f0xmail: Are BGC and A4A The Only Gay Bars In Town?

Another bit of that good ol’ Foxmail!

QUESTION

Hello Jamari i am a big fan and wanted to know if i could get your
opinion on something . I am 18 and on my 18th birthday I created an
BGC and a A4A account. These accounts help me meet some new people as
well as indulge in a good bit of sexual activity. In April I deleted
my accounts for the reason that I feared I was having too many sexual
encounters. I am wondering now if that was a good decision. I often
here older people recalling stories of their early sexual days and
how active they were. also it seems that everyone engages in online
hook ups. I fear that this action will prevent me from experiencing
some great sexual experiences as well as limiting my chances of
meeting a good guy.

Are gay social networks a must when it comes to
gay living?

MY ANSWER

I love the cubs.
They are always so fresh and bursting with life.
So many questions.

When I first got onto gay social networking,
it was still a work in progress.
Back in those days,
you would sign on and only 500 people were online.
Many of them were a mixture looking for one thing: CONNECTING.

I went on dates with some big named Wolves who were D/L… and there wasn’t a check box for it.
They just wanted to meet a Fox or Hybrid who could keep a secret and keep things discreet.
Sure, I met some and got some great sex…


…but they actually wanted to know me afterward.
Some turned out to be my best stalkers.

Now,
in 2012,
it is all about sex and how good your mouth is.
No one wants to date anyone.

Online social sites like BGC, A4A, Jack’d, Facebook, and Twitter are now hook up spots.
If you want to get some great dick, then go on there.
Being so young, I feel like you need to experiment.
SAFETLY, OF COURSE.
Jamari Fox was not created by someone who did not go out there and explore.
Been there; done that; want more.

The game has changed with rookies looking like pros.

Get on the chat sites.
Mingle.
Go on a few bad dates.
See what is out there.
BUT, try something different.
Do not be ready to pull down your drawz for the first person who gives you a compliment.
Know how to spot a Jackal or Hyena.
Know what a Body Double is (someone using fake pictures).
Learn the Serial Talker (he only hits you up online, never wants to meet, but he looks good as hell).
NEVER meet someone at their house first.
Ask plenty of questions.
NEVER let someone know where you live on the first initial meeting.
Have standards.
and lastly: be who you would want to date.


Hope that answered your question!
Take it away Foxhole!

send all mail to: jamari.fox@gmail.com

Author: jamari fox

the fox invited to the blogging table.

36 thoughts on “f0xmail: Are BGC and A4A The Only Gay Bars In Town?

  1. It depends on what you’re looking for, it’s that simple. Since nowdays from what I hear and from what I have witnessed, online sites are mainly for sex purposes only. If you want sex, I suggest you stay online. If you want someone special, you might need to keep the online thing to a minimum, and try to meet someone on the outside. I know I might get heat for this, but online is mostly made up of desperate people IMO. Usually they are desperate for sex and a someone to talk to, and some of y’all know I am right. The good thing about it is that you will get to meet more people and venture out more. You’re young, so that will be a good thing for you. Whatever decision you choose to make, just be smart about it because people are crazy and they will smile in your face and stab you in your back.

    I can’t give you too much info. as I would like because I personally have never done the online thing. People in gerneral are too clingy when it comes to me and I don’t have the time for drama that comes with it.

      1. I don’t really introduce myself to people that often. I have a lot of friends, but I’ve meet them through mutual friends. I usually intoduce myself to people if they talk to me first. I never walk up and introduce myself to random people. The thing is, I’m not really introverted, I just like to give people space.

  2. I think I see where Jay is going. Man, I would like to know also? When was the last time, you made the first move?

    Jay when was the last time you made the first move?

    1. Oh I’ll keep it 100%, I’ve always had trouble taking to dudes, even about casual shit.

      If you told me to go up to the most attractive female in the room I could do it with no problem, but I couldn’t even go up to random dude and ask him something as simple as “where did you get those shoes?” or anything. I couldn’t imagine trying to talk to dude I was attracted to in person with no prior introduction to them online or through a mutual friend..it just wouldn’t happen.

      I’m still not completely sold on the idea of actually being serious with a dude though so its not as important to me.

      1. Yea, I feel you, the same with me. Talking to dudes is harder because we don’t know how they might take it. It’s rare for a man to just walk up to a man and talk to him without it feeling weird. I could walk up to a woman and tell she’s pretty with no issue.

  3. I don’t use online sites as much as I did when I first started out, they’re kind of dry because people delete their profiles and create them again so much. My homeboy told me he hooked up with this super attractive dude….on Craigslist! Can you believe that shit?! I saw pics of the dude and he was bad too.

    We can talk down on these sites all day long but 90% of us have had a profile on them at one point or another so it is an effective method of meeting a variety of dudes. I would go as far to say online sites are perfect for a lot of these dudes because men in general fall in love with what they see and gays/bi’s are even more appearance driven.

    These dudes can browse profiles in stealth mode, look at stats in black and white, ask to see pictures of face, body, and dick (which is usually what they care about most), and if they’re feeling you they’ll continue to entertain you and if not it ends there. No excuses, lies, or accountability.

    These websites were designed a a certain way on purpose.

      1. Thanks.

        Before anyone else chimes in I haven’t engaged in any kind of sex with anyone in a good while…thanks to a whole lot of porn. Lol

  4. Low-key that’s why I miss forums like whatstea and SoGully that were popping when I first came out. Sure they were haunted by a plethora of hyenas but I got a lot of advice about dating in this life and about what to avoid on those hookup websites. I feel bad for the kids now, there isn’t much guidance around and some times the people who are willing to help you do it for ulterior motives.

  5. The Jugger-Fox :
    ^not to be nosy…..
    Ok that is a lie…
    But will you plan on telling her about your past?
    Also, what made you go and talk to a Vixen?

    Hell no. Lol
    I don’t inquire about hers either.
    I’m not one of those who deliberately said I’m going to go find a girl.
    I was just receptive to it. The interaction is easier for me though.

    1. Jay this is how you tell me you leavin me???? Crys eats a whole lot of cookies and puts on I hope she cheats on you LOL. but seriously that’s good Jay I’m glad you found someone. Be good to her… And don’t forget that trick I taught you with the ice cube and tea bag 😉

  6. Guess I’ve been gay too long. Never was closested, friends gay, bi, and straight always passed on promising prospects. It helps to surround yourself with many different types of people. They have best friends, brothers, and cousins who just might be your type.
    Never really used online methods or phone chat sites to meet–to check up on ninjas, yes, to meet them for relations, no.

    Having worked in retail before you are put in situations where you have to approach others and ask personal questions so walking up to someone and introducing myself has never been a problem, even as an introvert. You come to find out most people are just as afraid or more than you are just by simply speaking to them.

    1. I’ve worked in retail too so I can approach people on a professional level if needed, but not in a casual, “I want to get to know you” kind of way.

  7. I remember the days of a4a and bgc when they were popin and dudes didn’t play stupid games. My advise for the dude is try meeting people in person that way you see how they really are and can go off that. Online they can say one thing but end up totaly different.

    That’s what worked for me I finally met a decent wolf at my gym. Been checking eachother for months and having lil conversations and what not. Well 3 weeks ago we exchanged numbers and went in our first and second date. So I guess this hybrid is kinda off the market too

  8. Realistically, the online dating is really how most people meet and interact nowadays, I tried to resist it for a long time but I found that if you cant beat them you have to join them. Its all so superficial though, 90% of dudes are looking for sex and nothing more. I put up shirtless pics and got alot of hits but then I get mad when they dont wanna talk and get to know me. Damn, Im like duh what do you expect, they dont want to get to know you for your intellect, so I take it with a grain of salt. I want to attract the dudes, but I want to get to know them too, so its either or. I actually finally hooked up with a dude I met a couple of weeks ago online last night. We finally met up and of course it went down and I was like that was easy enough, but I know that is all its going to be, after that I really have no intention of really carrying on anything meaningful, but I am smiling and on cloud 9 today, so sometimes you just have to take it for what it is and keep it moving.

    To the young dude, if I keep it real with ya, man sometimes, some of your best friends may have been past sexual encounters that really went nowhere, I have a real close friend who I met on a sexual level, but we decided to just stay friends afterwards and we are really cool 8 yrs later and we both I think will cringe even thinking about how we once hooked up sexually. Its just how it goes sometimes in this lifestyle. Always keep your options open to meeting men at unexpected places such as barbershop, mall, movies, sporting events, you just never really know. And a word of advice, do not put your face pic up on social network sites, because when I go out, I see so many dudes from BGC and JAK and they are automatically crossed out in my mind. Keep some mystery about yourself and face pics on lock and private, until you meet a dude you really feel.

  9. I couldnt help but to comment on this due to recent decisions and revelations i’ve made. And i think there’s a lack of knowledge for the youngins so…

    First you have to ask yourself what you’re looking for. REALLY what you want. For yourself as well as out of someone else.

    I recently deleted and ended ALL gay sites apps etc because i’m looking to be in a serious relationship. With someone very discrete like myself. After about a year of being on them i realized that none of the guys who were like me were on there. If they were they were hiding from me. Those who were attractive were either OUT or ONLY INTERESTED IN FUCKING. NEVER DISCRETE AND LOOKIN TO GET TO KNOW SOMEONE BEYOND THEIR MATTRESS. I got really frustrated so i let them go. Too they’ve all fuckd one another. Theres only about one dick-gree of separation between most.

    I also realized as many gay football players, actors etc there are, NONE of them are on those apps. So i figured I needed to go where they are. IN THE REAL WORLD.

    As awkward as approaching a guy sounds its really not. Since i let those apps go i’ve become alot more social, met ALOT of people and made some really great GENUINE connections. I’ve learned to speak. To EVERYONE. People who want to know you will find a way to be close enough for conversation. Another thing i’ve learned is just to be open. If i meet a guy whether he’s gay or not i’ve made a new friendand been opened up to a new circle of people.

    More often than anything else though, its been me having casual conversation with guys with no intention of trying to get to know them that i’ve made the biggest connections ie: walking into a clothing store and ending up in a 15 min conversation with the guy that works there on some regular shit only to realize after more interaction that he’s actually into you. And you never even thought he was gay. True story. Thing isc real connections are built on friendship and liking a person for who they are first anyway.

    Too meeting people online as a discreet guy you go though all this effort to make sure the other person is too and ont end up drawing attn. That whole awkward game and fear is oit the window meeting guys in public. If they’re someone you dont want to deal with then you kind of pick up on it from the jump. I no longer entertain the “stare but dont speak” either cause i dont have to. I meet enough guys just by being open, not afraid to start a conversation, make a new friend and takin my face out of my phone long enough to see the guys i probably wouldnt if i was browsing grindr.

    But again those sites are great for hooking up. Jamari hope you’re well. Later.

    1. ^EXCELLENT.
      Both with answer and myself.
      Pretty much sums up why I refuse to get on them anymore.

      Sometimes I have a itch of getting on,
      but after ending an association to a “Hybrid on the way to Hyena”,
      and him telling me he knows about all the Wolves and Hybrids in the BK Jack’d scene…..
      And fucked/sucked 90% of them….
      Who has HIV…
      And all are pretty messy….

      No bueno for me.

  10. omg007 :
    Jay this is how you tell me you leavin me???? Crys eats a whole lot of cookies and puts on I hope she cheats on you LOL. but seriously that’s good Jay I’m glad you found someone. Be good to her… And don’t forget that trick I taught you with the ice cube and tea bag

    Ice cube AND tea bag. I have never heard that combo.

  11. LOOOL ITS TRUE, I GET ONLY THE UGLY STUPID DESPERATE GUYS WHO WANT TO MEET ME AND I GET SO PISSED OFF AND ALL THAT JUST MAKE ME WANT TO DELETE MY ACCOUNTS , BUT ANYWAY WE WENT TO A RESTAURANT AND THERE WAS THIS GUY “A BARTENDER ” BUT HE WAS FIIINEEEE!!!! LOL I WANTED TO SAY SOMETHING BUT , I WAS KINDA AFRAID, BUT IM REALY THINKING ON GOING BACK TO THAT RESTAURANT, AT THE END WE ALMOST FORGET SOMETHING AND I WENT TO HIM AND TOOK MY MONEY I GAVE HIM A “TIP” SOMETHING THAT I DON’T USUALLY DO , BUT HE WAS SEXY AND THAT SMILE AND THAT VOICE JUST KILLED ME, I WAS THINKING ALL KINDS OF THINGS

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