian combs and quincy brown decide this was the right moment for…

Are they really sad because he isn’t his past self,
or because he switched it up to fit society’s standards?

when i saw that tweet,
i remembered a past situation.
during one of my most intense struggles in my timeline,
i was dragged to a community center known for being a safe space for gay youth.
as someone who didn’t feel comfortable being gay yet,
the experience was a bit too deep for my then-fragile comfort zone.

It was there that I first noticed him...