How We Hurt Others and Not Even Realize It

tumblr_ms0fkcmGBu1sumrm9o1_500that feeling when…
someone you were once cool with
someone you had a bond with
someone you thought was different than the rest
leaves your life with no explanation.
not only that,
but they act like you don’t exist to them anymore.

they turn their head as you walk by
tries to avoid you
suddenly becoming distant and closed off

they hold what you did wrong as their own secret.
no way can you even explain yourself or even fix the issue.
everything is left unsaid.

that is my relationship with work wolf as of this moment.
it would be better if i didn’t have to see him everyday.
the silent treatment brings back many memories for me…

when i was a cub,
my mother was notorious for using the silent treatment.
she would try it on my father,
but it would never work with him.
she ended up breaking it for his attention.
if i did anything that displeased her,
she would simply stop speaking to me.
she had the gift of looking right through me.
at first i’d be like:

“well fuck you too”

tumblr_inline_nnsmcgAMny1scwnoh_500…but after a few days,
i would start to beg for her attention.
i didn’t want to feel like i was a bad son.
most of the times,
it would just be her and i in the apartment.
that silence would be deafening.
after i ended up crying,
she would break it and not tell me what i did wrong.
she would just move on like it was whatever.

Winston-Crying-on-Pillow-New-Girlso part of my “mental vacation” was not contacting anyone.
simply going rogue and cutting myself off from the world.
from last week,
i had about 20 text messages from different animals.
they were all concerned and confused.
i just didn’t reply to any of their messages due to feeling so down.
when i really thought about it today,
i realized:

i was punishing them because someone was punishing me

that was wrong.
what did they all do to deserve that?
nothing.
it wasn’t fair to them.
in my “beating myself up” mode,
i thought i may have been doing too much.

“he left my life so freely…
maybe it’s me?”

steve-harvey-you-had-one-jobmaybe everyone else did need a break from me.
one animal is doing it,
so maybe that means i might be a bad animal to everyone else.
that “over-thinking” thing i do so well.
so i guess the saying is true…

…Hurt animals hurt animals?

…or “hurt people hurt people” for non-foxholers.

lowkey: its also funny…
how work wolf’s mother also gives him the silent treatment.

#dontjudgeme

Author: jamari fox

the fox invited to the blogging table.

20 thoughts on “How We Hurt Others and Not Even Realize It

  1. My mom used to give me the silent treatment until I apologized for what I did to upset her lol. She tried it with my dad but he had that “I’m the head of the household” attitude so she couldn’t win over there with him.

    And that dude sounds like such a headache. Good luck with everything regardless.

      1. This isn’t about you reaching out to f8x things with him. This is about how you will break the cycle within yourself so you don’t repeat the same issues over and over again. Either you take control and do things different or you allow others and when this happens you end up sad and hurt. You develop co dependent relationships and then when those don’t go through as planned you go this these emotional and psychological pain stops similar to an addit going through withdrawals. You get emotional highs from other people rather than from yourself and then when others disappoint you you fall into this tormented state…you do it when you and mi get into it.. remembering your parents and definitely work wolf.

  2. I have to say I’m hurt and depressed reading this. That silent treatment is no joke, I was reading your Twitter feed yesterday and you been through so much dude. I can’t put my self in your shoes so I don’t know how you feel, but I can only imagine. Being criticized and ignored by your mom, then to experience the lost that you have I see why your always down and out. No one up here needs to tell you that your weak and need to move on from this work wolf relationship. I was given the silent treatment 5 years ago from a dude that I was in love with. Guess, what he left got married and had a family, I won’t even lie it hurt me so bad and till this day it still kind of hurts. So I hope you get the answers and closure from work wolf before you’ll walk out each other life.

      1. This is the key.. when you truly realize and acknowledge that others have wronged you instead of always thinking about what you did wrong, can you truly forgive. When you forgive someone you breakfree of tge power they hold over you. Forgiveness is when you truly say you learned something but the person who did you wrong or the act itself no longer matters. This is hard and can take a loooonnnggg time

        1. ^and see that is my issue.

          “what did I do wrong?”

          rather than being objective with myself.
          i am quick to defend others,
          but i’m faster to beat myself up.
          I feel like i am doomed a little bit with this cycle ive created for myself…

  3. I truly hope you two find a way to work it out. There have been feuds before, but this one seems a bit of intense. At times, both of you are tired of each other and there is so many issues right now.

      1. Neither of you did anything wrong. Sometimes we aren’t meant to.to mesh with everybody at all times. There are billions of people in this world. Some are meant to be in our life for a season, reason or lifetime. Most are for a season or reason. .less than 5 are for a lifetime. When you figure where each person fits in your life you can then deal with who people are. Most people are in our life for a reason and a season…some for us to learn something about ourselves, others are for us to impact someone else’s life. The people I know are in my life for a lifetime…it’s never difficult to live and grow with. The relationships with no drama are for a lifetime. Tge rest are for a reason or season and to learn what we are to learn then move on.

        I used to love some of my elementary school teachers. When I was real little I built such a connection but at some I realized I am only to learn what I can from and move to tge next level. Tge teachers stayed at their level but I had to keep going. They were there for me at one point in my life to learn something to prepare me for the next level..but they couldn’t go with me. Relationships are alot like this. Until you let go you will always be frustrated. Its like bring ready for algebra but people wanting you to stay at 2+2…

  4. Keep doing you let him be the one to admit his wrongs for once. Whenever I used to get into these types of things with my ex bestie in high school I would always be the one the break first and to apologize and admit my wrong doing even if I was in the right. It made me feel weak and needy.

    I noticed some that sounds like being the mature one and taking the high road but there were times that you want to know that your friend feels bad. Sometimes you don’t want to be the bigger person you want them to be because it shows that they miss the friendship as much as you do and need you in their life.

    1. ^i found out something i knew he would be interested in.
      i won’t lie…
      i miss texting and talking about random shit.
      it made the day go by.
      now it’s just this mess and it makes the day so awkward.
      whenever he walks by,
      it’s like we never did any of the things we did.
      it makes me sad and im adult enough to say that.
      everyone can say “move on! meet new people!” but this is still a fresh wound.

  5. Damn this pineapple is Petty LaBelle, I wish you could hire an attractive good looking dude or hell for that matter meet a super masculine dude who would come up to the job and take you out to lunch while he is around. I would love to see the look on this petty mf face. I can not wait until you can get to the place where you say, I wasted all my energy on this non-mf factor ass pineapple, and believe me that day is coming and he is going to be the one missing you and begging you for one more chance.

  6. Wow with all due respect your mother’s silent treatment was a form of abuse. That is not a responsible way to parent. I’m sorry you experienced that. I see how it influenced how you behave today. Break the cycle. Get therapy so that you don’t keep falling into codependent behavior and relationships like WW. I had to learn it myself! You can do it. And please stop thinking of suicide. Today might be shitty but I promise you tomorrow will be better. Life is God’s gift. Enjoy it.

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