i am a hoarder.
i like to hoard things for the memories they provide.
that movie ticket with that wolf that gave me a good time.
the umbrella from my daiquiri to remember the fun times with friends.
that used condom from when a wolf blew my back out.
i’m totally kiddin on that last part.
i like to hoard these things to hold on to the “past”.
one thing i use to hoard was people.
holding on to what they use to bring,
rather than seeing that they don’t bring that same joy anymore.
i know you felt that one.
some of them just vanished.
others we had falling out.
then the ones who you see in public and they try to avoid you.
i still kept their numbers just in case.
just in case what tho?
so i had to ask…
Do you hoard people in your life?
i was looking in my phone contacts yesterday,
looking at all these names of people i use to know,
and something came over me that i started just deleting.
i’m in a place in my life where “real recognizes real”.
you’re not gonna sit on the mantle piece of my emotions,
scattered all over my soul,
sometimes dusting you off because you came back,
but not realizing your time is over in my life.
see thats the trap right there!
“well shawn use to call me all the time,
we use to have long conversations,
but he don’t do it no more.
ima keep him around in case we go back to that moment.”
or my favorite:
“derrick use to fuck the shit out of me.
we did it a couple times,
but mow he doesn’t answer my texts or phone calls.
one day tho…
one day ima get that dick again.”
i’m here to tell you,
you are being an idiot.
don’t worry because i was one too.
that d/l wolf ain’t callin to fuck again.
that vixen ain’t callin because she met new friends.
that dude you use to rock with can’t handle you no more.
those people brought something temporary in your life.
from good conversations,
good nights club hoppin’,
great sex when your body needed it,
and even being dependable when no one else was around.
they may have outgrown you.
even started to despise you.
either way you look at it,
they’re done with you and you should be too.
“hold on to the loveeeeeee”…
should not be the current en vogue song playing in your life now.
it can be a bitch to let go for some good reason.
so what do we do?
hoard em until we feel it’s time to detach ourselves.
why do we like to hoard the people with great memories?
is it faith they will come back around?
are we just being “good ol mister dependable”?
or is it just that we hold on!… because we don’t want to be alone?
it’s a safe feeling to know you have a contact list filled with people.
well my contact list is now down to about 35.
i had 500 old friends and dicks on my mental mantle and attic.
it was hard to let them go,
because i kept wondering what would happen if they called,
but am i just fooling myself?
so when it comes to hoarding in our lives…