“childhood is when you idolize batman.
adulthood is when you realize that the joker makes more sense.” – random quote i saw.
i am angry.
that brings out my inner werewolf.
i’ve been feeling this way for a while actually.
now i’m not some fox who will go to 100,
but i am someone who is still…
…holding onto the past.
the things that were done to me by hyenas and jackals i trusted.
the ones who never gave me closure.
i fell for the bait of kind words and actions.
it has left me really hurt and that has manifested into anger.
how many could actually confess that?
be honest with how they really feel?
most are sedating themselves with drugs,
and this savage life of “hurt before being hurt”.
this social media age won’t allow too much honesty.
the image of perfection and “i got it together” runs deep for many.
I’m not perfect
i don’t want to be because i’m a mess.
i’m a work of art that is complex and layered.
albeit it has made me really creative and raised all my senses,
it has left me destroyed and searching desperately for happiness outside myself.
the good news is,
i can wipe the slate clean when meeting new people tho.
i’m an optimist in that sense,
although i’ve been really disappointed as of late.
i’m not all the way bitter,
but i do get angry when i realize how wrong i ‘ve been done.
the ones that hired me for these jobs
the ones who i thought liked me
the ones i thought were my friends
the ones who raised and abused me at the same time
it has me feeling like i need to prove something.
if i’m not successful,
they all “won”.
they are “winning” this imaginary life race,
but i’m left on the side of the road.
i’m not seeing my own wins,
but rather living life through the views of others.
is that wrong to admit that out loud?
i’d rather do that than:
live a life where i’m not honest about my feelings
hurt everyone because i’m fucked up
so i want to let that all go and start a clean slate within myself.
that has been on my “bucket list” for a minute.
i know that i won’t ever be successful if i don’t let go of the past.
i just don’t know how.
lowkey: i think this is why i’ve been on a super hero kick.
i start to cry when the superhero gets a win,
when he/she understands that humanity is really fucked up.