atp,
i’m running out of clown makeup.

last week,
i learned another lesson the hard way when it comes to certain wolves.

clearing your schedule a wolf can backfire in your face,
especially when he has shown past signs of low effort.

i made space,
moved things around,
and got ready to experience pleasure.
none of that happened and i looked so fuckin’ stupid to myself.
the worst part?…

the lack of respect when i reached out to find out my time was being wasted.
“something came up”,
which means if i didn’t reach out,
i’d still be sitting there waiting.

i was tilted AF but i realized this lesson once again:

every time i treat my own life like a stage,
where i emotionally make a wolf-butreallya-jackal the headliner,
i end up looking like a clown.

and you know what?
that is 110% ON ME.

on the flip side,
when i didn’t perform and wolves auditioned for my time,
i could see their clown behavior under their performance.

when am i gonna learn performing is not the same as being valued?
that’s self sabotage dressed up as kindness.

my takeaway is we have to protect our time and emotions like they’re expensive and exclusive.

many of these jackals are clowns and if we aren’t careful,
they’ll emotional bankrupt us with their circus.

lowkey: my biggest issue is looking past the truth in hopes of good.
it never ends up being good for me.