that feeling when…
someone you were once cool with…
someone you had a bond with…
someone you thought was different than the rest…
leaves your life with no explanation.
not only that,
but they act like you don’t exist to them anymore.
they turn their head as you walk by
tries to avoid you
suddenly becoming distant and closed off
they hold what you did wrong as their own secret.
no way can you even explain yourself or even fix the issue.
everything is left unsaid.
that is my relationship with work wolf as of this moment.
it would be better if i didn’t have to see him everyday.
the silent treatment brings back many memories for me…
when i was a cub,
my mother was notorious for using the silent treatment.
she would try it on my father,
but it would never work with him.
she ended up breaking it for his attention.
if i did anything that displeased her,
she would simply stop speaking to me.
she had the gift of looking right through me.
at first i’d be like:
“well fuck you too”
…but after a few days,
i would start to beg for her attention.
i didn’t want to feel like i was a bad son.
most of the times,
it would just be her and i in the apartment.
that silence would be deafening.
after i ended up crying,
she would break it and not tell me what i did wrong.
she would just move on like it was whatever.
so part of my “mental vacation” was not contacting anyone.
simply going rogue and cutting myself off from the world.
from last week,
i had about 20 text messages from different animals.
they were all concerned and confused.
i just didn’t reply to any of their messages due to feeling so down.
when i really thought about it today,
i was punishing them because someone was punishing me
that was wrong.
what did they all do to deserve that?
it wasn’t fair to them.
in my “beating myself up” mode,
i thought i may have been doing too much.
“he left my life so freely…
maybe it’s me?”
maybe everyone else did need a break from me.
one animal is doing it,
so maybe that means i might be a bad animal to everyone else.
that “over-thinking” thing i do so well.
so i guess the saying is true…
…Hurt animals hurt animals?
…or “hurt people hurt people” for non-foxholers.
lowkey: its also funny…
how work wolf’s mother also gives him the silent treatment.