Why “Settling” Is The Worst Thing You Can Ever Do

so i was having a conversation the other day and it made me go heavy on the eye roll.
for some odd reason last week,
i kept seeing the sexiest wolves everywhere.
it put me in my feelings because my phone is dry af right now.
so i said:

“have you ever felt like the people you are attracted to don’t look at you?
do they ever feel invisible?”

so they responded:

“your problem is you’re looking at too much good looking males.
you need to deal with someone who might not be physically attractive,
but likes you.

^that is where i eye rolled.
it’s funny coming from them tho because they settled.
a few week ago i was hearing an earful about someone that “liked them for them”.
it turned out that he was a demon from the depths of hell.
ima font you like this…

10k likes on a pic
transgendered wolf
checks “other”

we need to always remember that 90% of males just ain’t shit.
in gay males,
that percentage goes down even further.
males who are sexy af will play you for stupid,
just like males who aren’t attractive that will play you like a fiddle.
out males may do the same shit dl/discreet males will do,
but in an entirely different way.
i hate when gays say out is magically better than dl/discreet.
some of them are even worse since they “know” themselves.
a majority of these males out here are:

emotionally stunted
high or low end prostitutes
low self esteem/worth/both
uses material possessions as their calling card

narcissistic and way too self absorbed for own good
abusive in all ways (emotionally, physically, mentally)

addicted to sex sites; sex in general
spitefully spreading diseases without a care in the world

the “fuckboi demon” doesn’t have a look or checks a particular box.
it lurks in everyone,
including yourself.
i’ve learned some males just want to conquer you.
they see you as a challenge and will try to destroy your self esteem.
most of the times they use:

word play
mind games

…to have you all fucked up out here.
they’ll take advantage of you because they can sniff out your issues.
your low self esteem and people pleasing are the biggest magnets for drama.
i’ve seen it happen countless times.
to others and even myself.
i know males,
who aren’t societies standards of attractive,
acting on the same level or worse than those who are.
when you add money and a high social media presence then forget it.
the ones who aren’t cute have to learn other techniques to play you.
it’s all about being an “alpha” when most of these males are “beta”.
it’s about being “the man” when the “the bitch” is on the high key.
so when folks tell you to settle,
i see that as being “desperate”.
fuck with those who you find attractive in YOUR EYES.
don’t settle because you’re lonely.
stop jumping into these “situation-ships” because you fucked one time.
you don’t even know this dude!

the demon tends to appear once the “honeymoon” stage is over.
even before,
but we try to ignore the signs.
i’d rather sleep good than go through most of these relationship issues.
some of the shit i hear/see nowadays…
…i couldn’t be gone fast enough!!!!!!
you’ll fuck with a ton of “ughs” before you meet “the one”,
if you ever do.
make sure that as you’re doing you on the single situation,
you’re living good.
sometimes you do need to learn the various stages of “fuck shit” tho.
we can’t become teflon dons if we don’t get broken.

lowkey: if ima be dealing with fuck shit,
a least let the wolf be fine.
i mean bawdy tf goals and the dick from krypton.

don’t act like you don’t screw your face up when someone else is dealing with the drama from  someone ugly.

“…but i liked him for his spirit!” – they said.


Author: jamari fox

the fox invited to the blogging table.

22 thoughts on “Why “Settling” Is The Worst Thing You Can Ever Do”

  1. I do not think of it as settling, but I think of it as looking at characteristics that are the most important to the least important. Yes, I prefer someone phsyically attractive, but I also want someone that is honest, faithful, and can fulfill all of my needs. It is like finding a man that is a balance of everything you want.

  2. @Thadd & @Jay made a brother come out of almost a 1 year of lurking mode!!! Great comments brothers!!

  3. I agree with not settling for just anyone, but if what you find attractive is base level and hasn’t changed over time…self reflection is needed.

    I do feel like I’m this day and age we make the models we see on instagram the standard. That’s problematic because we don’t know anything about them outside of what they look like in a moment in time captured in a picture.

    I’m proud to say I’ve matured to a level where someone that has all the physical attributes I find attractive won’t hold my attention if I don’t connect to them mentally. That’s “settling” as well.

  4. This seemed like black-and-white thinking. We all want someone over 6 ft, fit, a six figure salary, nice smile, well spoken, nice personality, fashionable, good spending habits, nice pipe or cakes, decent credit, shall I continue?
    There are men like that.. But not very many, and let’s be real you probably aren’t one yourself. You’re looking for Prince Charming and expecting him to settle with yourself. Why shouldn’t he find another Prince Charming?

    Know your deal breakers, but don’t have too many. Be realistic. Maybe a guy you’ll find meets all of the criteria above, except for a couple by an inch. Would you let that chance at love and happiness run away continuously?

    1. ^and the same “prince charming”,
      in either package,
      could be a demon.
      demons can be regular or extremely good looking.
      finding a male is all about luck.
      we have to go through many in order to find someone we are truly attracted/vice versa.
      this entry wasn’t a “only seek out the sexy males” entry.
      a majority of them are trash,
      and even still,
      they have their flaws that you either deal with or don’t.

      what are you willing to put up with?
      don’t settle for anyone because of loneliness

      1. Jamari?!? Who hurt you?!?!? I wish to hug your inner being and stitch up that wound if that would make life better. You know I pass through here observing and I’ve noticed your writing style and tone have changed since early 2017. It’s even ATTRACTED a more sardonic following.

        It’s a harsher tone to say the least. Life, I guess. Can I ask a question? Why are you looking for demons?!?!? You’ll say that you’re not but your rebuttal leads back to, “Prince Charming….. could be a demon….” Blah Blah Blah!!!

        You’re smarter than that. You’re bigger than that. You’re certainly much more cunning than most wanna be journalist (I hate to describe you as a blogger. It’s tired, rote and reductive these days)

        Yes, choosing a companion because of loneliness/desperation is ridiculous. Don’t settle.

        Know your worth. Use this “famine” ie quite moment to know your worth. Not everyone in the forest eats all the time and You are no scavenger.

        What do YOU bring to the table that’s of value? Cakes and Meats do spoil and after that what’s left.

        No one stays aesthetically beautiful forever. Would you want to be caged up in someone’s unrealistic fantasy?

        It’s time to turn your focus inward and exorcise that inner demon that keeps manifesting as a reflection in everyone else.

        You must love your self like you want other people to love you. Like ATTRACTS Like, but you already knew that.

        Its a journey not a race. The thing is you’re on the ground Mr Fox and I’m in the clouds and treetops. My vantage point is just an observation.

  5. The funny thing thing is I don’t judge or question their taste in men but because I’m single and not talking to anyone at the moment my taste are always brought into question. Trust I have tried taking to guys that I knew knew off bat I wasn’t attracted because I was in a place of being lonely and desperate, and it never felt right or clicked. It was nothing like the butterflies I would get with my wolf “friend” and I was only doing it because I thought settling was better than being alone.

    1. ^ AND THAT’S IT!

      if i don’t feel that,
      then what are we talking about?
      that’s settling and i agree with you.
      i’ve tried to talk to wolves i was not attracted to and it was very dry on my end.
      you can’t force attraction so don’t try to.

      he doesn’t have to be an attentionisto either.
      someone just slips by and you know he is the one.

      1. I’m glad you added that last part in there, because besides from my wolf “friend” all of the wolves I crushed or done things with have been regular, there have been some that had my friends looking at me like ” really mikey?” but it was something about their looks that that drew me in.

        I know a lot of people of this blog think that when you’re talking about fine or good looking you’re only talking about attentionistos but you have stated before that’s not the case and that you’ve crushed on many that were just regular. We like masculinity and that comes in many different shapes and forms as we have experienced.

        1. ^i agree with you mikey.

          mine were regular wolves they were attractive.
          they were attractive to ME.
          they were “prince charming” for what i was looking for.
          it was more than looks.
          it was conversation,
          the way they looked at me,
          their voice,
          the way they were lowkey…

          everyone wants a prince charming.
          you are someone’s prince charming.
          i won’t settle for anyone because i’m alone.

  6. Was the person you were talking to female? I only ask because in my experience I only get that kind of advice from my straight female friends who A.) don’t understand because they have a few men they can choose from and talk to and B.) don’t really care much about the physical of the men they talk to.

    1. ^YUP!

      whether gay or straight,
      don’t understand and will never understand gay males.
      which is why im glad i can bring these issues on a national (and international) platform.
      star fox is the only one who understood how i felt.
      he was a gay male and we had similar tastes in wolves.

      1. Females have no choice but to be open and flexible about what are dealbreakers.

        I’ve been watching my friends pair off and marry and they’re not worried about gym bodies, skin tone, or six figure careers.

        These 400lbs dudes be pulling these fine ass women and being authentically happy makes you realize that people can really connect on a different level no one else understands.

  7. I feel you on this post but I think a lot of it has to do with self esteem and the fact that we live in a straight world . I have low self esteem and tend to think negative things about myself from time to time and I feel like that negative energy is being put out there, I do believe what we think manifests itself into being.

    Also we live in a world where we are no the dominant, its easier for a woman to get hit on by a man or vice versa. We could see a guy out in the streets, like what we see physical, and then we have to play the is he or isn’t he gay game. Unless you’re living in a large gay area or have gay male friends that you can go out with, it’s hard to come across like minded gay men and have a chance into running into the right guy.

    This is why it’s easy for guys like us to get played or seem like easy targets. When we meet that one wolf (be it a WW or my Wolf “friend”), we get invested because we don’t know when or if there is someone else coming along. There are no fuck buddies or wolves blowing us up to hang with us.

    1. ^see,
      i knew you’d make a comment that would hit me on a spiritual level.
      you are speaking everything i wanted to express to the person i was talking too.
      i’m trying to learn to manifest better energy.
      i read constant articles on manifesting.
      it’s hard,
      but i’m going to master it.

  8. Yes all is true but if you like good looking men why look away to some one not worth looking at hint make them notice you.

    1. A lot of times a good looking person could be interested in us, but because we are so caught up in our idea of the “perfect catch” (the one we want most) we’re too blind to notice.
      I had a good-looking thick brotha that used to be interested in me, and because I was only into “fit” guys at the time, I wasn’t interested in him beyond friendship. I finally “woke up” but by then, he’d moved away.

      1. ^damn,
        i know you were VEX.
        i’m open to wolves trying to talk to me that im attracted to,
        but my insecurities tend to get the best of me.
        i don’t act as smooth as i would as someone im flirting with and not attracted to.
        sometimes i get in my own head and fuck shit up.

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