I Hate That I (Might) Kinda Deep Like This Work Wolf

tumblr_m84000DPnm1roxkefo1_500you know what i hate?
the “not knowing”.
i have never been one to appreciate that.
i always want to know what the fuck is going on.
i mean,
that’s completely natural,
right?
its normal to want to be in the loop.
or maybe i just some kind need patience?
i don’t know…

we went out tonight.
work wolf and i.
special guest also included.
a vixen from our job.
she cool people.
platonic with both of us.
we went to a happy hour and then the movies after.
“straight outta compton”.

“what kind of slushie you want?”

he asked me in a low voice.
he even bought a popcorn for us to share.
as we dipped our hands in the bucket,
we touched a few times.
i loved it.
i loved how it made me feel.
at the same time,
i hated it.
i hate that after the movie,
we couldn’t say “bye” to her and head back to my crib.
that is where i would suck the soul out his dick.
i know.
i’m nasty.
#dontjudgeme

tumblr_m6rz55vlec1rp62eqyou know what else bothers me?
how horny i was as i sat next to him.
first of all,
he is so muscular now.
second of all,
his muscular arm felt so good next to me.
how i know?
i mean he was literally leaned up on me.
shoulders touching.
he would adjust himself and be all on me.
when he was trying to talk to me,
he would be all in my ear.
its like we were in our own world.
it felt so good.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.
…and then he would lean over on her.
then back on me.
do this a few more times until he stopped completely.
like our back and forth in this “ship”,
it was very confusing.
he is confusing.
i almost hate him.

tumblr_mb7575tZz71qmfh3wno i don’t.

i had to ask myself if we were on a unofficial date?
or were we just out as platonic friends?
we don’t do normal shit “friends” do.
he doesn’t talk to me like a normal friend would.
its different.
he admitted something to me before we parted ways:

“i haven’t been myself these last two weeks.
i got a lot going on.
ima treat you good next week.
i promise jamari…”

…and then he went on his train.
he was very vague about what he was doing tonight.
i can only imagine.

tumblr_mb757aCzVE1qmfh3whe was checkin’ out some vixen and i saw him.

“i was just looking…”

i didnt even ask that question or care too.
he answered like a cub with his hands in the cookie jar.
i don’t know what to do about this one anymore.
i am scared.
scared of my emotions.
scared that many people have said to me:

“you are falling in love with him.”

that sentence makes me sick to my stomach.
why?
it might just be true.
that scares me.
the “not knowing” if he also feels the same way.
the “not knowing” if he even thinks about my dumb ass like i do him.
the “not knowing” when this will come to an end.
i hate that i’m addicted to this.
addicted to him.
sigh.

vent off.
i’m frustrated.
going to bed.
nite.

Author: jamari fox

the fox invited to the blogging table.

30 thoughts on “I Hate That I (Might) Kinda Deep Like This Work Wolf

  1. This relationship is so confusing.When you told me the three of you were going to the movies I assumed she would sit in the middle.I never imagined you would sit next to him and share a cup of popcorn.Hell ,my male cousins even leave a seat empty between them or have me sit between them.What did the three of you you talk about at happy hour? Does the vixen have a boyfriend? Does she appear to be interested in him? This situation is so frustrating it’s aggravating my ulcer.

  2. Oh the platonic “is this or isn’t it” date😤😤 those are annoying as fuck. This one ya had sounds cute I know you were hurting probably sweating up a storm.

    I hope something happens in the future that will let your mind and soul be clear. This thing ha have is nerve wreaking and I would hate for it to drive you to the point of no return. Good luck.

    P.S. How was the movie? I want to go with my wolf “friend” since he said he wanted to see it.

    1. ^i think i am at the point of no return.
      the sad part is he can’t be blamed.
      he isn’t the enemy.
      he is completely innocent.

      the movie was actually really good.
      definitely go see it with your wolf friend.
      i learned a lot about that whole west coast/nwa era.

  3. It’s becoming unhealthy. Potentially setting yourself up for a very big let down. Time for you to make your real feelings known, define some boundaries and be willing to accept it might be time to end this.

  4. The fact that he said “I was just looking” is interesting to me because it sounds like he is defending his right to have a wandering eye. Hm. Why would he feel the justify something like that unless he felt like it was wrong to do so in front of you;like you are in a relationship? *gasp* 😮
    The fact he always brings a random vixen that he has no interest in and vice versa is interesting also.

    I could be overanalyzing but it’s the little things that speak louder than words! I don’t want to say anything but all roads are pointing…
    hm.

  5. Reading these stories remind me so much of a situation I went through. Basically I was playing the friend game with a “Straight” guy and caught feelings but I got over it, Then I got hit with a curve ball and he confessed he “loved me” but he couldn’t “act on it”

    After a while I just got exhausted. I couldn’t do the roller coaster one day he’s begging me to “come over” the next its “Im straight I cant” I had to cut ties. Work wolf might be a different guy though. And I hope it works out. I just hope you keep your senses sharp. It’s emotionally draining.

  6. This is the most confusing relationship I’ve ever witnessed lol. I do feel your pain though because I have been in light situations like this where you just….don’t know 😕. His signals are so mixed 😖. The shoulder touching, the sharing of the popcorn, him buying you stuff…I just can’t lol. I don’t know what to make of the situation. I just don’t know any TRUE heterosexual men who would treat me how he’s treating you. Not saying it’s impossible, just saying that it’s rare. In my mind I want him to be in love with you too, but on the other hand I want him to be heterosexual because it’s nice knowing that gay and hetero men can coexist in such a way.

  7. Ok. So when is he going to come through? I think he wants to, and mi will be there so he has a female buffer. It’s ok to love him but Jamari, I really think you should get out on a date with someone else. Hell, you’ll even compare the two. But work wolf is playing some sort of game. He is sincere. But also draining.

    1. That work wolf saga just want let us……. so back to your comment i completely agree with you it’s nice to dream about work wolf and all but at the end of the day Jamari need to realise that guy is playing game with him. my point on this is: he already know jamari sexual orientation and if he really wanted Something serious he would’ve crossed the line long time ago but no. The problem with taht is Jamari is waisting his time waiting for him while he ‘s samashing girls and will probably ends with a wife and Kids as the society and his family wants it.
      No hate there , keep that friendship J but date other guys time goes by………..

      1. I agree Jamari. You are talented. You are smart. Go out on some dates with other guys. Because this Work Wolf thing is mainly in your head an not reality. My partner Van asked me to ask you whether you like drama and being tortured? There are plenty of people in the world who would love you so why waste the time, Van says. Or why don’t you just bite the bullet, get him alone, and grab him and have sex. That will answer your question quickly. You are young now so you don’t realize it. Life is short. It goes fast. Don’t waste a moment.

  8. This is why you always come back to square one with him. You have tried to probe further, didnt work. You have told him you used to like him but hid the reality that these feelings are current and present, didnt work. You have even tried playing coy, didnt work. You know exactly what your feelings are for him and they are so strong that they scare you. You try to downplay them as much as you can to protect yourself but they are too strong to deny. You dont feel this way on your own and he is NOT innocent. This isnt just in your mind, everyone at work can see it, liar liar sees it, your vixen friend saw it. He sends out signals and he knows damn welll what he is doing. He knows how to play in this ambiguous territory because that allows him to move forward and pull back at will without giving himself away. He knows you like him and thats why he said he was just looking so you wont be jealous. He sees right through you, he knows your inquiries regarding him are more than just a friend asking questions.

    You have to either lay it all out and face whatever consequences good or bad, or learn how to compartmentalize your feelings so that you can healthily interact with him as time passes. Honestly looking at what this wolf does to you it may be too late for the latter. This reminds me of a Kelly Price song “Secret Love”. It wont get any better until you know. Just know its not all on you. He isnt some straight guy you admire from a far. The reason you feel this way is because he acts in a way that would suggest there is a possibility for romance between you twi. If any one of us were in the same situation we all would think he is in to us. His actions say one thing and then another time they say another. Weather or not its intentional he is def playing a game with you. You are on an emotional roller coaster Vivian Green. Bon chance mon cher.

    1. ^ Cosigning this, with one addendum. It might be helpful to begin some self-talk. For example, ” Im falling in love with a man who likes pussy. If he has feelings for me too, I might find myself in a relationship with a man who likes pussy. If I go into it with my eyes open, I can handle that WHOLE reality.”

    2. I pretty much agree with this too. Work Wolf knows EXACTLY what he’s doing. These dudes think they’re so slick…running all types of games. They try to make it subtle enough so you can’t quite call them out on it because if you do, they’ll turn things around and call YOU crazy. Same games they run with women. smh

      1. Ding Ding Ding! Nicholan is correct. Dude is playing games. Do you like being played Jamari? Go seek therapy to figure out why you obsess over an unavailable man. Grown, mature men don’t play games like this.

  9. Oh man this is really tough and kinda bad. Maybe you should think about him having diarrhea o his unides have caca stain, anything that gross you out to control your attraction for him.

  10. It sounds like he likes you A LOT but he isn’t ready to admit it yet. Or maybe he is…but don’t stress yourself out over the situation. Just take it for what it is right now and live in the moment.

  11. This is so worse than getting with wit a homo you know is gay. Men suck. Go with the flow and enjoy the now. If looking for love was that easy all of us would have a man.

  12. This is my opinion on it and I don’t mean to insult anyone but some of these opinions are stupid. Jamari could meet a gay man and still get hurt as he could with this guy from his job. Out gays, down low gays, or discreet gays, don’t mean you will find success. The same concerns with this guy are the same concerns he can have with a guy who is gay. Jamari needs to try his hardest to remove his emotions and enjoy what happens from now on. From what I’m reading (which I enjoy) he isn’t spending money on this guy so he needs to enjoy what was brought into his life. The only reason this is stress him out is because of impatience and loneliness. Relax boo. Let it be and enjoy the ride. Don’t destroy something out of insecurities.

  13. “Run Run As Fast As You Can” disagreeing with 90% of the comments this is going to not end well for you.

    Meanwhile you could be missing a “wolf” you encounter everyday who is interested in YOU!

  14. Jamari this relationship is unhealthy for you. It seems like your emotions are being toyed with whether he know what he is doing or not. I feel you can only hold your feeling in for so long until you burst.

  15. For the people who are encouraging J to RUN from this confusing,less than perfect relationship.Have you ran from ALL the confusing,less than perfect relationships in your lives?
    #Maninthemirror

    1. Preach Colette!

      He’s not looking for anyone to tell him what to do. Jamari should put a link somewhere for the post he made about these comments.
      Do your thing Jamari. Ignore all of the negativity.

      Question though, what kind of relationship do you want with work wolf? Friends with benefits, monogamy, discrete, etc etc.

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