i thinkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk i’m over it.
i dunno,
but i’m just over it.
it was weird how fast i snapped out of it to.

sidebar: i really think living with that demon i stayed with changed me.

one minute,
i was so excited about him looking in my direction again.
i couldn’t wait to get on The Foxhole and font about it,
but then i did something after feeling a touch of “perfectionism” come over me…

the part of me that wanted to “impress” him so he wouldn’t leave.
i felt myself trying to mute my colors in hopes of him choosing me for the next era.

i spent a little while looking at his IG and was,
just,
over it.

don’t get me wrong but he looks good,
dresses well,
traveling,
and clearly has money now.
it wasn’t that.
i has two thoughts:

first thought: was i ever attracted to him?

there are some wolves i am drawn to.
looking at him through new eyes,
i didn’t feel a spark within me.

second thought: i just remembered how i felt when he made me feel unseen.

how it felt when he was a coward.
how it felt when he chose others over me.
how it felt when he ignored me.
how it felt when he hurt me 2 times before.
how it felt when a younger jamari had hope for him.

he is not a good person.
he is not a good person to me.
no matter how he wandered over to my forests after all these years:

he didn’t hit me up to even see how i was.

i think that was what turned me off.
that is who he has been pretty much since i knew him.

a follower and outside of his new identity,
he is kinda boring and fake.

i need a leader.
i need a big dick wolf boss who is gonna see me.

this pineapple ain’t it.

he was never “the one“,
and as much as i wanted him to be:

i think a younger jamari finally opened his eyes.

i wish him well.