i took my ass back to therapy today.
i didn’t realize just how bad living with that person hurt me.
it was actually really affecting me mentally,
spiritually,
and emotionally.
after i told my new therapist everything that went down,
that i had to compress within an hour,
they said…

“you were broken down when you were at your lowest moment.
they took advantage of you and basically tried to use control over you.
you dealt with not only that,
but a year of other traumatic stress in NY.
you have to give yourself grace and some time to get back on your feet.”

i think my problem is i was trying to move forward,
but i was moving really slow or not moving at all.
my patience has been really thin too.
anything that reminds me of that asshole,
including whatever my boss has been doing lately,
has me wanting to go TF off.
i think that is why it was so easy to drop “him” from the last entry too.
anyone that isn’t or didn’t treat me good gotta go.
i know one thing:

i started to cry once i heard myself actually speaking about what went down.

…and then i became furious and wanted to rip them to shreds.
hurt cancer = the claws are sharpened.
that’s when i knew i wasn’t over that story.
the chapter been ended,
and i put that book is on the shelf when i started this new chapter,
but i often open up that book and revisit moments that happened.

i find myself reading the text messages with the real hurtful shit sometimes too.

i don’t know why i’ve been doing that but yeah,
i’m not ready yet because how i’ve been feeling internally:

…and its not a good place when i’m there.

lowkey: therapy really drained me today tbh.
i slept pretty much all day to recoup.