How Can I Be Over You, But I Still Keep Going Back?

Done.
Finito.
Kaput.
…or is it?

There comes a time when you realize “this thing we have” is over.
There are many ways to tell:

Looking at the other person and realizing they don’t make you smile anymore.
Seeing every flaw and negative thing they do.
That face you once loved starts to bother you.
The thought of their existence makes your blood pressure start to rise.

So, why do we hold on?
Why do we still keep that grasp on someone that we know we should be letting go of?
Why do we allow them to cause us pain, when they are to selfish an self absorbed to realize?
I started to wonder…

Why do we make it so hard to let go,
when the other person is already gone?

I get it.
You grew attached.
You let this person into your life and they matched your ideal characteristics.
But, they did something that hurt you.
It hurt you bad.
It made you shed tears almost.
Yet, you still entertain them.

I don’t think you get why you need to let go.
One, It isn’t healthy.
Two, you are “person hoarding“.
Person hoarding is holding onto the shell of someone who has long gone.
All that is left is hurt and pain.
But, it isn’t so much the act of letting go that is the hardest.
It is the “what if” that keeps that shell around.

“What if they change?”
“What if they finally notice I am great?”
“What if?…”

….but here is some hard truth,
if they haven’t realized you are a good person so far,
they probably won’t.
The idea of keeping them in our contact lists and social media sites is silly also.
At any point when they finally say “bye“,
it will cause us to react.

I started to think about letting go of human shells who take up space in our lives.
Why do we keep them around?
Is it to stalk their social media to see if they are happy?
Is it a comfort thing?
Or, are we just hoping, wishing, and praying that person finally sees “us”?
We need to think of them like the day before.
And on that day, it was trash day.
We are letting this person stay in our “today” for way too long.
But, like the Boyz 2 Men song…

Why is it so hard to say goodbye to “yesterday”?

Author: jamari fox

the fox invited to the blogging table.

6 thoughts on “How Can I Be Over You, But I Still Keep Going Back?”

  1. When we are with someone we have an emotional connection with them that will always remain. When that person doesn’t want to leave or wants to come back in our lives, we have to think about all the harm that they caused in the past. Some people out there will never change, and we keep giving them chance after chance and they still don’t wake up, so we have to let them go.

  2. When there is a strong emotional moment (good or bad), it’s hard to shake off. And if it opened you up to some nice & wonderful things, you kinda hold onto that irrational thread that says the person that caused those feelings can do it again…

    I’m not longer in love with my 1st love, but I still care about him – despite my attempts to stop. It is what it is, I just know I always have to keep my rational mind in the front when/if I ever deal with him again.

    1. Do you keep in touch with him? If you do, and hang out, do you have to mentally distance yourself so that you do not get caught up with your feelings?

      1. No. One of my college buddies ran into him not too long ago, and said he asked about me. Just hearing that had me running the whole gamut of reactions. I haven’t seen him in years, so I’m not sure how I would react, honestly. It’d be a cross between wanting to slap him & fvck him on the spot lol

  3. I agree with Wolf and Man.

    In addition to that, there’s a small part of us that hopes things will change and get better. Maybe one day, he WILL realize how great we were.

    The problem is, that realization only comes after we leave. Staying around waiting for it will ensure it never happens.

    This post hit home for me. This is something I recently dealt with. Feels like a death,

  4. First Jamari, you must be on some good shit because the topics you come up with are mind blowing and always seem to hit home. That statement of wanting someone and they dont want you and the person who wants you, you dont want hit so close to home. I am dealing with this exact situation at the moment. I will turn back flips for this one dude and he pays me none, only after getting stronger from the comments and insight of this blog, do I just leave this situation alone and not wait on him to come around and like me, I try to be a better person for someone to appreciate me. Well hence the other problem, I have several dudes appreciating me, but none of them move me, so Im just like forget all of them, I just cant fake the funk with someone Im not into. I really never have a problem letting dudes go, I just cut out all contact with them, their friends and family members, its much easier that way. As much as it hurts, Im too prideful to let them see me hurting, I withdraw into myself and just deal with it, and the pain slowly goes away, but it always makes it harder for me to trust again and believe in the next dude. This topic is like Gay 101, I think every dude in this life has had to deal with this situation.

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