f0xmail: He Met His New Bitch After I Gave Him Good Wood! Help!

envelopeFOXMAIL

A good topic for foxmail.
So Jamari, I have this homie that just got into a little situation.
I met this dude on A4A about a year ago. We flirted heavy and when we finally met he literally made my mouth drop he was so attractive. 6′ 200lbs bald head, neat beard, swole body and swole ass too. We actually sat down ate, talked about everything and saw a movie.
Long story short, after the movies, his ass was dessert and he sucked my dick took a nap on my chest and woke up and sucked my dick so more. Now usually I can deal with no strings attached sex, but something was just so different and genuine about him. I held this dude’s hand and I’m not the sentimental type at all. I got the feeling it was more for him too, being that he wanted me to stay and he kissed and hugged me before I left that night.
No contact for two weeks! I can’t lie I was completely depressed about it.
He finally hits me out of the blue and basically acts as if that whole night never happened. I don’t know why, but I just went along with it despite the fact my feelings were really hurt to the core. Eventually I just bury the feelings and try to be friends. We work out together a lot and he’s been a pretty good friend. I have also gone out of my way to be a good friend to him as well.
So fast forward to today and he’s began this relationship with this new dude and I know I should be happy for him but I’m not.
He’s talking about how he’s finally having sex again and this dude is taking him on dates and now they’re working out together.
In the past, despite what was going on in my own personal life, I could always be happy and supportive for friends.
I really don’t like the person that’s feeling like this. I don’t know if I’m still pissed he completely ignored our first experience together, or jealous that he’s found someone, or sad that I’ve always been alone, or worried I’ll always be alone, or just a combination of everything.
I just hate thinking “I hope it won’t last.” or “He’s greek. He’s probably fucking a multitude of dudes and you’re the flavor of the moment. Don’t get too excited.”
 I just feel like I always fall into this role of being the odd man out. The “friend”. I usually resort to unhealthy and risky behaviors to deal.
I know I sound salty as fuck, but it’s making me re-evaluate some shit man.
All these nigga’s phone numbers I have in my phone, freaks, homies, friends and no one to check on me since I’ve been secluding to my room with this flu all week. NO ONE!
Then to add insult to injury this dude is introducing his new bitch to his other friends. I been cool with this dude for over a year and I’ve met no one but you known this dude one month and you’re introducing him to your friends at happy hour.
Am I just fighting my true nature by forcing these sorry excuses for friendships? 
Am I completely fucked up bruh?

MY ANSWER…

this a good one.
yeah.
i felt this one…

in this world of random hook ups and easy sex,
its hard to meet someone to call our own.
everyone wants to be saved.
saved from this dark and nasty world we live in.
we put up pictures of our fantasies and ask ourselves:

“why can’t i meet someone like this?”
whats wrong with me?”

giphy…and then proceed to go have a meaningless hook up later.
be first in line to attend some sex party with other broken people.
just completely fuckin our lives away
until we meet “the prototype” randomly.
that one that we really really like.
someone we could see ourselves with in the long haul.
unlike the straights who were trained to “meet, marry, and mate”,
we don’t exactly have that luxury in this life.
so its:

“You used to all the attention, huh?
But you don’t want no commitment, huh?
Why not? — You should be comin home with me
Sittin in this lap with the luxury
Now you can, come in the mornin while wakin up…” – “fuck all nite”, jay z

tumblr_mz6ivvIuZg1ql9yy0o1_500foxholer…
you pretty much answered your own question.
everyone’s question to their lives actually.
including mine.
its time for me to show you

you met this guy initially on a sex site.
one of the many sexually driven places where we meet dudes.
you flirted and had a little mental foreplay.
that’s where he got you.
hooked you…
add that you didn’t expect him to look so good.
you have a hard time opening up to men,
but you have an easier time opening them up.
he could feel it so he went with it.
well he met someone who probably was more open with him.
even though this life brings about a lot of coldness,
he found warmth in this other person.
this line stood out to me:

I just hate thinking “I hope it won’t last.” or “He’s greek. He’s probably fucking a multitude of dudes and you’re the flavor of the moment. Don’t get too excited.
well guess what?
you were the flavor of the moment.
you were in the multitude of dudes he met.
that was the reason the two weeks went by.
he jumped out the window and landed on friend zone.
he was waiting for you to follow suit.
you didn’t bring it up so…
around the two weeks,
he was probably establishing something with “the new bitch”.
 so let me ask you something…
who are you?
what do you want?
what makes you happy?
outside of sex,
what do you have to offer a man?
will you have his back?
will you be there when he hits rock bottom?
can you build him back up?

yeah.
it’s time to work on YOU lover.
YOU won’t find any love until YOU work on your issues.
YOU have been working your ass on being a good fuck.
like we learned today,
that can be forgettable after two weeks.
two weeks while the person of our dreams meets the person of theirs.
this reminds me of one of my favorite madonna songs:

http://youtu.be/zETVr04XUE4

You only see what your eyes want to see
How can life be what you want it to be
You’re frozen
When your heart’s not open

You’re so consumed with how much you get
You waste your time with hate and regret
You’re broken
When your heart’s not open

Now there’s no point in placing the blame
And you should know I suffer the same
If I lose you
My heart will be broken

Love is a bird, she needs to fly
Let all the hurt inside of you die
You’re frozen
When your heart’s not open

it won’t be easy.
it can get lonely.
working on being a better you ain’t simple.
thats when the universe really tests you.
once you start getting it together tho,
going through the darkness for a bit,
i believe everything will fall into place.
your light will literally beam out your chest.
you’ll be remembered.
people will check on you when you’re sick.
they’ll give a fuck when you hit rock bottom.
sex won’t just be something to get a random nut anymore.
hell they may even fall in love with you…
Gasp…and thats all we really want.
to find true love in a hopeless place.
hope this helped.

best,
jamari fox

Author: jamari fox

the fox invited to the blogging table.

32 thoughts on “f0xmail: He Met His New Bitch After I Gave Him Good Wood! Help!

  1. THIS entry right here hit home for me..i’ve never had a man hook up with me and then solely put me in the friend zone, but i have felt a severe blow of rejection but after awhile like you said..you begin to evaluate yourself and ask ‘what do i truly desire in life, relationships and etc…we as men, whether gay, bi, dl/out whatever have to lay it out there on the front about what we want…DON’T settle believing that your ass, your dick or you can change someone or make them who you want them to be…i really believe that when we’re at our best that’s when we attract the best, not even from a physical standpoint..but from a mental/spiritual aspect…too many people these days thinks it’s all physical you cant help who you fall in love with so that’s probably why the guy is introducing the new guy to his friends in etc after a short period of time because you know when you find the one..i havent found the one yet but im sure when he comes i’ll know

  2. !!!!!!!!!!!

    Let me get in my Iyanla Vanzant shit and meditate on every single word!

    I’m probably going to read this 2,000 times!

  3. Jeeeeeezuz. That’s why I can’t do the sex thing first anymore. I feel like sex consecrates my feelings to a relationship, even though it’s not the case for the other person. Like, I’m low-key celibate… LMAO.

  4. Man, I hate to sound harsh, but you have to build a bridge and get over it and stop feeling sorry for yourself. You should be lucky that your relations with him did not go further than what it did. Now that he has obviously moved on, you have to do the same. I have to acknowledge that you made the mistake when you were sexual with him on the first night. I’m a dude who love cheeks, but I ain’t eating no dude on the first night, especially if there is a chance I might end up liking him. A dude is not going to stay around when you move fast. Get out of the mindset that just because you look good physically and satisfy a dude sexually that he is going to stay. You have to show a dude a side of you that he will view as something that is worth him wanting around long term.

    1. Exactly!!!! i once heard a woman say on a movie..if you stroke a man’s dick you get him for a day but if you stroke a man’s ego, you get him for a lifetime….make a man feel special in a deeper aspect than just sex and he’ll never leave you alone…people never forget how you make them feel

      1. Hell nah they don’t forget. I know you Foxes loved being catered to and treated nice, and no I do not mean buying expensive items. Y’all like breakfast in bed, a mushy love letter every now and then, and a dude who will have a bubble bath waiting for you after you come home from a long day of work. I’m suave as hell and that’s what gets them hooked lol.

  5. @The Man: I know a fox that got emotional when I bought him a 20 piece Chicken McNugget meal with two apple pies. He probably would’ve proposed if I had bought him a McFlurry. Lol

    I took another dude to Chipotle and paid for his burrito out of no where and he was floored. He drunk dialed me later on that week and said he loved me because no dude had ever done that for him before. I wanted to say “It was just $6.50…” LMAO

      1. That should let you know how scarce good men are. Dudes are not used to someone doing something nice for them that the smallest thing means so much.

        1. ^ya know it’s crazy,
          but a lot of gays don’t think they are worth more than that.
          mcdonalds.
          I don’t want people to feel limited.
          I want,
          whatever my legacy will be,
          that I inspired the foxhole to reach for better.
          the stars are not limited to the straights.
          we aren’t what they think we are.

    1. I ain’t gonna lie you got me hungry for the 20 piece and apple pies. That shit sound delicious…. But on the side note I get goosebumps when a guy does something nice for me. Like my brain get all tingly and stuff.

  6. Oh shit does that mean I’m a good man?! Yay!

    @The Man: You just got yourself a large order of Chilli Cheese Fries. Lol

    @Jamari: We going to Sylvia’s in Harlem and we don’t even have to share a plate! Lmao

    #ImFancy
    #Watchmewalkthru

    1. ^waiiiiiiiiit…
      what you know about Sylvia’s?!
      either way that’s better than McDonald’s.
      I’d low key fall out over chipotle tho.
      not even ashamed to say I’d deep throat one of their burritos.

      1. I’ve been to NYC a few times sir.

        I go to Harlem and Times Square every time lol. I got lost on the subway and ended up somewhere in Brooklyn but that’s another story.

        I told him he could get some extra guacamole and he looked at me like I was Bae lol

  7. Let me tell you, I read this entry and had to step away for a minute to gather my thoughts it was so deep. I think whether they want to admit it or not, every Gay man could have wrote this entry at one point in time in his life. I admire you for holding nothing back and reaching down and telling nothing but the “sho-nuff” truth. I have been there and at times, I am still there. I have been on both ends of the stick, liking someone and getting played or someone liking me and not bothering to establish anything with them. In the end you just never know what anyone is really thinking. I have moved too fast, and I have moved slow and in the end it still didnt go my way. For all the lessons, I have learned on this blog and all the personal growth I have experienced, I still slip and fall from time to time. Hell I read these foxmails and think sometimes, maybe I need to write one Lol, but I am happy to share my experiences in the comments and hopefully it will help someone.

    Just this year, I met a dude who literally swept me off my feet at the gym, never had a clue he got down, until he flirted with me and we exchanged numbers on the low. I aint gone lie, just my type, masculine as hell, and dark chocolate, well paid and was a fox in the bedroom. I thought I had hit the jackpot. Go through the archives around Valentines day Lol when I talk about the date I was going on. First date was Valentine and it was something out of my dreams, nice restaurant, chill at my place after dinner, and then Bam the inevitable hook up. My ass broke my own damn rule and sure enough, he got ghost for like a couple of weeks and then text me out the blue like it wasnt nothing. Usually I will cut all ties with a pineapple for this behavior, but when I heard from him, I cant front, was happy. In my mind because he was my type, I am ready to cuff him, but in his mind, I am just the midnite pipe layer when he is horny to be served. He didnt even pretend no more to want to go out and hang out and get to know me on another level other than in the bedroom. His behavior leads me to believe he either got a vixen or another dude, masculine well dressed, drives a luxury car, a professional job, and nice looking with rock hard body, so I know I am not the only one. I actually thank this Blog for making me stronger with the entries and the comments. I was like hell to the naw, I am better than this and I stop texting and calling, but a part of me still wants this dude, its like when its someone you are attracted too and who fits your type on top of good sex, something in our psyche will not let them go. To add insult to injury he will not leave me alone even when I cut communication, he contacts me and Im too weak to block his ass because deep down I want this dude, and want him to be my dude even though I am fooling myself, he has showed me who he is. I have moved to a different part of town and go to another gym, so I dont see him but in all honesty I dont know if I see him could I be strong enough to resist him.

    To the letter writer, I just want you to know that many of us are dealing with these same types of dilemmas with dudes and its hard work to get out of our feelings. I have said many days, why the hell does it not ever work out for me like it does so many others I know. I have seen dudes Im attracted to and say to myself when I see their dates, damn I look better than them etc, or why didnt I meet him first. Bro you do have to work on yourself and be a stronger better person and know that your day will come and never settle. You have to take everyday as one day and build up on it to be better the next day. I am pulling for you as well as myself, and I hope I offered you some moral support.

    1. Smh it’s the worst when they go to the same gym as they do.

      How am I supposed to get you out of my system and you squatting right here in front of me getting me thirsty?

      That’s the worst part knowing deep down you’ll let them slide right back into your life if they say the right thing and you want to believe it. You can’t bring yourself to block them.

    2. ^reading tajan’s comment,
      I can be honest and say that i also had a situation.
      I was talking to star fox’s x for a while.
      we never did anything,
      but he was way too invested in wanting to smash me.
      he wanted to break my celibacy.
      I actually wanted more from him.
      he is already smashing 3 other foxes.
      had no fucks about telling me I’d be in his harem.
      in my mind,
      I thought I could change him.
      I can honestly admit that out of loneliness is why I was drawn to him.
      he was the only person in my radar.
      so we were texting last week and he went the sexual route.
      I said something about how he views me and he never responded.
      that was my answer.
      I never cared to respond back.
      I took this as a sign that he def isn’t the one and I needed to learn that.

      I’m legit over him.
      his life is a legitimate mess.
      god knows what negative energy would have been left in me after.
      no amount of loneliness will compromise my dignity.
      if it wasn’t for this blog,
      I would probably not be at this point in my life.

  8. To the letter writer: No, you’re not completely fucked up. But here’s the deal: In situations such as this, when you feel that you have found “the one”, let him that he is special to you and that you want to be in a relationship now or soon and let him know now. If you don’t let him know, someone else will. This requires that you open yourself up to being vulnerable–to being rejected. But “nothing ventured, nothing gained”.

  9. Hold up! So two weeks passed without any communication on his part, I’m curious as to whether you reached out to him and he gave you the silent treatment or you waited for him to hit you up! If it’s the latter, then you don’t have anyone to blame but yourself. Maybe he just wanted friends with benefits type situation, or maybe he wasn’t sure at that moment, hell it was only one dinner and “fuck session”….there are a lot of maybes here but not talking about it to him and sitting back and licking your wounds all alone allowed you to miss out on possibly MORE. Why is it so hard for us as men to “express ourselves honestly”, if you want it go after it, because if you don’t someone else will (and DID); as my grandma always said, “a closed mouth does not get fed”….so trust and believe when the opportunity is presented I am opening my mouth up wide so he can FEED ME! :-)~ #Live&Learn

  10. It’s sad to hear this. It seems like the wrong people are winning for the wrong reasons or perhaps he viewed you as a piece to a puzzle while having already put together one. Oh and let’s be honest if he a black dude or any dude for that matter met a Greek than he more than likely gonna try his best to keep him. Not me though personally as I got bigger fish to fry and no man or type could make feel like I should cling just cause of how they look. People are gonna get mad but the truth is the truth. With everyone working out now wolves are gonna have competition too as “everyone” is starting to become part of that life. I know it hurts but you are gonna have to move on. Try to focus on you and no sex and just be yourself and maybe that good fox will come around and if he does not than it doesn’t matter because you love you for you and you are what makes you happy.

  11. Damn, he took a nap on your chest. That’s not something I’d do with a random pineapple. Chest naps are reserved for my significant other.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *