today, i spent the entire day cleaning up the joint.
it was a basic apartment cleaning to throwing out a ton of shit.
i had clothes in laundry bags for the last 3 months.
i didn’t realize that i had so much shit.
so much of my old clotheswere bagged up for the red cross. skin and hair care products that i don’t use went down the trash chute.
as it was all sitting on my floor,
damn near taking upmost of the space in my room,
i came to realize something about myself.
i am a hoarder. that’s right.
i like to hoard things for the memories they provide.
that movie ticket with that wolf that gave me a good time.
the umbrella from my daiquiri to remember the fun times with friends. that used condom from when a wolf blew my back out. i’m totally kiddin on that last part.
i like to hoard these things to hold on to the “past”.
one thing i use to hoard was people.
holding on to what they use to bring,
rather than seeing that they don’t bring that same joy anymore. i know you felt that one.
some of them just vanished.
others we had falling out.
then the ones who you see in public and they try to avoid you.
i still kept their numbers just in case. just in case what tho?
so i had to ask…
There comes a time when you realize “this thing we have” is over.
There are many ways to tell:
Looking at the other person and realizing they don’t make you smile anymore. Seeing every flaw and negative thing they do. That face you once loved starts to bother you. The thought of their existence makes your blood pressure start to rise.
So, why do we hold on?
Why do we still keep that grasp on someone that we know we should be letting go of?
Why do we allow them to cause us pain, when they are to selfish an self absorbed to realize?
I started to wonder…
Why do we make it so hard to let go,
when the other person is already gone?