that has been my thought process as yesterday.
i looked in the mirror and realized i’m so far off the beaten path,
i am somewhere in a darker forest than i originally thought.
that is what made me start looking again…
i like to consider myself a strong fox.
you know i been through some “thangs” in my past.
in our genetic make up,
we won’t be strong in all areas of our lives.
i have met people who fall victim to things they should know better.
as of late,
i haven’t been strong with a particular “work wolf”.
he has been my biggest test this season.
i could sit here and look for a million excuses.
he is in my life for a reason.
maybe he is in here for a season or lifetime.
i don’t particularly know.
i just want to get my power back without letting him go.
i can’t blame him when i’m the one who is full of the emotions.
he didn’t do anything wrong that requires our friendship ending.
why cut ties with someone because i can’t get it together?
so i had to wonder…
Am i the one to blame?
i’m the who allowed myself go to far.
i’m the one who was trying to be optimistic.
whats that saying again?
oh i remember:
“have faith the size of a mustard seed”
i let loneliness and positive thinking get my mouth wet.
i was thinking about the future and living in the fantasy.
i’m someone who likes someone who does things that lead me here.
i’m someone who manifested someone after all the praying and “faith” having.
i’m someone he hits up everyday and take his last dime to make sure i’m okay.
i’m someone who could be wrong or be in the path of someone accepting who they are.
it could work out or it won’t.
i just want to get the emotions out of it and relax.
i want to go with the flow and go wherever the tide takes me.
the problem is that i don’t know and my curiosity lured me off the beaten path.
i need to either:
a) turn around and get back to where i once was
b) accept what is and go deeper to see what i’m led to
at this point,
that’s all there is to it.