life has a way of showing you that even tho you maybe the underdog,the underdog is still aight.
so i was watching an episode of “power” yesterday,
catching up on what ive missed…
…and lord knows ive missed like the last 3 episodes.
anyway in the episode,
the latina vixen was speaking her heart to omari hardwick’s character.
she was saying there are people in life who get handed everything.
that while their life is easier,
she had to work hard for everything she wanted.
she didn’t have the luxury of someone paying her rent or buying her diamonds.
boy did i relate.
i think i even thought about it while slaving over some hot paperwork yesterday.
boss breathing down my back as i tried to get that deadline finished.
i have a wonderful 150 in my checking account.
savings account down to like 20 bucks.
hey i can be honest with my people.
no need in lying.
paying off my credit card,
and having to go into my savings to fix something that broke in my apartment…
its definitely a “chill in the crib” until i get my next pay check.
while i was watching the episode,
i started to cry.
i had to pause it because i related to whats she was saying heavy.
i look around and it seems everyone is living “the good life”.
everyone is out spendin’; getting someone to spend on them.
people don’t understand what its like to be me.
been a lone fox for a long time.
no one to really depend on.
no parents to call for help or even talk with.
friends like star fox to be there.
ever since he died,
i look through my phone and its like a desert.
no other gay male i could relate to and trust.
i often wish my life was easier,
like a “draya” or some white supreme gold digger,
but right now it isn’t.
want to know what i learned tho?
i learned that even tho i been through so much,
i am very tough.
i come on here and lay my demons,
but in real life,
i have been taught to be very resourceful.
i also learned to walk away without having to look back.
losing people i genuinely loved taught me that.
when people get things handed to them so easily,
they can be taken away just the same.
i don’t have to depend on a wolf to help me every month.
i don’t have to obey.
suck his dick on command.
i have the ability to act a donkey,
break all his shit,
and go home to my crib.
have him come over to my spot for the make up sex.
this is the key ingredient in being a fox.
a fox loves the glamorous life,
a fox even loves glamorous wolves,
but a fox also got “his own”.
he sees and appreciates it.
if you meet someone and he wants to spoil you,
then go right ahead.
you would be a fool not to.
you deserve it.
always make sure that at the end of it,
when he fucks up,
you still have “yours”.
no quitting your job
no moving into his crib
no depending on his drugs
no selling your soul so you can survive
none of that.
you have your own:
the idea is that when you get with a wolf,
you take him to a higher level.
you are a movement by yourself,
but you are a force when you are both together.
it maybe lonely now,
but things could definitely change within a year.
i’m holding onto that hope.can i get an amen?