“things could be worse”.
like a marquee going through my head.
i woke up out my sleep at 630am.
looking in my bank account just now,
i started playing scenarios in my head of “worse”.
sitting at a corner holding up a sign.
trying to keep warm with twenty cats and a cardboard box.
i even saw myself drinking a urine cocktail.
“jumping ahead, much?”…
some money had to be deducted out of my ue.
it’s not bad,
but its not entirely good either.
i am still able to survive.
thank god i know how to adjust.
thank god i got help for my shopping addiction too.
i can create an air tight budget that i can stick to,
but i know this “life” is not what i want.
times like this,
i think about star fox.
i miss calling him when i needed reassurance.
to hear his stories on “where he was”.
sleeping from house to house,
and seriously turning 15 cents into dollars.
he made it work.
i don’t know how,
but he did.
he would always tell me to pray.
be thankful for even the smallest blessings.
he would tell me:
“jamari your life is not as bad as you make it out to be.
you been through worse.
you just need to learn to chill and stop worrying so much.”
i’m so use to being in control,
that when i’m not,
i don’t know how to just relax.
i started to think about being grateful.
yes things could be ten times worst.
there are people out there who are ________.
you can fill in all the “worst case”.
is it wrong to still have a little worry?
does that mean you are even more or less blessed?
or should you just shut up and enjoy the ride?
i think im too busy being a backseat driver.
i told “him” where i want to go,
yet i’m still questioning the route on where “he” is taking me.
see what i did there?
funny enough i don’t worry about meeting a wolf these days,
and more interested on creating a better life for myself.
dick is the least of my worries at the moment.
I couldn’t help but wonder…
Could you be grateful and shit just happens?
lowkey: funny how you forget what you been through,
and what you came out of.
this is child’s play compared to my “worse”.