i didn’t mope around like i was going to this weekend.
i did stay in the crib,
but i actually felt motivated to do shit.
i don’t even think i felt sad for more than a couple hours.
because that always makes me happy,
but i also looked up ways to start getting back to whats important…
living in your own head is dangerous.
it makes you create scenarios that aren’t there.
it causes you fear and panic for no reason.
anxiety then starts to knock shortly after.
i will admit i was in my head a lot over the weekend.
i thought about work wolf and thoughts gnawed away at me:
“did i ruin a friendship?”
“will he look at me the same again?”
“is there now a distance between him and i?”
i had to force myself to get out of my head.
it was hard.
i overthink a lot.
its not even the healthy over thinking.
i blame myself for everything.
i should be saying:
“if he decides to move on,
that is actually his loss.
no one does it like i do.”
we have good times.
instead i mentally made myself into the enemy.
so i decided to get back to me.
focus on me.
force myself to focus on me.
mi and i did some bonding.
we made a few things from youtube videos.
she helped me deconstruct some jeans.
i started watching “gossip girl” again.
chuck bass and blair waldorf are my spirit animals.
clearly i haven’t been asking myself:
“What would they do?”
that show always cheers me up when i’m down.
it inspires me to want to live that life.
i did the silly things i do to return me back to my center.
cheesy to some.
happiness for me.
thats all that matters.
i also watched a lot self help videos.
this particular video put everything in perspective.
the speaker is mel robbins and she had a seminar on “tedx”:
i have screwed myself long and hard these last few months.
so i’ll be starting the “5 second rule” tomorrow.
i’ll also force myself out my bed early and live outside my head for the rest of the day.
start slow and then ease my way in.
as far as work wolf,
i’ll let him have his space until he hits me up.
if he does,
if he doesn’t…
well you know the rest.