“you have had a hard life.”

my uncle said that to me during a recent catch-up.
for once,
i felt seen by a grown adult in my family.
some of my other family members ignores their trauma with religion.
i think it’s easier for him because he watched from the outside.
my mother and him were the rebellious ones; they bounced.
they didn’t stay to deal with what we dealt with.
something clicked after he said it because my whole life,
i’ve been yearning for an easier and softer life.
i think i’ve been lucky,
but luck always came wrapped in bullshit.
on top of that:

i had my own hurt slowing me down.

right now,
i’m being forced to process something from when i was 7 or 8.
a moment that unlocked everything…

after the jill scott x erykah badu “verzuz” when we were locked down in the rona,
someone defined them as:

“jill’s music is thank you for the experience.
erykah’s music is thank you for experiencing me.”

that continues to live rent free in my head.
jill scott had an interview with angie martinez that also lives rent free in my head.
she touched on a lot of points.

one point she brought up bought up the whole building in my head.

“dom/sub“ (dominant submissive)

that is what jill described herself as.
the first part is how you move through the forests,
while the second part is how you want to feel in love/sex.
a “dom/sub“ is…

some vixens drive me crazy with this shit…

so as you know,
or didn’t,
i was displaced out of my home of over 15+ years.
i’m in a whole new forest,
temporarily(?),
as i get back on all my paws.
Foxhole:

the males here are FINE.

we will font about them when i start mingling.
i don’t want to shit where i eat buttttttttttttt:

ima be strategic with my mouth and hole.

anyhoo,
a vixen started talking to me yesterday and was filling me in.
so there is a gay male that is really poppin’ on socials here.
so she gonna ask me if the males in his videos are also gay.

strike 1

so i said i don’t know,
and even if i did,
that’s not my story to tell.
this is what she gonna say to me in response…

whenever you are at a transition in your life,
you end up at a bridge.
on the other side of the bridge is uncertainty.
we don’t know what will happen,
but we do know where we are isn’t working.
i believe when life gets uncomfortable,
you are pushed towards the bridge against your will.
so we end up with a few choices:

a – we slowly walk across the bridge to get to the other side
b – we turn back around and go back to what we are use to
c – we stay stagnant at the start of the bridge without crossing

but what happens when you are uncomfortably pushed towards a bridge…

can i font that i have a brand new hatred…

MOVING.

Lord have mercy,
i hate the entire process of moving.
thank God i had help from great people buuutttttttttt…

i think “game of thrones” ruined us.
every time a show is about to end or a season finale:

we are hoping characters die horrible deaths so we can find an excuse to cry.

that is kinda weird,
ain’t it?
instead of cheering on characters surviving to show us we can survive through uncertainty,
we are excited and looking forward to see people die in horrible ways.
not even deaths that make sense to the story either.

just killing characters off for the sake of our inner little (or big) psychopaths

it kinda explains why some of these folks voted for this new reality of chaos.
like sansa stark in “game of thrones”,
i was hoping no i liked died in this “stranger things” finale.
if they did die,
i hoped it was properly tied into the story like when eddie died.
anyhoo,
“stranger things” came to an end last night with the final episode.
i ended up watching it at around 2am and well…