i don’t do the “i like him, but i’m scared of my attraction to other males” types of headaches

i’m very lenient on males who realize they’re attracted to other males,
unlike others.
don’t get me wrong,
some shit makes my head spin around in disgust,
but other things i don’t attack as fast as others.
i’ve been there as being someone who was attracted to other males,
but terrified in allowing myself to feel those feelings.

What will my family think?
What will the people in Barbados think?
What will people that are around me think?

Will I be shunned and ostracized?

no matter the age,
it can be a culture shock and huge life adjustment especially with all the “rules” within this life.
 it’s very scary,
but this is one thing i won’t tolerate…

Do NOT try to get at me if you’re in the middle of the struggle.

i am attracted to males who are confident.
sure,
you can be discreet and private as i am with certain things.
i have no beef with that,
but i need you to UNDERSTAND who you are.
you cannot fuck with me while being scared of yourself.
it just won’t work.
the whole situation will be sloppy and you’ll be in your head the entire time.
that can all lead to abuse and i’m not playing the role of “abused fox” any longer.

the wolves i really liked all had one common trait they shared:

They were in the “curious/should I be feeling this?” to “I’d let him turn me out” awkward stage

…but the fear and being in their head kept the brakes on.
it led to all this back and forth with an anti-climatic end.
going forward,
i will not allow myself to go down that rabbit hole any longer.
for a gay black male who wants love and affection,
that can be the worst thing to get yourself wrapped up into.
they end up moving on to some prop to make them “straight” while you end up being heartbroken.


i’m good.

lowkey: those types aren’t good in bed either.
there is a level of confidence they lack,
the awkwardness is at 1000%,
and insecurity is never sexy.
you can’t fuck me if you’re dealing with those 3 problems.

4 thoughts on “i don’t do the “i like him, but i’m scared of my attraction to other males” types of headaches

  1. I can relate to this on so many levels. Recently, I had to chuck up the deuce to someone I had been feeling for a while. While the flags were red along the way, it took a burgundy “hell naaaah” for me to just call it quits. We always came close to taking it there but as soon as something was on the brink of going down, he’d back out and go on a hiatus. It went from “Bust it open for me” to “bust out your bible and turn to Leviticus” like whaaaat? How do you go from pass me that ass to “don’t pass this post if you’re holy” on IG? Like whaaaaat?

    1. ^oh the christian confusion ones are a dub.

      it will always be “he who cast the first sexual encounter will see hell”…
      and it’ll be a see-saw of their horiness.
      even when they’re married to a vixen,
      they’ll still be fuckin’ and suckin’ on you but it’ll be draining emotionally.

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