Trapped In The Den of Baggage

261574_11170547_lzyour fox den.
your safe haven.
it could be your room or within yourself.
usually foxes go deep underground during the winter months.
when summer rolls around,
you come up and roam the forest freely.
summer is also when all the other animals,
especially wolves,
are out and about.
its usually comfortable down deep in your den.
just like its comfortable down deep within your insecurities

have you ever wanted to re-invent yourself?
serious question.
if you notice,
when people start to re-invent,
it’s all about their physical.
how many times have we seen this on #tbt?
what use to be a:

fat ass
skinny ass
cornball ass

…is now  juicy meat for the tasting.
6unfortunately that same insecure little cub still lurks underneath the new fur.
don’t let clever selfies fool ya.
as much as you are getting his new meat,
and i’m sure the new meat tastes great,
you are still getting his leftover baggage as well.
those never go away no matter how much you lift.

tumblr_m89peyZhMu1ry83fro1_500in order to fully re-invent,
you first have to look within yourself.
you have to face all your insecurities head on.
thats where i’m at right now.
as much as i have a job,
this amazing blog,
and other blessings,
i realized today that i’m still nothappy.
i have the old bags of my past still on my shoulders.
i tried to organize some of them in the other suitcases marked “insecurities”.
i even bought a storage space to store them while i figure shit out.
well i can’t afford it anymore.
the shit is heavy and my back hurts.
hell everything hurts.
it takes someone trying to head towards GLOW status to realize that.
remember a true GLOW starts from the inside.

i want to be “madonna” after the “erotica” era.
“usher” when he did “my way”.
“rihanna” after she went “bad girl”.
“biggie” after “life after death”.
“pac” after “makavelli”.
“ye” during his “graduation”.
“beyonce” after she went “solo”.
“pink” after she realized she wasn’t “black”.
that awakening when you figure out who you are.
i want to handle things differently,
not let people like liar liar get to me,
improved luck,
 thinking positively first instead of going way left field,
learning to just relax,
and finally realizing “leave emotions at the door”.
i want to say “i give no fucks” and mean it.
i’ve been depressed lately.
tired.
frustrated.
feeling claustrophobic in the den i created for myself.
today is the day all my bags got in my way.
sure my emotions create great art,
but i want to finally love the artist.
so i want a re-invention for “GLOW”.
i just don’t know how to go about it.

Does anyone else feel like this?

Author: jamari fox

the fox invited to the blogging table.

8 thoughts on “Trapped In The Den of Baggage

  1. YES! ME! I’ve always felt like that. I don’t know what’s holding you back. You seem fine to me. Way better than I am when dealing with certain things and not giving a fuck.

  2. I’m feeling exactly like this. It’s been a year since I’ve graduated, a year since I started a new job, a year since I’ve moved out on my own, and a year since me and my partner of five years called it quits, and I still feel like I’m not making enough progression inwardly to be happy. I have some good days and some bad days, but I would prefer if everyday was great. It’s so easy to give up, but I believe things will get better sooner rather than later.

  3. I’ve felt like this lots of times, I’m getting myself on track for the dreams I want to follow but there are are times I feel just crap. Praying for you, I hope this feeling leads you to great things.

  4. Yea, it starts from the inside. Once, a person gets that together, they should be fine. Good luck man.

  5. Life is a constant learning process, even when we feel like we’re at our wit’s end, there’s always a new lesson to undergo, a new story to embrace. And when we do accomplish our goals, and dreams there will be a new level for us to conquer. There’s never a dull moment in life..Keep on searching…keep on moving forward…when you get a chance listen to Jill Scott’s ‘I Keep’ beautiful song, very inspiring also. have a blessed day

  6. (Growing ), and we are all becoming the men and woman we are to be, we all do better when we know better, trust it is all for our good, keep growing ,and learning but most of all (SHARE ),what we have learned .some good ,some not so good,but all to teach and to love on the next gay man or woman.

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