A good topic for foxmail.So Jamari, I have this homie that just got into a little situation.I met this dude on A4A about a year ago. We flirted heavy and when we finally met he literally made my mouth drop he was so attractive. 6′ 200lbs bald head, neat beard, swole body and swole ass too. We actually sat down ate, talked about everything and saw a movie.Long story short, after the movies, his ass was dessert and he sucked my dick took a nap on my chest and woke up and sucked my dick so more. Now usually I can deal with no strings attached sex, but something was just so different and genuine about him. I held this dude’s hand and I’m not the sentimental type at all. I got the feeling it was more for him too, being that he wanted me to stay and he kissed and hugged me before I left that night.No contact for two weeks! I can’t lie I was completely depressed about it.He finally hits me out of the blue and basically acts as if that whole night never happened. I don’t know why, but I just went along with it despite the fact my feelings were really hurt to the core. Eventually I just bury the feelings and try to be friends. We work out together a lot and he’s been a pretty good friend. I have also gone out of my way to be a good friend to him as well.So fast forward to today and he’s began this relationship with this new dude and I know I should be happy for him but I’m not.He’s talking about how he’s finally having sex again and this dude is taking him on dates and now they’re working out together.In the past, despite what was going on in my own personal life, I could always be happy and supportive for friends.I really don’t like the person that’s feeling like this. I don’t know if I’m still pissed he completely ignored our first experience together, or jealous that he’s found someone, or sad that I’ve always been alone, or worried I’ll always be alone, or just a combination of everything.I just hate thinking “I hope it won’t last.” or “He’s greek. He’s probably fucking a multitude of dudes and you’re the flavor of the moment. Don’t get too excited.”I just feel like I always fall into this role of being the odd man out. The “friend”. I usually resort to unhealthy and risky behaviors to deal.I know I sound salty as fuck, but it’s making me re-evaluate some shit man.All these nigga’s phone numbers I have in my phone, freaks, homies, friends and no one to check on me since I’ve been secluding to my room with this flu all week. NO ONE!Then to add insult to injury this dude is introducing his new bitch to his other friends. I been cool with this dude for over a year and I’ve met no one but you known this dude one month and you’re introducing him to your friends at happy hour.Am I just fighting my true nature by forcing these sorry excuses for friendships?Am I completely fucked up bruh?
this a good one.
i felt this one…
in this world of random hook ups and easy sex,
its hard to meet someone to call our own.
everyone wants to be saved.
saved from this dark and nasty world we live in.
we put up pictures of our fantasies and ask ourselves:
“why can’t i meet someone like this?”
whats wrong with me?”
…and then proceed to go have a meaningless hook up later.
be first in line to attend some sex party with other broken people.
just completely fuckin our lives away…
until we meet “the prototype” randomly.
that one that we really really like.
someone we could see ourselves with in the long haul.
unlike the straights who were trained to “meet, marry, and mate”,
we don’t exactly have that luxury in this life.
“You used to all the attention, huh?
But you don’t want no commitment, huh?
Why not? — You should be comin home with me
Sittin in this lap with the luxury
Now you can, come in the mornin while wakin up…” – “fuck all nite”, jay z
you met this guy initially on a sex site.
one of the many sexually driven places where we meet dudes.
you flirted and had a little mental foreplay.
that’s where he got you.
add that you didn’t expect him to look so good.
you have a hard time opening up to men,
but you have an easier time opening them up.
he could feel it so he went with it.
well he met someone who probably was more open with him.
even though this life brings about a lot of coldness,
he found warmth in this other person.
this line stood out to me:
you were the flavor of the moment.
you were in the multitude of dudes he met.
that was the reason the two weeks went by.
he jumped out the window and landed on friend zone.
he was waiting for you to follow suit.
you didn’t bring it up so…
around the two weeks,
he was probably establishing something with “the new bitch”.
what do you want?
what makes you happy?
outside of sex,
what do you have to offer a man?
will you have his back?
will you be there when he hits rock bottom?
can you build him back up?
it’s time to work on YOU lover.
YOU won’t find any love until YOU work on your issues.
YOU have been working your ass on being a good fuck.
like we learned today,
that can be forgettable after two weeks.
two weeks while the person of our dreams meets the person of theirs.
this reminds me of one of my favorite madonna songs:
You only see what your eyes want to see
How can life be what you want it to be
When your heart’s not open
You’re so consumed with how much you get
You waste your time with hate and regret
When your heart’s not open
Now there’s no point in placing the blame
And you should know I suffer the same
If I lose you
My heart will be broken
Love is a bird, she needs to fly
Let all the hurt inside of you die
When your heart’s not open
it won’t be easy.
it can get lonely.
working on being a better you ain’t simple.
thats when the universe really tests you.
once you start getting it together tho,
going through the darkness for a bit,
i believe everything will fall into place.
your light will literally beam out your chest.
you’ll be remembered.
people will check on you when you’re sick.
they’ll give a fuck when you hit rock bottom.
sex won’t just be something to get a random nut anymore.
hell they may even fall in love with you…
…and thats all we really want.
to find true love in a hopeless place.
hope this helped.