drugs.
drugs.
mo drugs.

i couldn’t help but wonder about a certain wolf in my life…

what happens when you become someone’s favorite addiction,
but they never intend to keep you?

they say all it takes is one good hit to get hooked.
suddenly,
curiosity becomes a craving.
i’ve often wondered if the same thing happens when males,
who have only dated vixens,
meets another man who awakens something he wasn’t expecting.

sometimes,
the gateway drug isn’t sex.
it’s your energy,
aura,
and a connection that makes someone question everything.
apparently,
i’ve been running an underground drug ring.
this is why once these particular wolves tried to get off my high,
they start ODin’ on how “straight” they are now.

“PUSSY
PUSSY
PUSSY
OH HOW I LOVE LOVE LOVE PUSSY“

someone recently told me i should take that as a compliment.
even tho i’ve managed to attract some of the sexiest wolves,
weird because what they see as flattering has caused me some of the biggest traumas.

no seduction.
no chasing.
no elaborate sales pitch of how good my mouth and hole is.

it was just me being me.
some of these wolves still seem fascinated by me,
even after years without a conversation.
it made me wonder:

is the attraction really about me,
or the possibility of what i represent?

a few years ago,
a former vixen friend told me something that still sits with me.

“jamari,
i feel like you activate the curiosity in these dudes,
but they’ll never actually mess with you.
you’re the starter pack for them.”

those words bothered me it made me feel like i wasn’t enough.
many of those wolves eventually went on to date/marry vixens:

…but how many eventually explored what i awakened within them with other men?
what made me not the one they wanted to explore with?

there’s one particular “straight” wolf who loves getting high off my supply,
although his “starter pack” was with trans women.
my former vixen friend may have had a point…

or perhaps i’ve been confusing someone’s fascination with their willingness to actually choose me.

after years of being the intriguing possibility,
i’ve realized something:

i’m tired of being somebody’s gateway drug.

that makes me feel like a prop rather than a person.
i’m ready for change which made me wonder:

how do you stop being someone’s favorite temptation and start making room for someone who’s actually ready to stay?

is it me?
is it them?
or is it simply “right wolves; wrong times“?