I Wrote This (Before)

objects-0117_large(i randomly wrote this today.
a vent maybe?)
i’m over it.

yeah.
i think i have finally seen the light about work wolf…

now granted,
it was nothing bad.
he didn’t do anything wrong.
i’ve just had to come to my own conclusions on my time.
you can listen to everyone tell you what not to do,
but its only until you get fed up that you realize “times up”.

2857680769aed47ae6331af9f4bf7629i was laying in my bed last night and the buzzer went off in my head.

“i don’t like this.
i really don’t enjoy this.”

i’m handsome,
i dress great,
i’m really smart,
and i have many amazing qualities about me.
why am i even tolerating this?
obsessing over a wolf who probably will never be the one of my dreams.
and might i add,
the wolf of my dreams would have been scooped me up.
just saying.
we wouldn’t be texting about random whores he is undecided about.
there are things i don’t particularly like about work wolf.
he is:

self absorbed
confused
impatient
kinda boring
annoying at times

1-3i means its cool to shop and text.
he isn’t a bad wolf.
trust i have my own flaws as well.
he is just “there”.
i’ll be honest:

I WANTS ON THAT PIPE AND I WANTS ON IT NOW

…was that bad to say out loud?
the thing is that it just may not happen.
this is clearly confusion.
my part mostly.
i refuse to be waiting until i’m 89,
in a diaper,
hoping “fetch” happens with this one.
my insides like warm porridge at that point.
as much as i think he is into me,
his actions are too erratic.
i don’t get him.
i’m also catching myself doing things you don’t do for a “friend”.

i want a wolf who will acknowledge his feelings for me.
i deserve a wolf like that.
i deserve for him to text me “good night”.
i deserve to give him head for 3 hours “just because”…
okay tmi.
anything else is unacceptable.

lowkey: god is still working with me on this,
but i feel a breakthrough in my foxy spirit.
i wrote this before.
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Author: jamari fox

the fox invited to the blogging table.

21 thoughts on “I Wrote This (Before)

  1. “warm porridge?” Jamari?? warm porridge…such a metaphor to look forward too. Cream of wheat, oatmeal even….

    Well he seems like one of those str8 guys that likes to have a gay on his team for a reason of his own inside quandaries or inquisitions I had those and I chose NOT to get close at all-even tho they know u trying to peep the D**k print. The last thing I wanna do is look thirsty in a dry desert.

  2. You’re stuck in this mental rut because of your surroundings. I’ve come to the realization that that’s why I keep taking two steps forward yet two steps back. I find myself repeating the same thoughts I thought I had let go. If you got a new job and your blog got the advertisements it deserves, I believe work wolf wouldn’t ever cross your mind again because one, you wouldn’t be in that toxic environment and two, you’d find the time to fuck with wolves that you know are actually interested. No wondering if it could be with the fast and the curious.

  3. 3 hours of head though? O.O Damn! That’s a lot of play time! LOL!
    Yeah, I mean, we can all say things until our face turns blue, YOU have to see it with your own eyes. Thats why sometimes its best to just experience things until the light dawns on you.
    Its not our place to decide for you.
    Like you said, he’s just there, and he’s going to remain attractive to you, (unless he puts you off completely) but its time to look forward, he can be there, but your sights need to be somewhere else!
    I know how you feel, its tough.
    and yes, remember your good qualities! Does that messy wolf deserve a refined fox like yourself?
    You’re too good for him, and he will run through you like he did Liar Liar (if he ever got down that is). You would get no preferential treatment because thats just how he is. Thats not what you said you want or deserve.
    These days, if a guy says he’s straight, I’m already on to the next one, I just can’t be bothered with that y’know?

  4. LOL! Warm porridge……that just sounds…..interesting. But….YES.

    J, don’t be the gay he keeps around to tell him how great he is. Don’t be that gay. You’re being used. Even if that’s not his intent….that’s what’s happening. You’re better than that.

    Does he ever ask about you? Your relationships? Your feelings? Your life? Desires? Goals?

    This relationship seems one-sided…..

    1. Ooh!!! You hit a home run with this well said damn it man! I’m so glad that jamari saw the light because I didn’t like that nigga from jump street he’s a snake and a possible down-low one at that he’s a mind fuckologist these types of men are dangerous.

  5. Why can’t he just be a friend tho…..it’s okay to lust but to point out his flaws to make him undesirable because he didn’t give u what u want is kinda petty. I don’t desire a straight wolf, even a confused one and we as Bisexual and Gay men shouldn’t either. Because soon as he sex u, he will next you……A straight Bi for try dude never entertains Same sex relations for long. In the end, he will go back to what makes him comfortable and what he’s used too.

    Don’t lose sleep over this, enjoy the friendship and keep it moving……your time will come.

    1. Whoa! Your comments are borderline one-sided and ima tell why IMO with all due respect why is it that every time gay or bi sexual men come across these alleged hetero-flexable men that the responsibility should and always be on them to not cross that line? Why is that? When its these self absorbed glorified douche bags have no problem put it out there even vaguely suggesting it you act like some gay men just dont know any better and thats the problem I get the feeling that people mindlessly sanction hetero sexual men and their bullshit don’t afraid to call them out on their bullshit stop coddling them respect goes both ways.

      1. ^i completely agree kelly.
        no offense to the other foxholer.
        I didn’t start this at all.
        Yes,
        I emotionally got caught up,
        but it takes two to tango.

      2. @jamari- absolutely it takes two and a lot of the times I think gay men lost sight of that because they get caught up with not offending someone or pissing off some mentally ill straight guy who hides behind hetero-flexable privilege gay men need to have more pride in themselves and stop accepting the way straight people treat them!

        1. ^you are absolutely right kelly.
          with limited options,
          can one be blamed tho?
          it’s not easy to find someone,
          so when someone dings your senses,
          you can get attached and end up being emotionally starved.
          I’m not using this as an excuse for my behavior,
          but I will take full responsibility in my part.
          it takes strength to say you fucked up somewhere down the line.
          and everyone of us have fucked up in this life.

      3. wow!!!
        Preach Kelly! I never even saw them as having a “hetero-flexable” privilege. My eyes have been opened.
        You’re so right, why is it they can have their cake and eat it too? (pun intended LOL) They can get into our cakes on THEIR terms and when we want our needs met or want to reciprocate, we get the cold shoulder…why? Why don’t we get a say?
        You’re absolutely 100% right. It takes two, and they need to know they ain’t getting shit unless we’re a factor. Anything less should be considered disrespectful.

      4. @dignified- ding-ding!!! So true and why should gay people always modify their behavior to suite the needs of straight people its time for that to stop! Hetero sexual need to get over themselves and gay people need to stop upholding their behavior under the guise of being the “good gay” who’s always on his best behavior gay people when will you recognize that straight people view gay men as all the same so keep on believing that if you prove your humanity to them that their gonna separate from the herd your gonna be in for a rude awakening.

      5. I think its also the calibre of man we tend to choose to put up with.
        There are guys who have the capacity to comprehend the other person’s feelings, its just either rare or we just keep going to the wrong men.
        Or sometimes we think they like us because we want them to like us. (I have done that in the past so I know the feeling lol). We’re human, it happens!
        We shouldn’t allow ourselves to be treated like that,and even a straight/curious man should be as respectful to our feelings as we are to theirs.
        For me, its a two way street, but honestly, I’ll take a bi-guy or a discreet guy or just gay preferably over a straight guy. Its just too much hassle! At least with a gay/bi guy you kind of know what the deal is! Straight guys are too: “anything goes” with their intentions for my taste. I NEED to know what we’re doing. lol.
        I will not alter myself for anyone, or play some “good gay” role a.k.a being a pawn or gay slave. No thanks. I need respect. I’m still a man, I’m still a human, and if I’m being disrespected I’ll shut them DOWN!
        I will NOT be played for a fool! And HE (whoever he would be) NEEDS to know that! LOL!
        If I get that much I’ll be a happy hybrid/fox and he will be a happy hybrid/wolf!
        Problems solved! 😀 LOL! Respect and Communication is KEY!

  6. Yeah this one can stay in associate/buddy file.You’re too fly and this guy ain’t hitting on shit you need, good for you making room for the right wolf to come in your life.

    P.S. Love the Mean Girls reference !

  7. What I’m reading in the comments is a dangerous line of thinking.

    When you can’t recognize and own your pattern and your history as far as men and dating, you’re doomed to make the same mistakes over and over again.

    It’s too easy to feel like the victim, the one that’s been used and led on. At what point do WE (because Ive been guilty of it too) evaluate ourselves and really commit to doing things different?

    Honestly, we’re already on to our next shiny train to the same place before we even take the time to self reflect.

    I have no problem admitting that I’m more liable to mind fuck myself and lead myself on rather than some pineapple having that kind of power over me. That’s giving them too much credit in my opinion.

    1. Agreed! Self-awareness is a tricky thing to accomplish though.
      I consider myself very self-aware and sometimes I still fall into those traps. Yearning and loneliness can become very powerful the more it festers.
      We have to actively watch for our own patterns of self-deprecating behaviours in order to catch ourselves before we make the mistake. Its not easy.
      I agree with you though, we can’t always play the victim when we are self-inflicting our problems.

    2. What you mean “a dangerous line of thinking” if your referring to my comments if you read my Comments I in no way give anybody a lisence to be delusional I was just simply saying if the signs are there call it out only if the situation warrants an appropriate response so let me ask you something why every situation that involves a gay person its always one-sided it seems like people give hetero-sexual people the benefit of the doubt by default and gay men especially are always left holding the bag and it seems like gay people themselves are more likely to chastise other gay people who are being genuinely violated why?

  8. The work wolf is simply living his life. YOU are the one HOPING, PRAYING, FANTASIZING that he’ll be GAY. He ISN’T. ACCEPT that and make yourself available to someone who IS. Simple as that. Now, pardon the tough love, but your readers DON’T need to hear ANOTHER word about him. It makes me, for one, start inching you over toward the PATHETIC column, and I don’t wanna do that.

      1. Ooh jamari! you beat me to it lol! I was about to dig into his or her behind I don’t understand why they automatically think because you see what you see that your desperate or have a bad case of gay man’s wishful thinking syndrome how sad this is what I was talking about earlier about gay men’s quest to prove something to straight people. Smh!

  9. You got to get away from this man. It is not healthy for you at all. I can tell you are getting caught up with this dude. You got to fall back man, for your own good.

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