Where Am I? (Off The Beaten Path)

tumblr_mjx78iZAmu1rgxvefo1_500“how does an emotional fox take the emotions of out something?”

that has been my thought process as yesterday.
i looked in the mirror and realized i’m so far off the beaten path,
i am somewhere in a darker forest than i originally thought.
that is what made me start looking again…

i like to consider myself a strong fox.
you know i been through some “thangs” in my past.
in our genetic make up,
we won’t be strong in all areas of our lives.
i have met people who fall victim to things they should know better.
as of late,
i haven’t been strong with a particular “work wolf”.

its okay

he has been my biggest test this season.
i could sit here and look for a million excuses.

i can’t
i won’t

he is in my life for a reason.
maybe he is in here for a season or lifetime.
i don’t particularly know.
i just want to get my power back without letting him go.

without.
letting.
him.
go.

i can’t blame him when i’m the one who is full of the emotions.
he didn’t do anything wrong that requires our friendship ending.
why cut ties with someone because i can’t get it together?
so i had to wonder…

Am i the one to blame?

i’m the who allowed myself go to far.
i’m the one who was trying to be optimistic.
whats that saying again?
oh i remember:

“have faith the size of a mustard seed”

i let loneliness and positive thinking get my mouth wet.
i was thinking about the future and living in the fantasy.

giphy-1i’m not the victim.
i’m not the enemy.

i’m someone who likes someone who does things that lead me here.
i’m someone who manifested someone after all the praying and “faith” having.
i’m someone he hits up everyday and take his last dime to make sure i’m okay.
i’m someone who could be wrong or be in the path of someone accepting who they are.
it could work out or it won’t.
i just want to get the emotions out of it and relax.
i want to go with the flow and go wherever the tide takes me.
the problem is that i don’t know and my curiosity lured me off the beaten path.
i need to either:

a) turn around and get back to where i once was
b) accept what is and go deeper to see what i’m led to

at this point,
that’s all there is to it.

giphy

Author: jamari fox

the fox invited to the blogging table.

12 thoughts on “Where Am I? (Off The Beaten Path)

  1. Personally, I didn’t agree with the comments that suggested you walk away from this situation. Why should you walk away from this situation for the fear that it might not work out for you? It’s too late to just “walk away” anyway, as if it were that simple. I understand where the concern is though, it isn’t healthy for you to spend your time wondering, it would be nice for you to have the closure of someone who you KNOW likes you, but life isn’t always that simple.

    Regardless of what happens I feel like you should see this through, just BE PREPARED for anything! (Easier said than done, I know) I don’t think you can remove your emotions Jamari, I don’t think that’s who you are, that’s not a bad thing, just something you would have to work around,we’re all different, but just because you can’t remove all emotions doesn’t mean you can’t try to control them. Try to go back to “going with the flow”.

    1. ^you are right d.
      my emotions make me who i am.
      sadly its not easy for me to just walk away unless i get really hurt.
      he hasn’t hurt me at all.
      i hurt me.
      so i need to work on stop hurtin me.

      1. I just think you need to find something unappealing about him to control your emotion. Do you remember saying that he’s a cheater and fucked too many hoes? Well try to concentrate on the negative.

  2. I don’t think you should walk away, but I do think you should be more cautious.

    As someone who was in this situation you give him too much power.

    I think you need to let him chase you is all, Let him put in more effort, Let him worry where your head is at.

      1. No judgement here. Thats why i said before any one of us would be confused and thrown off if we were in the same situation. He is being ambiguous and in my opinion its on purpose. Im glad you own up to your part, he should own up to his. There is an explanation to his actions, what that is idk. All u need to do is just take a step back catch your breath and turn this shit around on him. Its a game being played. U had the power at one point but gave it up when he advanced. He gets to u, all u have to do is be consistent. Be available but not to available. U had this doen when u said to him u were talkin to some one. Just play yo cards. Have fun with this.

        1. ^i have reached the “limit” point of this programming.
          it’s the part where im ready to make a change because I can see my faults.
          writing about this and reading the feedback helps me tremendously.
          thank you for your font jay.

      2. Oh no problem. I for one think u have dealt with it pretty well. Definately better than i have with my past situations. Im sure u will find the right answer soon.

  3. You are not to blame in this Jamari you’re only human. He’s not going to be out of your life anytime soon so I say the only way to get back some of your power is as you stated, let him be the chaser in this hunt. If I’m not mistaken this whole friendship started with him bumping up against you as work (right?) so it’s not just in your head. I wish some other wolf would come and take your mind off him downhill so you can gain some kind of footing but alas that’s not the case right now.

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