“When you keep meeting the same male over and over,
they are all trying to teach you something.”

the a-ha moment.
someone said that to me over the weekend and it was profound.
it felt like it cleared my sinuses and put me in another timeline.
after i sat and thought about it,
all of those wolves that broke me all had the same scent…

They mirrored the first wolf that broke me.

*Curious mama boys who weren’t secure within themselves but saw me as the one they wanted to experiment with.
They all came into my life as “friends” who made it seem they were “accepting” of me.
In all of these situations,
I didn’t even realize they were interested and paid them dust until it was pointed out they were interested in me.
I was more attractive when I was in control rather than giving them control along with my power.

after being led on with what i assumed was mixed signals,
they all ghosted and were cruel af in their exits.
they either tried to slander my reputation or completely stonewalled me.
since that is how i was raised to believe “love” was,
or even friendship,
i made excuses and blamed myself for really shitty behavior.
i was truly a pick-me and i’m embarrassed at my own behavior.
the truth is:

I didn’t set up boundaries and kept a healthy distance
Mixed signals mean “no interest” regardless of what I felt
They were all straight until proved mature
I just wanted to fuck

a lot of these situations were fueled by pure lust.
when i fantasized about them,
it was about how good i imagined them fucking me.
there were no “relationship” fantasies.
i see many of them in relationships with vixens and it looks horrible.
they are all toxic and lowkey abusive.
these vixens are all acting like their second mamas.
hell,
they might all be foxes looking for a big dick daddy.
if this was a perfect forest and let’s font i ended up with them:

They would not have been fairytales or happy gay endings for me

it would have been me getting abused,
an in-between during their straight relationships,
but confusing fucking with finally being chosen.

I have decided to start breaking that decades-long curse.

i think i have finally learned my lesson.
have you?