I Was Thinking About Work Wolf Today (Learning Lessons)

ya know,
i get really amazing emails from the foxhole.
i always get a lot of emails about the “work wolf saga”.
i can’t lie,
but the foxhole helped me get through that.
it was one of the toughest trials in my life.
i have been thinking about work wolf,
my past situations,
and all the lessons i learned from them and in-between.
i wanted to share a few with the foxhole…

– stop seeing “the potential” because the current situation is what  he truly is.
accept him as what he is now and not what i think he could be.
only HE can become the potential on his own.

– sometimes,
i was seeing my own potential in someone i was attracted to

– straight males can sniff out an insecure gay a mile away.
they will befriend you because they know you’re attracted to them.
once they find a way into your head,
they will use that to take advantage of you without even touching you.
the moment ya’ll fall out,
he’ll try to ruin your reputation and make you look like some predator.
months will go by and he’ll come crawling back.
always keep that door closed.
just move

– all that looking and staring most of these curious males do can lead to nowhere.
he will not fuck you until he is ready to do so.
most of the times,
he won’t be.
he is comfortable looking and staring.

you’ll spend all these days and nights obsessing over him,
while he is balls deep in some vixen.
keep it moving

– the jack off fantasy of the “crush” is often better than the actual crush

– these work out warriors are nice to look at,
but 98% of them are still that wack dude mentally.
they are still the skinny/overweight loser that no one wanted to fuck with back in high school.
the one who was bullied.
this new bawdy is a mask that they think hides the insecurities.
until they work on themselves mentally,
they’ll be set in their ways.
don’t let that “confident instagram” fool you.
he’s still wack af

– just because he has muscles doesn’t mean he’s a “man”.
we often think muscles means “masculine”.
by “masculine”,
i don’t mean how he likes to fuck.
a lot of males out here move real feminine due to how they were raised.

– males who brag about what they have aren’t use to anything nice.
those types grew up poor and now want to show the world they “made it”.
they will constantly want nicer things,
get bored very fast,
and will replace you in a heartbeat once your novelty wears off

– just because a gay male has a reputation of being a hoe,
that doesn’t mean you should be added to his body count

– when i was acting crazy and not giving a fuck,
that was when i was my most attractive to males.
the moment i lost star fox,
and a neediness got a hold of me,
i became a hardcore people pleaser.
i think if i didn’t lose that side of me,
i’d be happier.

– some of my crushes were straight,
but i fell for them because they were everything physically that i was attracted too.
mentally and emotionally tho,
they were disgusting and treated everyone around them like shit

– i wanted to fuck most of my crushes than actually be with them.
the ones i wanted to be with i created a fantasy of what i thought being with them would be like.
a crush is basically all in our heads

– you spend 8+ hours of your day at work so it’s easy to form a crush

– when someone shows you who they are; believe them

– when the man you’re attracted to tells you that he has no friends,
there is a reason why

– any male who says “you’re so cool and i’m not leaving your life” is foreshadowing that he will be leaving your life

– married wolves spend the fastest money and the sex is usually amazing,
but he can never be trusted with anything other than financial or physical.
“i want to leave my wife/i’m so unhappy at home” is the oldest trick in the book.
they will never leave

– this isn’t the most “politically correct” statement,
but i had the most fun when i was playing “the side hoe” to some dl wolf

  • – the dl is there to fuck and have mindless fun with.
    the moment you start falling for them is when you approach the danger zone
  • -relationships are hard work.
    it isn’t just sex or some fantasy out the movies.
    it’s having to learn a whole other human.
    it has certain aspects that i don’t think most gay males understand.
    i think we fall for the physical aspect and run from anything else.
    this is why most of us feel so alone and empty.
    we have no one to share ourselves with besides sexual.
    we should stop this
  • – dating is like playing a card game.
    some males take better when you treat em like shit,
    others love constant attention,
    and the rest go on their mood for that day.
    to date males requires listening,
    sexual fulfillment,
    and truthfully what move to play next.
    everyone pretty much tells you who they are without saying it.
    the things males post on social media are often the biggest clues.
    you can have someone wrapped around your finger if you watch them carefully and know what cards to play.
    i learned that from my gold digging friends
  • – any male who says “i don’t like to play games” often times plays the most games
  • – anyone who jumps from relationship to relationship after break ups is trash
    they cannot be trusted because your replacement is already waiting behind a tree

– anyone who doesn’t take time to heal after a relationship is trash

– anyone who tells me who i should be “dating” is trash.
most of the times they are single af and have the biggest and most outrageous standards too

– 95% of males are trash

– i won’t ever do the sequel to a “work wolf saga” again.

there is a lot more,
but that’s all i could think of at the moment.
i’m tired af today.
if you have any,
please please please share with me!!!
i’d love to know what you’ve learned from your past experiences too.

Author: jamari fox

the fox invited to the blogging table.

36 thoughts on “I Was Thinking About Work Wolf Today (Learning Lessons)”

  1. I think what causes these situations to be so difficult and hard to let go, is the lack of male company and my sensitivity. By nature I’m very affectionate so I crave intimacy deeply and I’ll admit I do require a certain amount of attention. I can stand on my own two feet, but I’ve learned I’ll always want some loving in my life, especially during the hard times. I have my family and friends but it’s not enough. Is that bad? Lol.

    My homegirl is always like ‘Play these n*ggas and keep it moving!’ but my soft ass is like ‘Noooo that’s not me’ Ugh 😫

  2. all of this is so very true and a learning experience to finding yourself….although I’m going to be honest I somewhat miss my hoe-adjacent days, because I didn’t give af about a dude after I got what I wanted from him and it seemed like that was the time I met a lot of good guys that I could have dated but I had no time for all that foolery.

    1. ughh sounds like a dick hole actually I was meaning more I wasn’t so emotionally invested in a dude that said one thing and his action meant something else like I am now. I met a lot of decent or actually more honest guys then than I did currently while I’m looking for something serious.

  3. My heart is filled with so much love, compassion and empathy toward other black gay men. I see so much division, brokenness, hurt, isolation, rejection, and loneliness within our community. Until we heal from past hurt, we will continue to hurt each other.

  4. I pray everyone of you get to experience the love of a man who genuinely loves you back, even inspite of the mistakes you’ve made; it is the greatest feeling EVER. Yes, the above happens sometimes; but don’t allow yourself to become so bitter that you expect to be wronged and you become pessimistic and broken. It is human nature to want companionship, but learn to be okay within your own space alone. Find a hobby. Travel the world. Read a book. Be patient. Put the apps down and speak to someone. Show someone a random act of kindness. You’d be surprised who you’d meet.

  5. Jamari, what if some men really can’t find friends and aren’t using that as an excuse? I know a lot of people that find it difficult to connect with others while in college. People clique up super fast and they don’t let anyone in their little circles once they’ve decided they’re filled to capacity. Also, why is that muscled-up, average-looking white guy always trending on the sidebar? Everytime I look up, he’s sure to be there. I just simply don’t understand why he’s so popular on this site.

  6. As I type this Never Gonna Get It by En Vogue plays on the radio. We need to adopt a “never gonna get it” mentality to avoid being done wrong by these game-playing wolves, pineapples, and foxes. GOAT post Jamari!

  7. When you are in a gay or a dl setting,just look at them once( don’t look at them again for the rest of the night) you will spark an interest and they might be asking about you later on or straight up approach you if they bold enough

    Realised when I’m busy with my life that’s when they start pouring down but don’t get caught up (you can still enjoy the D or the ass though but keep it casual)

    Men just like women they like “bad” boys/girls be a bad bitch lol

    Be like the weather towards them especially when you are on talking stage give them spring, sometimes fall, but don’t forget winter to let them know on the low that you don’t have time for them (that’s when they will start acting right if they really down)

    Don’t let a man or even a women get into your head it’s sad to say but many out here are damaged as hell and they out on the rampage ! Do you !

    Go for the sexy guy that wants you more than you want them. Don’t go for the ones that are overwhelming you with their persona (they are the one that will make you go crazy and you don’t want that)

    And again don’t let them get into your head

  8. This reminded me of the 206 episode of Giants. I always fall for the straight one 🤦🏾‍♂️

  9. You hit the head on the nail wilth all of these let me add these:

    – when dealing with bicurious men you will never beat the pussy no matter how good your head game is or tight your foxtail may be, in the end puss always wins.

    – the first small red flag normally leads to a bigger red flag, so don’t ignore it.

    – These straight bicurious guys will not only be able to sniff out your insecurities and feelings for them but turn them in to ways for you to be of some kind of service to them. You’re are either going to be their personal cheerleader, emotional support, or a mix of both.

    – Don’t get stuck on this one type of crush, play the field because best believe he is and while you’re thinking about your feelings about him he’s knee deep in pussy.

  10. This is probably one of your top 3 greatest post on this blog. I can’t believe how relevant all of this is to me. I’m going to copy and post this to my memo…it will saved me from these niggas causing me emotional ruin.

  11. Don’t forget most gay men will not even engage you unless they are sexually attracted to you.

    Gay men typically only befriend men that are very similar or dudes they have fucked, fuck infrequently, or dated in the past.

    Gay men with roommate have either fucked or dated the roommate in the past or shared a penis with them.


      1. Any man that messes with men. Honestly, the behavioral patterns are essentially the same in my opinion.

        Once a DL/Discreet man knows you get down too, they adapt the same behaviors as a typical gay man.

    1. All of this!!! Platonic gay friendship is like an oxymoron. Whenever I see or meet gay friends I automatically assume they have smashed. Sorry not sorry too much evidence to say otherwise.

  12. This list reads like bible quotes I love it. May I add a few of my own?
    When a dude says he’s a nice guy, he’s most definitely the opposite
    Never trust a guy who still close friends with their ex
    No one, especially a millennial, is too busy to text in dis day and age
    Trade can be just as messy as any femme queen, they jus hide it better
    A lie by omission, is still a lie
    Gay men are arch-narcissists and love dating their clones
    When you call a man out, his first instinct is to gaslight
    Never date a Gemini they are emotionally vacant and lack self awareness
    Damn that was therapeutic lol

    1. ^I FELT CHILLS HUGO!!!!
      i didn’t know we was gonna be preaching tonight,
      but i’m glad i started this discussion.
      i felt so good when i released in the entry.
      i got one too:

      – males who say they only date someone who work out and blah blah are lying.
      they will date anyone who makes them feel good.
      males fall for moments and sometimes a moment is you being someone they aren’t use too.

  13. This should be renamed “The Proverbs of Jamari Fox” cause this is a WORD.

    Life is hard to navigate already but its almost 100x harder being openly gay around questionable men who are oftentimes unavailable emotionally or otherwise. Gay men typically use deception and illusion to paint some grandiose portrait of themselves to the outside community. The bigger and more detailed the portrait, the more emotionally unavailable and spiritually damaged the individual.

    You will not find your soulmate on Jack’d BGC, A4A, Grindr, Scruff, Squirt, Boy Ahoy, or anywhere else. Don’t be disillusioned.

    Posts like this is why I fucks with the Foxhole.

    1. ^LOVE THIS!!!
      thank you for sharing your lesson with us.
      the worst is falling for someone unavailable emotionally.
      he will have you feeling so crazy and out of character.

  14. I approved this message to the moon and back, when I tell you, I could have fell out shouting after seeing this one, nothing but 100% facts. Black men, myself included are pieces of work and I am tired of trying to figure them out and I am sure someone who likes me is saying the same thing about me. I can never get on the same page at the same time with someone so now I dont even bother.

    As a gym head I see boys with bodies and looks that will rival any IG attentionista and what I have learned and observed that no matter how you look to them they crave your attention. They love it when you stare and make a fool out of yourself for them by fawning over them and giving them the attention they think they deserve. I check em out still but they never know it and when I see them, I look the other way or pay them none and find as time go on, they start to check you out and wonder about you. If you are willing to play the ignore game and wait around they may sex you just because they become curious, but in the end you will eventually see that it wasnt even worth it at all and you have your shit together way better than them, they only have something superficial that will fade over time. I have seen many a fine man from the past who are fat out of shape biscuit today and they will get with anything that will have them. Remember we all age and get old, so dont waste your time.

    Please listen to Jamari, he has given you a blueprint of what not to do if you want to keep your sanity in gay life, because these dudes will drive you batshit crazy, I am a living witness, as I am guilty of doing many things on this list but not anymore, you truly live an learn.

      having you heartbroken and depressed.
      don’t do it foxhole.

      i’d like to add on to something you said in this wonderful comment:

      if i see a work out warrior in the gym in all his stories and whatever else,
      i’m 99.9% sure he would be horrible to date.
      anyone who spends all their days in the gym,
      with no job in site besides taking pictures,
      is suffering from a “body dysmorphic disorder”.
      meaning you can tell them they are sexy af all day,
      but they are seeing someone fat and out of shape.
      you will constantly have to raise their self worth daily.

  15. Jamari,

    What you’re NOT gonna do is put me in my feelings and give me flashbacks with this list!

    The “I’m not gonna ever leave you” and “I’m not like the rest.” is the kiss of death! After they say that just kiss them like Michael did Fredo and walk away first because its inevitable.

    I’m almost 30 and I’m certain I could NEVER date a man. Mentally none of them are engaging or attractive to me, even the ones that play intellectual think on a very basic level.

      1. I really think its a game for most men. Conquer the seemingly closed off individual and get them to open up and get comfortable with you because they typically don’t.

        Then right when you get used to having them around…POOF.

        Guy I knew had a phrase for it….SLOW DIP. They get off on that shit!

        You got me ready to flip over a table having flashbacks. LOL

        1. ^ and we have to learn to play the game.
          either play the game or sit on the sidelines.
          you brought up a good scenario because that leads to the ghosting and the paranoia.

          “does he like me?”
          “did i do something wrong?”
          “is this why i’m single?”

          and then it adds to:

          “maybe i’m ugly?”
          “if i was ________ he wouldn’t do that to them…”
          “if i was a vixen he would like me…”

          and your self esteem/self worth starts to plummet.
          that was me and when i tell you i’m coming out of the BIGGEST depression i ever had.
          now i feel different and can see more clearly.

          slow drip?
          that is terrible how “ruining someone” is so in.

  16. You literally spoke right to me, and got me in my feelings. I have to do some soul searching. Thank you so much Jamari.

  17. Wow wow wow J.
    #1 ALL of this is BIBLE!!!!!
    #2 I was legit on the treadmill the other day and a notification of a new post popped up and I wondered about you and work wolf for a split second, and then hoped you’d made peace with that situation. ✨

    #3 the only thing I’ll add is to move along at your pace. I was so naive (dare I say thirsty) coming into my own that I gave dudes a lot of power over MY body. imagine literally hiding under beds and in closets for a negro only to get an invitation to his wedding…

    not to be too iyanla, but please to anyone reading, own your beauty, own your booty! own you power, own your penis! LOL LBVS

    1. ^omg #3 of what you just said is so true.
      you can spend days fucking and be dismissed like you never existed.
      that’s just one of the many trials of being a gay male sadly.
      love everything you said!!!

  18. I love all of this! The most difficult thing can be learning ourselves, and once that is accomplished, we can walk in our truths

    1. ^i forgot to add this:

      im glad i went through that work wolf saga because if i didn’t,
      this post wouldn’t even be a thought.
      experience is our greatest teacher.

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