everyone one of us loves attention in some way.
no one wants to feel un-wanted.
when you are in the spotlight,
or that someone you are really feeling is feeling you back,
it can be one of the most exhilarating feelings.
you can do and accomplish anything.
it gives you an extra pep in your step.
sadly when that attention is taken away,
or not returned in a way you want,
it can bring out people’s worst insecurities.
in this new age of taking a snap shot/video of everything,
we can get quick attention at a snap of a finger.
too bad its only fleeting.
we have to constantly seek validation from empty sources.
so even tho we know this…
Why do we still search for attention?
even tho i been chattin’ with work wolf,
i can’t help but feel some kind of way.
i realized it last night after some of the comments.
“this situation is toxic“
wasn’t that her best song tho?
anyway many of you said it.
my spirit is saying it.
my body has been ejecting it.
i get it.
i’m still learning to let go of “fuck shit”.
now its not toxic because i fear he is going to turn on me.
he still has nothing on me than what i wouldn’t mind getting out.
the situation is toxic because i crave the half-hearted attention he gives me.
sad i know.
i revel in when he hits me up.
when i know that this wolf is talkin’ to many vixens right now.
he puts them first.
today for instance.
i’m not a vixen.
i am jamari fox.
i can admit when i’m being a dumb ass.
i’m being a dumb ass right about now.
i can also admit:
this ain’t healthy
as much as i’d love something to pop,
i need to put this one as “friend”.
he likes me as his people.
“pineapple i chat with”.
if anything happens in the future,
i’d be open to it,
but i need to move on to a wolf who is actually gay or bi.
acknowledged gay or bi.
one who aggressively wants to make something happen.
i can understand if this was d/l-ituationship and i was getting dick.
this is empty.
well it feels empty to me.
see thats the issue with attention.
when you aren’t getting good attention:
someone who is extremely interested
someone who is halfway (or not) there
…it can feel like absolute death.
its very lonely and you begin question yourself:
where do you stand?
where do i fit in?
does he even want me?
am i wasting my time?
it can make an attractive person feel they are ugly and worthless.
even with social media.
the things we go through just to have strangers like us…
and we still feel empty trying to keep up.
you don’t want to be at that point in your life.
don’t be me:
the dumb ass
…and lets not act like i’m the only “dumb ass” out here.