Is That The Lonely Talking Again…?

as i sit here in the dark,
candles lit,
nice r&b playing,
there is a nice chill,
…and i am somewhere alone.
i have sailed away to a place of pure solitude.
but, the silence is so loud that i need air plugs.
i look around at this bright canvas in front of me and I contemplate to write something.
my mind is all over the place.
i think of one sentence and it forms 17 others.
i need to let some feelings out though.
wait, what are you doing up, anyway?

well here goes…

this lifestyle can get pretty fucking lonely.
majority of your time is by yourself.
you are full of questions about who you are and why you aren’t…
you find yourself making intricate plans on how to meet someone else.

well, who knew that you would just bump into a nigga on the online corner.
you both connect and it felt close to a life orgasm.
the same feeling like winning the lottery.
then a series of things happen…
texts go to calls.
calls go to face-time.
face-time goes to face time.


 you start to realize you don’t feel it anymore.
that honeymoon phase lasted two good weeks.
you realize, “wow i can’t build with this dude…”
shit you can’t even build a lego castle with him at this point.
you start asking questions and realize he isn’t on your level.
there is no oomph after all.
you don’t want to pull his clothes off with your teeth.
you don’t even want him to come to your crib.

but, he thinks you are the world.
he thinks you are the sexiest muthafucka to ever grace this side of the earth.
shit, you are but that’s besides the point.
you aren’t like “the others” he is talking too.
he calls, texts, and even makes the effort…
…. but you are drifting towards “let’s be friends!”.

he isn’t ugly at all.
he could do a few push ups.
he needs to stop smoking.
the drinking is a turn off.
judgement because you quit is not necessary.
his job is minimum wage.
he is a mama’s boy.
she enables his bad habits.
he can be a brat.
his smiley faces in texts are cute.
he did listen when you had a huge problem.
he does text you to say good morning.
he doesn’t do it at night.
he is occupied with his hoes.
he forgets about them during the day and it’s all about you.
he is dying to fuck you.
all the others did on the first meet up.
you think this is why he isn’t going anywhere.
he is patient.
he loves that you aren’t afraid to tell him how you feel.
he likes your attitude.
you are sure his list is smaller.

…over him.
he isn’t the one.
but, i’ll talk to him when i’m lonely.

Author: jamari fox

the fox invited to the blogging table.

4 thoughts on “Is That The Lonely Talking Again…?”

  1. Oh wow, i this experience with a guy i met last winter break. I met him on FB of all places, though i had scene him around town a couple of times and we had a lot of mutual friends. It started with a comment on his post, and grew to something more. At first, he was acting as though he wasn’t into me, playing games and shit. Talmbout, i don’t want to get hurt and shit. This nigga even had the nerve to say to me in my damned living room, that he only dates lite-skin dudes because he was teased when he was younger and gets hated on for being light bright! lol. That should have been the first red flag, but things was moving fast. Its like we was talking on FB, just as friends, then we decided to meet up and chill. He basically invited his self over my house, and i was just like cool. He came over saw my ass in my cotton shorts, and it was all over from there. Lol. We dated for like a week, he was the first guy I have ever officially dated. He was my first kiss too. I met his family, he met mine. And it was cool, but i didn’t feel sparks…I was fully into him. A deeper desire and connection was missing, so i just told him straight up I wanted to only be friends. I’ve decided to trust my instincts and look for deeper connections. I am not going to settle because life to short, and i’ve seen to many people (specifically my parents) settle for things that fuck them over in the end. So I would say get out of it if you not into it. Thats what i would want a guy to do for me, i might not like it, but i will respect it. Thanks, Jamari, for taking me down memory lane again. 😛 This must be a sign from the creator, that shit bout to get real this semester. smh

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