GOODBYE ISN’T AS SCARY AS IT USE TO BE

i dropped outta high school,
but the school of hard knocks had teachers i’ll never forget.
people who provide lessons i’ll never forget.
we all had those kinds of teachers in life.
once we heal and move forward,
we realize just how WACK all of them turned out to be.
their courses were actually simple but we didn’t grasp the learning lessons.
sometimes it takes being kept back a few times because we failed to get it.
sam smith said that he is too good at saying goodbye…

I’m too good at saying goodbye now.

i will hold the door open,
help someone pack,
delete their memory,
or dance on their grave.
i think i’m strong enough to get the dick and block the number after.


i can move forward rather than prolonging any hurt now.
thank GOD for putting in the work but the issue right now is…

I have a friend that I can’t seem to forgive.

his immaturity has turned me off.
for the last 6 years,
it’s been the same story.
he did something that really annoyed me,
but unlike the other times,
i stopped speaking and started that “goodbye” process.
i didn’t hear from him for months,
but he has been hitting me up.
i’ve been very short with our texts.

I removed him from my mind and I’m having a hard time putting him back.

maybe i’ve become too good at saying goodbye now?
i’m trying to recall the emotions i felt when we were really good friends,
but they don’t exist anymore.
all i can think about is the truth than the lies i told myself to forgive.


the last incident was kinda the straw that broke the camel’s back.
i don’t want to say i’ve become heartless.
i’m still kind.
if he hits me up,
i won’t be rude,
but i think the friendship we had suffered a big hit on his end.
the days of 150 chances are long gone.
i’ll two.

If only I was this person with the emotionally unavailable wolves I suffered from.

lowkey: the way to look at things is this.
people we really loved have hurt us and ghosted.
some died and left us here alone.
once you have people die or leave with no explanation,
it becomes easier to deal with it.

Author: jamari fox

the fox invited to the blogging table.

6 thoughts on “GOODBYE ISN’T AS SCARY AS IT USE TO BE”

  1. Jamari, I wonder what did your friend do that was unforgivable, if you don’t mind me asking
    – –
    I noticed during covid my bonds broke with a lot of people

    I was the one dancing on tables at brunch spots but when I took the virus seriously and stopped partying once we locked down, now that outside is back open and we’re all vaccinated, only about 4/15 of my close friends have been consistently contacting me, so those who haven’t our relationship naturally fell off. It’s like missing a month of class and when you go back you’re no longer welcomed at the table with your friend group.

    Recently, another group of friends in the city has deteriorated, and I feel like it’s just natural shedding. I’m learning from ppl who are late 20s early 30s it’s par for the course. The sex and the city friendships where grown people with jobs meet every day for happy hour and share weekends and kiki in the group chat every Day isn’t realistic & maybe it’s time for me to start seeking monogamous romantic partnership that will allow me to take trips and spend time home with them. But the state of the community makes that so difficult. Makes me realize I was using friendships as a buffer for my lack of romantic interest. I’m not even interested in men anymore like I always find something that turns me off about their behavior or the image they portray on social media

    Maybe I’m less tolerant than before, but I definitely know I’m a lot quieter and more of a thinker than I was March of 2020. I don’t care to get attention anymore which is def hard when you’re looking to date in the gay world. Bc generating buzz and being sociable is really the only way, it seems

    1. ^its not so much unforgivable,
      but he has been stagnant with his growth as a person.
      the way he has handled his toxic relationship has been a lot.
      not only that,
      he did something that really turned me off and it exposed a part of his character to me.
      therapy has helped me to see when i’ve been giving too much of my emotions.
      he will always be a friend but right now,
      i need to separate from him because he needs to find himself and work on the things that are holding him back.

      1. Cancer’s
        Have that button that we press and we never look back. Suffice it say, we move and rearrange our whole world in our quest to be loyal to friends, to people, so when they offend and are removed from our lives, it usually is for something serious. Wounds cut deep and healing can take place only after said removal of the offender.
        I honestly need therapy. Where I am, it is a deficit of good counsellors. They are just logging in ours rather than transforming lives.

  2. You are better than I am Jamari. Once I realized how triflin’ the folks were in my life and cut them off, I didn’t look back. Some tried to reach out and when they did, I told them I had no interest in moving backwards, only forward. I didn’t have a place for them in my life any longer. Like that photo of Tom holding the door open, that’s me…with no fucks to give! LOL

If you wouldn't say it on live TV with all your family and friends watching, without getting canceled or locked up, don't say it on here. Stay on topic, no SPAM, and keep it respectful. Thanks!

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