What’s the sickest you’ve been in public?
i’ve had some shit (literally) unfold,
but i was able to get my tail home in time.
you know i’m always straight up with you.
this is gonna be a full blown “TMI” story.
before we start…
I’m banishing “Chopt“.
“chopt” is a restaurant that served salads that i “liked”.
even though i like the arms of the cutie behind the counter,
i think his ass had me fucked up this evening.
today was a crazy ass day.
i had to deal with a ton of work,
different issues popped up unexpectedly,
and i had to handle some really big celebrity clients.
i didn’t get to eat lunch until late.
after a weekend of detoxing and fasting,
i was trying to eat healthy.
in like an hour after eating,
i started feeling crazy nauseous.
i felt like i was in a washing machine on spin cycle.
when i went to the bathroom on my floor…
All the stalls were taken
my ass felt like it would explode at any moment.
the devil was tempting me to fart,
but i could feel that wouldn’t have ended well.
when i went to use the public bathroom in the lobby…
Big ass “OUT OF ORDER” sign
by this time,
the demons in my organs had all ganged together to plot my destruction.
i ended up on another floor and they allowed me to use their bathroom.
i’m still shocked i made it that far,
I didn’t even get to sit on the toilet
it came out so fast and disrespectful.
it woulda been a wrap if i didn’t get to a stall at that moment.
it was similar to this scene in “bridesmaids“:
for the next few hours,
i was throwing up and doing a heavy #2.
my day started out so great and ended on such a horrible note.
my bosses were understanding tho.
they saw just how sick i was.
i stayed way past the time i was supposed to leave.
they got me a uber to get home.
they told me if i’m sick to stay home tomorrow.
that woulda been all well and good…
If I didn’t look in my pocket and realized I took an important office key home
lowkey: all i could think is if i ate that “chopt”,
but ended up going to that premiere of “snowfall”.
i would have never shown my face in public again.