Bye Bye.

Rose On Wood BWi have been in full mourning mode.
i haven’t gone anywhere.
seen anyone.
my computer and phone sat in my bedroom.
i officially moved onto my couch.
i only survived on cereal and water.
i’m sure i lost a gang of weight.
i don’t give a fuck.
my days consisted of watching the occasional movie and crying.
sometimes just lying there remembering…
i didn’t want to be bothered.
period.

i was about to erase the site too.
i was dead set on it.
i was about to pay everything dust.
i didn’t know how to write anymore.
i didn’t care about anything going on in the world.
nothing was making me happy.
even wolves.
yup,
i knew i was going through it.
so why keep doing this?
why try to make it happen anymore?
did people even care how i was feeling?
obviously i didn’t think that plan all the way through…

so my life stops because star fox is gone?
then what?
do i just die too?
although that was a nice thought,
i had to wake up.
that was my logical side of thinking.
if it could have punched me,
i would have had a black eye.

i had a dream about star fox last night.
he was just looking at me.
he also looked pissed.
i was crying and he continued to look mad.
i had a feeling i knew what it was about.
i went in my bedroom,
grabbed my laptop,
and letting you all know that i’m back.
still sad.
still moody.
but i’m back.
slowly.

lowkey: i am so thankful for all the emails and comments.
i turned on my computer and my email client was blown up.
even the f-bi had a gang of stories for me.
this has been a really trying situation.
my parents,
my money,
and now my brother.
i don’t understand anymore…

Author: jamari fox

the fox invited to the blogging table.

13 thoughts on “Bye Bye.

  1. You’re a survivor.
    Everyone around you have been called home.
    You’re still here. Your purpose is still unfulfilled.

    Take that for something.

  2. HUG HUG HUG HUG HUG. YOU TAKE YOUR TIME TO GRIEVE. WE LOVE YOU MAN, IT’S OKAY TO FEEL WHAT YOU FEEL RIGHT NOW. LOOSING SOMEONE IS NEVER EASY…BUT YOU WILL ONE DAY WHEN YOU ARE STRONG ENOUGH TO MOVE FORWARD EVEN STRONGER HAVING MORE INSIGHT. YOU ARE VERY BLESSED…….

  3. ya know the part that makes me so sad?
    he was my rock.
    i would call him to vent about boys,
    life,
    and just other things.
    even advice.
    he would call me and i would do the same.
    anything he needed,
    i was there.
    a brief conversation would turn into 2 hours.
    2 hours of the sunshine in my life.
    he would be my escape from the world.
    now he is gone and i’m alone.
    thats what hurt me the most.
    i’m never gonna hear his voice again.
    see him again.

    i called a mutual friend today.
    someone i met around the same time as star fox.
    i found myself rolling my eyes during that convo.
    almost crying.
    nothing will ever replace what i had with star fox.
    but life must go on.
    i will pick up the pieces.

    thank you everyone.
    new post coming.

  4. I know why he was looking pissed in that dream. You have been crying for the past three days and he’s tired of it. The dead never want us to cry excessively over them. Be strong for him, and for you too.

  5. Yeah its rough but you will get through it. Know why? You are an intelligent positive person and you will move on an grow. And we all have got your back.

  6. J I knew something was wrong when I hadn’t seen any postings…may you find peace in the memories you shared with your FRIEND.

  7. Jamari you are a warrior. It’s okay to grieve for your brother but you gotta get back up and carry on. You can not give it. You don’t have that choice. Star Fox would want you to keep going! You know this!

  8. Through your hurt and pain, try to incorporate that into your writing because it will only make you better, sometimes we need to pull from something in order to pull us together

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