23 thoughts on “The Land of the Bisexuals; Population 10.”

1. I’m friends with bisexuals. Some it’s hard to believe, others I believe wholeheartedly. Either way, I’m not in their shoes so I would never outright deny that bisexuals exist. Other gays and straights aren’t in their shoes either so I absolutely hate when they discount their place in our community.

2. I’ve read the post as well as the responses and I can’t say that I’m not all that surprised. The gay community “talks” about being inclusive, but are you really??? When we look at the LGBTQA acronym, we find that all that has any merit is the “G” and in some cases the “L”. What about the other letters, do they matter? Are the really what they claim they are??
   It’s something to ponder…

   I wanted to respond because I know bisexuality is real. It’s often misunderstood and for some, controversial. I would love to see the brothers seek to understand rather than pass judgement.

   It was not too long ago, that many in the Black community believed that there is no such thing as being gay…That it is a choice….Being gay, to have them tell it, is a form of self hate and a denial of the struggles that we face as a larger community.

   It was not too long ago, that others in the Black community would say being gay is a result of an absentee father, an overbearing mother, too many strong female influences, exposure to the gay “lifestyle” or rape/incest.

   Oh wait! Some black people still say/believe those things! Despite all of this, many gay men have forged ahead to live the lives that they feel are best for them. They are not bound by the outliers in the community. Many gay men have fought adamantly against stereotypes of all kinds—gay men are: feminine, florist, hairstylist, wannabe women, limp wristed, loud, abominations of a man. While some fit the stereotype, others break the mold. Gay men are not monolithic, fortunately.

   In regards to the bisexual male, gay men tend to treat us with a form of mistrust and opposition. Some of us have come in contact with a brother who may have exhibited some unrefined behavior traits. But can we lump all bisexuals into the same category? I dare say not! You, as a gay man, wouldn’t want someone to do that to you; but you feel that is totally acceptable to treat a bi brutha that way.

   I’m sure, that we all have met someone who does not fit in the stereotypical mold of a bisexual. The fem bi guy, the bi guy who dates one sex more than the other, the bi guy who has not had sex with one sex in a long time….Sexual orientation is more about your attractions and feelings of connection, intimacy, and sexual desire….not your sexual activity.

   You may have someone who does not have sex for a number of reasons but that does not change their sexual orientation. Activity does not equal orientation.

   I would also like to address the fallacy that claiming to be bisexual is somehow easier for people to accept. Let me tell you honestly….there are many people who do not believe that bisexuals can’t be trusted, do not have a true orientation (just say you’re gay already), and easier to fit in with mainstream society. This is a bunch of bunk! It’s not easier. If you want someone to look at you like you’re a double headed monster, tell them you are bisexual. They will do everything to convince you that you are wrong in your self assessment and that you are just trying to avoid the discrimination and harshness that gays face.

   Bisexual men are viable dating options. Anyone can cheat. Anyone can realize one day that they are not what they “thought” they were. Many bisexual men come out later in life because they have tried to fit in with one camp over the other and find that there really is no safe place for them to be. If you date anyone, get to know them. Evaluate their character and their morals. Decide if where they are in their journey is somewhere you can stand also regardless of sexuality.

   Trust me when I say being bi is not easier, just look at all the opposition above. With some women is this bad or worse.

   If you are bisexual, do not let anyone try to tell you that you don’t have the right to be who you are. Do not let others tell you that you are just gay or straight. Do not let others dictate how you should live your life. Be honorable and upfront with your potential mates, but above all yourself. You are the way you are because that is how YOU are supposed to be.. Remember, other peoples thoughts and opinions of you are not your business.

   Peace!

   1. You said a mouth full man, but that was worth a read. A lot of that was very true. Real Talk.

3. I think a lot of gay men were condition to gravitate toward women as a learned behavior because thats how society is set up. I thought in High School and College that I was into females until I had my first male experience in College and knew I was just fooling myself and never really looked back. It has been hard being that I am a gay man who is tall and masculine and attract attention from many females. So it would be easy for me to play like Im Bi-Sexual, so its hard for me to really believe in actual bisexuality, but I know a few dudes who get as much pussy as dick, and I think its more of a sex thing than any emotional attachment to either sex. We can probably all have sex with members of the opposite sex but will that make us truly bisexual?

   I just had this conversation with a good friend, who thinks that since he fucks chicks from time to time that he is less gay and he is really bisexual. Its a joke to me because you can fuck a million girls and still be Gay as Liberace. This dude is miserable because he does not want his family and co-workers to find out and he does not know that he shines more light on himself trying to hide his true nature. He told me that he is going to end up with a woman an I try to keep a straight face because he is so bitchy and so vain that no woman in her right mind could take him serious. I think in our culture we are more prone to get married and not live out our true self because of all the religious dogma and homophobia that most Blacks grew up with.

   Now on another note, I also dont believe that dudes who experiment and mess around when they are younger and experiment are bi-sexual or gay, and with this younger generation this is so common, they are so much more willing to explore all sides of their sexuality, and it seems like more females are more accepting of men who explore their other side than in years past.

   1. ^i like this one tajan!

   2. Wow, Tajan, I hope your friend comes into his own before he messes up a future wife’s life. It would be so selfish of him. I know so many brothers who only married and/or made babies to satisfy parents and society. I witnessed the nasty divorces and upheaval with the children. I know there are still a lot of backwater places in the country, but get out of Dodge. Move someplace more accepting. Plus, I have witnessed the juggling acts and tortured lives so many of these brothers experience, trying to hide at the same time trying to live their lives. It’s sad all the way around.

4. i think bisexual is the new down low.
   seriously.

   1. 100% agree.

5. I truly believe in bisexuality. I think with the stigma and lack of knowledge, there are a lot of people who don’t. Bisexuality in men is not talked about as much as it is in the gay community. I do think that gay men use that term loosely because it’s trendy or they feel that men would be attracted to them more.

6. Welll I am bisexual as well. Just like ´The Man´ above, I was completely girl crazy from a teenager and I often wonder if I always had these feelings for men or if it came after. Like one of the posters above stated, I am also totally not comfortable wiyh any anal whatsoever… pitching or catching. It´s just not my thing and I do not find it appealing. I live in The Netherlands, so I can´t really judge for the rest of the world, but I do know of many men that are in the same boat as me.

   When I am with a woman, I am totally into her. Love the curves, the softness, the femininity, scent… everything. With a man I have done oral (giving & receiveing), mutual masturbation, but mainly frottage. I think it’s sexy and it gets the job done.

   I had 3 serious relationships in my 34 years; 2 with women and 1 with a man. I was always up front about my sexuality. Strangely enough in my case, it was the man who couldn’t handle it well. But I would always keep both options open.

   1. ^thank you for commenting visiting me all from the netherlands!
      the foxhole runs deep!

7. I’ve met many bisexuals. Unfortunately, I know a lot of fake bisexual men that are fronting so that gay men will be more attracted to them. They will show you the pink meat of their asshole before you can even get their name. I feel you’re only bisexual when you’re romantically attracted to both men and women. Sex, in my opinion, does not define someone’s preference. It’s sad that a man gets labeled gay for absolutely ANYTHING slightly homosexual and females get called attention seekers and whores when they’re attracted to or have sex with females. I also feel that gay men who say they have no interest in women, but have never been with one can shut the hell up. How do you know if you don’t like something if you’ve never tried it?

   I hate labels though. They really separate people even more than religious beliefs, social statuses, etc do.

8. I think people essentially have difficulty with those things and/or people who are unfamiliar. Many younger people who’ve gone to school with each other and played with each other, for example, don’t have many of the fears and suspicion many of their elders harbor for people of different ethnicities.

   As for gay men labeling themselves bi, I agree with you, Jamari, that many think it sounds better, less negative than acknowledging their gayness. That being said, I do know brothers who are genuinely bisexual. The same way some straights cannot understand how anyone can be gay, some gays cannot understand how some people can be bi, because they, themselves, are not.

   1. Speaking of that. I don’t understand why it is hard for people to understand how a person could be bisexual. Don’t we love more than one fruit? Don’t we love more than one flavor of ice cream too?

      1. ^i think people don’t believe it because it doesn’t seem a man can do it effectively like a vixen can.

9. For starters, I do believe that men can be bisexual. The catch is, are those men are truly bisexual as they claim to be? A majority of men who claim to be bisexual actually aren’t. Just plain gay if you ask me lol. Some rather give themselves that title because they are in denial and somehow think it’s less degrading. I don’t think any title is degrading at all, it all depends on how you feel about yourself and your views on homosexuality. When it comes to me, I claim myself as bisexual. I am truly attracted to both sexes and have been since age 15. From the way I was as a little one, I never would have thought I would have ended up this way for real. I was crazy about girls back in the day. I be on the playground stealing kisses, feels, and all that good shit. Yea I was that dude ;-). It’s times I be like “damn how in the fuck did I get bi?” Well anyway, I lean more towards men as most men who are truly bisexual do, all the ones I have met anyway. If I’m with a woman that is where I want to be and she would never have to worry about me stepping out to be with another man and vice versa, I don’t play that shit. When it comes down to a relationship with a bisexual it is very hard being with one. I have been there and done that, it wasn’t a very good experience and it didn’t end well. The only bi man that I trust is myself, I’ll just leave it at that and end on that note for now.

   1. ^i love these answers.
      i want more!!!
      lol

10. I know I am bisexual I’m attracted to both women and men. I have had sex with women, as far as men, I have only given and received oral sex also mutual masturbation. I have never had anal sex with a man nor have I rim or been rimmed. I’m just not comfortable with anal play. Plus, all the dudes I have ever had relationships with were friends who identify as straight and have only had relationships with women afterwards. So I do think men can be bisexual. I do not think sexuality is black and white and attraction is something natural that occurs, you just cannot help it. And so many factors contribute to attraction.

    1. ^i have questions!

       what makes you uncomfortable about anal?
       do you think there is a majority of people out there who do not get fucked?
       do you prefer men or women more?

       1. Idk I just do not feel comfortable with inserting something in my ass or in anyone. Also, health concerns are a big contributing factor to me not being comfortable with anal.

          I wouldn’t say majority but I will there is a decent amount who do not get fucked.

          I would say I prefer women more b/c I have had one night stands with women. I have never had a one night stand with a man. Like I said the men that I have had relations with we’re friends so I got to know them before anything anything.

          I just think in college it is easier for men to explore their attraction to me b/c you’re in that environment where you live with guys who are around the same age as you and who have similar interest to you and you living on your own without our parents so it’s easier to explore that side. I guarantee that there are married men out there who have had some relations to a guy(s) and college and ended up with a women and never messed with men after college.

       2. I want to elaborate more. Jamari you’ve done a couple of post on wolves who identify as straight who always hang around the same dude(s) and you assume they are fucking or got something going on. In some cases that may be true b/c I’ve read that when you established a friendship with someone you’re attracted to them in some sense b/c with any relationship attraction has to be present. When you spend enough time with someone you start to develop feelings for them and in some cases you may act on them and in some cases you will not.

          1. ^thank you for your responses.
             very intelligent and thought provoking.

             ive only met one hybrid who didnt like fucking/gettin’ fucked.
             he got painted and didn’t want it happening again.
             he was down for anything but sex.

       3. @MindBlown I don’t think you have to be sexually attracted to a person you are close friends with. You may like the qualities he or she possess, but you do not have to be attracted to them in a sexual way. It’s more of on a friendly basis.

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