i’ve had many jobs in my life.

Social Worker
Personal Assistant

Prostitution Whore
Trash Collector

…but the one job that i never did successfully was to be “me“.
i know you are wondering what i’m fonting about.
i have been all of those things to males that i really wanted to be with.
i saw one i took a liking to,
or realized that he was attracted to me,

…filled out an application to be what i thought he needed.

His style was wack? Got him.
Needed to vent about his current or ex? There.
Needed his dick sucked while he listened to sad Drake? Heard.

all while i was treated like shit when these dudes were “good“.
they only hired me back when they were lonely,
or horny.
once i was used up,
i was fired from those positions and someone else took my place.
when i saw a wolf that i was attracted to,
the first thing that i thought to myself was:

How can I be his ultimate fantasy?

…and for whatever reason,
i chose an internal career that equaled “doormat” or “mr. nice guy”.
i think many gay males do this too tbh.
we didn’t grow up with the proper role models to teach us to love.
we learned how to fill out temporary temp gigs in hopes of being chosen.
so our default skills are:

“Intense Sexual Gratification”
“Being The Help”

we are taught by our peers to suck dick good,
be open to whatever male is sexually attracted to us,
do schemes and scams to make survive,
or be “something” to help push the straights forward into success.
the goal is to be chosen or permanently hired.
if we don’t learn boundaries and establish who we are from jump,
it’s all temporary.
it hurt me to think that even though i put in work…

 I was only temporary to some of these idiots.

…when they weren’t even qualified for any positions with me either.

lowkey: the guys that fell in love with me,
albeit i wasn’t into them,
but it was pretty simple when i think about it.

Author: jamari fox

the fox invited to the blogging table.


  1. Max Konnor posted yesterday he wants companionship and love and grindr and vibes is all he’s getting

    And many other sex workers have been expressing that sentiment
    And it makes me realize

    This community can be its own worst enemy because we lack emotional maturity and so would rather have meaningless casual hookups so when we turn 30+ we’re unable to carry relationships to fruition. So many gay men want something for nothing. Asking men to send money before the first link. Using men like women. Looking for providers but can’t provide

    When men get comfortable with their manhood and growing as men, vs the mean girl cattiness and cliquish behavior, having our friends determine who they should date based on swag levels and clout

    We will be a lot better off #My2Cents

    1. ^ most people don’t know themselves in this life.
      all they know is sex,
      throw shade,
      and be emotionally stunted.

      many gay males need therapy or at least open up a self help book.

    2. ^ therapy def was a game changer for me,
      but i have a ton of self help books i read.
      they didn’t help once i started going to therapy and understood the lessons,
      but i was always on a quest to be emotionally stronger.

  2. Chile if this ain’t a whole podcast conversation to be had. I vent my frustration with gay black men on here because this is an open gay forum so I can be transparent as opposed to withholding in non gay spaces. Where are the standards? Where are the morals? Where is the self awareness? Where is the compassion? Where is the grace? Where is the ability to hold a conversation outside of sex? Like gay men limit themselves so much and self sabotage themselves out of true love all because they just want a nut. Yes I’m painting with broad strokes because I have YET to find something that says otherwise.

    Everybody keeps saying that you have to start out as friends. How Sway? When gay men want to be catty instead of communicating clearly and maturely… when gay men want to hook up within 5 seconds of meeting… when gay men rather cruise discreetly than approach confidently??? I just don’t get it. I’ve had guys looking for me on Grindr while at the gym instead of just walking up to me and shooting their shot. Gay dating is utter mayhem yet I’ll be on the apps tonight once more. Smdh

  3. Here is the thing some of us don’t realize, we don’t have to find a relationship where we fit in on their plan. We forget the main one; ourself. Stop approaching these guys telling what you will do for them. You just gonna end up hurt because that’s all they want from you.

    I have a zero tolerance for Jack’d Grindr or any other app bullshit. You meeting the same people. You either going to run into the same cycle, they want to meet up but have too many excuses or if you do find one, you gon end up leaving them where you found them because that’s where they are always on.

  4. What I failed to realize is, I want take the bullshit from new people but I have allowed it from people in my past. Simple reason because they know me. We call each other when we need to have porn star sex. Then go back to our regularly schedule program. These are guys who I have dated or tried to date and we have had sex many times.

    My thing is, if you can only text me on Jack’d or Grindr when you have my whole number, I’m not interested anymore. That means you rather keep searching for either somebody to fuck or find a backup relationship before we even try. I don’t multi task relationships. If we can’t try together, let me help you out and leave you alone until you find what you are looking for.

    1. Yes they do that on ig too

      Gave a guy my number he never used it when he finally did he was dry as shit

      But always in my stories and commenting .. this is a 30+ year old

      1. But have whole conversations on IG or whatever “we like the same things” but don’t act like that when you actually talk to them, like am I distracting you or you just talking to me to kill time before you go back online.

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