“oh heeeeyyyyyyy! you aren’t in my algorithms so i didn’t see you!”

“Social media isn’t real.”

that was the words from one of my good friends,
yha mourhia wright.
she has been on my podcast before and we have gotten really close during this lock down.

Can I be honest with the foxhole with something?
No matter if it sounds silly…

so today,
on my personal ig,
i threw up this pic for my family and “friends”

on my personal ig,
i haven’t been on there for close to 3 weeks.
i thought it was a nice shot to let folks know i wasn’t dead.
the foxhole has taken up all my attention because i feel more fed here.
i talk to so many in dms and my stuff gets retweeted/liked/commented on.
my readers show me more love than some people i know/are related to.
i realized…

Some folks don’t fuck with me as I thought they did.

just because i show up to support folks doesn’t mean they will do the same for me.
“the popular kids”
i know get all the love tho.
those same folks will run to the popular kids and be in comments and likes.

My problem is I have way too many expectations for others I know on social media.

you post your highlight reels and folks will eat them up.
even if they’re lies or masks that are hiding depression and anxiety underneath.
you post your truths and you’re shunned.
you stop posting on social media for a break and you’re un-followed .

So what do you post?

clearly,
if you aren’t one of the popular ones in your life,
you aren’t getting shit.
they want you to show up to their events or watch their productions,
but they can’t show up for you.
this is why i’m so private with the foxhole because i feel i won’t get support.
it’s one of the reasons i stay in this forest i’ve created.
the foxhole makes me feel wanted.
i bet if i put up a pic standing next to issa rae or rihanna

Is it real “love” tho?

its all bullshit.
i needed to get that off my chest.
it was bugging me.
thanks for reading.

Author: jamari fox

the fox invited to the blogging table.

44 thoughts on ““oh heeeeyyyyyyy! you aren’t in my algorithms so i didn’t see you!”

  1. Social media just ain’t shit to me. I get likes and comments from real ppl and that is all that matters. I don’t care to be popular because you end up with ppl harrassing you night in and night out with wanting to get with you and or ppl catfish using your pictures to scam other ppl. It’s too much drama. I stay out of it. I’m glad I’m not popular.

      1. Jamari, your transparency in this was so refreshing. Furthermore you are truly a BEAUTIFUL man! You have beautiful physical features and I’m sure a beautiful heart.

        What you’ve said is all completely true. I myself used to be what I’d call one of the “semi- popular” ones in the New York scene. You can get caught up in the fantasy of social media and the adrenaline rush it gives you. You can start to forget who you really are and there in lies the problem.

        My biggest issue was always that contrast. The fact that by nature I was a transparent and authentic person, yet that doesn’t get the follows, or the likes. What gets that is all the pics with the cakes on display and the dick prints and the perpetuation of the illusion that a person following you can attain you in some capacity. It’s all very exhausting behind the scenes and ultimately I got tired of separating elements of myself and slutting them out on social media.

        Ultimately when I began posting less (because of real life issues) those other bigger, more popular ones, who had put on the facade of friendship, started ghosting and unfriending. It hurt my ego but at the same time it was liberating. I ended up leaving social media for a few years to get my life together and now I’m rebuilding a following the healthy way with a renewed sense of self and purpose.

        However, some of my former popular associates now have amnesia. But it’s all good because be not fooled—when you are an authentic individual people are drawn to that true quality, and those in inner popular circles are willing to fax copies of receipts. And I’m like the IRS when it comes to record keeping. So as long as that amnesia doesn’t get them coming out of their face, the world gets to think all of that caked on makeup and glitz and glam is real.

        So forget them Jamari! You keep being authentically you. Sexy, intelligent, intriguing, and truly loved by friends, family, and the foxhole.

        1. ^this was such an amazing comment OOTBO.
          thank you for also being very transparent and honest about your past life in this city.
          lemme tell you,
          NY is no joke when it comes with the fake-ness of others.
          everyone is trying to latch on to someone to help them escape their lives for career aspirations.
          you think you meet someone,
          they share their life with you,
          and it’s all good in the hood.
          nope!
          you get that person for a moment and once you aren’t in their view anymore,
          they toss you to the side.
          until you rise again,
          you will be left out of events and outings.
          it’s ridiculous and exhausting,
          but it’s the truth that many of us choose to ignore.

          i’m glad you were able to step away and reinvent.
          it’s needed once you starting seeing how people truly are.

  2. I’m not against being popular if it’s for the RIGHT reasons. Social media is a mixed bag, with most of it being composed of vapid toxicity. You’ll hear me make comments about detesting aspects of SM.

    Social media is real except when you’re living a fake life but it’s very real if you look at it as a business and piggy back off of popular folks until you earn your wings and take off or whatever.

    Those naysayers..

    I will do two things with everyone/anyone online just as I would in person. I’m going to either give you the energy you give me or I am going to ignore you and conserve my energy for myself. One or the other. I won’t sugarcoat shit either way. I’m brash enough some will call me mean but we all know that just because someone is “mean” doesn’t suggest they aren’t a good person and just because someone is nice doesn’t suggest they have good intentions for you.

    “My problem is I have way too many expectations for others I know on social media.”

    I have none, even for anyone on here. I don’t know anyone personally, so I can’t even expect much from them. Though when I come here I find the site entertaining enough to comment sometimes. I’d say you’re doing something right. It does having an allure.

    You’re not a bad looking guy. In that picture you’re exposing yourself but it almost looks like there is some uncertainty in your eyes or something. Idk. Pretty decent self reflection post.

    In any case, do you ever take pictures of yourself smiling sometimes?

    1. ^i hate my smile lol
      when you have big lips,
      it just looks really awkward lol

      all of these SM outlets are a reflection of high school,
      even if we left high school ages ago.

      the rona is probably getting to me on an emotional level and making me more needy than i should be.

      1. No, smiling with “big lips” doesn’t look awkward. That’s insecurity from people who acted like your lips were “big”. Those lips aren’t “big” on Angelina Jolie.
        Your lips aren’t big. They’re the right size for your face.
        You’re used to seeing smiling White people in the media. So since they usually have thin lips, you’re used to seeing people bare their teeth instead of smile
        They look awkward. And they are paying for your lips.
        The same way Kylie is trying to look like Beyonce. some White gay is trying to look like you.
        Everytime you share insecurities, we’re going to address and vanquish them.
        Each time they respawn, the holy water’s ready.

        1. ^can i tell you this made me cry reading this?

          it’s been a tough day of being hard on myself for absolutely no reason at all.
          thank you c.
          i didn’t even want to post this because i felt it wouldn’t be taken seriously.
          i had to remember why i do this and just put it out there,
          regardless of what fear i feel within my body.

          thank you for sending love to my spirit with your words.

          1. We don’t know exactly what you go through, but we’re Black and gay so if anywhere is a safe place to be taken seriously without judgment, it’s here. And whoever Mr. Fox turns out to be, he’ll get to read your journal and see all that you overcame.

  3. This pandemic was the best thing for my social life. I’m done with the DL dudes who act like anybody cares about their identity. Done with the gays who want nudes but don’t have a face pic up. I’m done checking up on people who wouldn’t care if I caught it.

    People who cared are making more of an effort now and it’s appreciated. I don’t want to beg anyone to remember I exist. But when they need something….guess who will go ghost?

    1. ^and that’s the part i mean!!!
      those who people ignore often even up being the same person they need a favor from.

      these couple weeks have been a very weird place of me emotionally.
      it has heightened everything in my life and made me more sensitive than usual.

      1. My heart is going on a diet. It’s gotten too fat bleeding for others who would say “That’s rough, hope things work out” when I’m in need. These same people will ask for money when they’re better off than you. I’m just done.

        1. ^ i just wrote to someone than this feels like one of those tv show moments in everyone’s lives before the credits start rolling.
          it’s when the conclusion happens and it’s off to the next adventure mid season.

          1. I know the montage you mean. And when we return after the mid-season finale, a huge cast shakeup.

  4. Hey J!

    You have a great face!! Those Lips … oh,,er,,, uhhh ,,,, where was I ???…….

    Oh yeah “Social Media ” should be called “Anti Social Media”.. What I hate is that you attempt to post something relevant and it gets ignored.Then you see post that are so shallow or super superficial and people come out of the woodwork.

    This proves that they were reading/viewing your post all along .People are weird.

    1. ^thank you mindee.

      what’s worse is seeing people you know under others pics or videos,
      but they don’t show up when you post something.
      i’m not saying everyone has to like what you post,
      but like clockwork,
      one of the “popular ones” posts something and it’s like a sale at the supreme store.

  5. And Jamari, your hair/facial hair..YOU are fine. I see no werewolf as you claimed, wanting that haircut.

      1. Oh. Well think of it this way. If Yahya Abdul-Mateen was trapped on an island and you found him, would you say he looks rough? No, he’d look natural. He’d have a sexy survivor vibe.

  6. People trade on both Social and Professional capital. If you have none they ain’t f**cking with you. If you doubt this, take a good look at how people (including yourself) treat other people. The way you to respond to strangers weighs heavily on how you perceive their social and professional standing. Even the most altruistic of us sometimes fall victim to being selfish mean b!tches. Once you realize human beings are driven and limited by their physiological programming you’ll move pass them. You won’t need them, you won’t desire them, and nor will you hate them. It’s a liberating experience, but be prepared for the possibility of loneliness because most folks won’t be ready for a guy who’s indifferent to bullshtt. Those that are primed for your arrival will be like an orange moon. You better snatch that fuckah lol

    Live your life without their permission Jamari. You’re a beautiful soul ❣️

    1. ^this is a really intelligent comment black.

      i know we don’t see eye to eye at times,
      but i read this comment twice.
      you are absolutely right on everything you said.

      this shows me that you gotta just do you and don’t neglect those who fuck with you 110%.
      the others will fall off and will find themselves in your rear view mirror.

      thank you for this comment black.

  7. First off, your lips are so beautiful and kissable.
    Second: those eyes lashes are so curly that I am green with envy.
    Third: social media is game many sell to their souls to play. The popular ones you speak of are popular for a reason. These people have have to constantly show their bodies and expose more and more of themselves until their followers get bored and unfollow them. Look at their pages. Notice how the popular people get paid dust when they post face pics or a family friendly posts. Popularity is fleeting, but the emotional baggage of being abandoned by your following lasts a long time. I don’t think my self-esteem could handle the pressure of being popular.

    1. ^the fall of the popular ones is usually an interesting one.
      they see how many people weren’t really for them in the end.
      they were just using them for whatever reason.

      1. Nothing’s free. People will take as much as you give. A lot of these people don’t realize they gave away too much, until they are left feeling empty.

        #takecareofyourselffirst

  8. Yesssss we finally get to see you!! And you a snack 👀 the foxhole are your people Jamari. We love you and support no matter what! Don’t focus on those who show you fake love. We got you!

    1. ^love you too blk and thank you!!
      i appreciate the love.

      i want to thank everyone because i definitely relapsed into negative thinking.
      the comments were helpful in seeing the bigger picture.

      1. You don’t give yourself enough credit. YOU ARE JAMARI MF FOX OK!! Don’t let those simpletons Eva make you lose sight of that! ❤️❤️

  9. Cmon soup coolers! We gonna start an onlyfans with nothing but videos of you wetting your lips. 😂😂😂

    You have to accept that people don’t use social media to be their authentic selves and connect with the same, they use escape/avoid people and be someone else.

    I remember when you needed a college email to be on Facebook and how people would genuinely add each other and get to know each other before freshman year of college and throughout college.

    Social skills have really deteriorated over the past 10 years.

  10. I know I’m probably late to knowing what you look like, but I think I’m in love!!!! So handsome. Thanks for your contribution to our collective moments of happiness by giving us your voice through this blog. Look in the mirror and give yourself credit EVERY DAY!!!!!

    1. ^thank you steve!
      i appreciate the love and i’m gonna turn things around.
      the view points in this entry helped me see where i may have gone wrong and where others around me did as well.

  11. Believe it or not strangers are actually more supportive and friendly they dont have a real reason to dislike so you find better support from someone you dont know wanna know who cares get sick need help or start living your best life shining like the star you are and watch those who should care start hating on ya fact

    1. ^its sad that strangers see you more than folks in your own life do.
      i think people expect you to be down for the count and think your insecurities won’t allow you to be great because they know you personally.
      when you start doing something different,
      it can create tension and low-key animosity.

  12. You are Loved and Appreciated. And easy on the eyes haha. You have support continue to always remain optimistic in a not so nice world your light is shining. In the words of a song i heard. Only let folk ride with you that Love you. You come to far to not arrive on time.

  13. I love your picture and you are a beautiful brother. For me, I don’t live for social media except for LinkedIn. Eventually, my IG will feature code samples and visualizations as I am a web developer/amateur data scientist. I am not interested in following celebrities as I am too old for that stuff (I am 46 years young).

"off topic" and other nonsense gets sent to my spam folder. other than that, play nice and let's discuss!