f0xmail: the white gays wanted nothing to do with me in the gym sauna. racism?


Hi Jamari,

I’ve been reading your blog for a few years now and wanted to vent (and ask for your opinion) since I don’t really have any gay friends and I consider you a friend in my head (as Wendy Williams would say.)

I go to the gym in downtown New York during the week and usually go in the sauna after my workouts. As you may or may not know, it usually gets sexual once the straights walk out. I usually go to the gym by my job but the last two days I have tried one in a different neighborhood. Yesterday I had a good experience, but today when I went it was my first time having a negative experience.

This new location had both a steam room and a sauna. I walked into the steam room and there were about 7-8 fit white men. Usually, I am used to seeing a diverse crowd, but I sat down like I usually would. Within less then 5 minutes all the white men walked out. So, I stayed in the steam room for about 10 minutes and decided to see what the energy was like in the sauna. There were like 4 new (white faces) and like 5 of the 7 men that were in the first room. Again within 5 minutes the majority of the men left and based on the direction they all went back into the steam room. I then saw a black guy go into the room with all of the white men and they walked out. When the black guy came into the room I was in, the white guys walked back into the empty room. There was 1 overweight white guy who came into the room me and the other black guy was in, and once any fit white guy looked into our room they wouldn’t come in.

Part of me felt it was racist, but another part felt like it was also because I don’t have a perfect body (I have an average bodyflat stomach but no six pack). Regardless of the reason, this experience felt super catty, racist, and just inhumane. I understand everyone isn’t going to be attracted to you, but it felt very “you can’t sit with us.” I have had guys I wasn’t attracted to hit on me in the saunas before, but I still treat them with decency. I’ve heard stories about how white gays can be, but this was my first real experience with them in a group. I try to not stereotype groups, but this has really made me not want to deal with them in the future.

Do you think I am overreacting to this situation? What has your experience with white gays or gays in general been like?

P.S – This has motivated me even more to get the body I aspire to, and once I get there to remain humble.


i love a good foxmail.
i’m glad to see one hit my desk.
thank you for reaching out reader.
glad to assist.

white gays.
my experience with white gays have been two of the following (stereo)types:

1) The Vanilla Shenehneh
2) The Curious and Delirious Chad

so the first type were super twinks who wore “black girl drag“.
they could neck-roll with the best of them and had a supreme hunger for bbc.
the second type is like all the curious black wolves i seem to attract.
unlike the scared black wolves that secretly jack off to me every night,
the white ones were bolder in trying to get to know me.
i did appreciate that aspect.
they went too hard in trying to appeal to me with “black culture” and i got turned off.
most of the time,
we are only used to satisfy a fetish or appeal to our egos with our music and culture.

Sidebar: I’ve never dealt with a white wolf in a romantic or sexual way,
but I had sex with a biracial wolf before.
He was more connected with his black side than his white one tho.
His dick was like a 7″,
couldn’t feel it in me,
and the stroke resume was pretty awful.

He grinded in me with my legs on his shoulders and a fetish of me squeezing his ass so he could nut.
One and done.

your situation sounds like typical white gay males who were looking for the same.
it sounds like it was a real-time grindr or scruff profile.
a majority of white gay males only looking to fuck each other with a user bio:

…like this was the gay jim crow era.
now i could be wrong but by your account,
their actions seemed sus.
even i would have been like “wtf?“.
even tho this is new yawk,
racism is still alive and well even if it’s a melting pot and protesting blm.

i wouldn’t take it personally even though i’m sure it stung.
you might have wanted to get in on that action,
but this is just the real forests we live in.
not everyone,
including white gays,
will like us.
they might have wanted a group sesh with their mirror images.
who knows.
the scene might have played differently if it was a one v one situation.
i wouldn’t dwell on it too much.
continue to work on your bawdy to look like the bbc drilling machine they tend to love.

i mean one that even the foxholers love so much.
we do love a sexy-looking drilling machine.

always stay woke reader,
but don’t let that experience make you jaded from future connections.

i hope that helped!
let’s see what the foxhole has to font about it…

Author: jamari fox

the fox invited to the blogging table.

34 thoughts on “f0xmail: the white gays wanted nothing to do with me in the gym sauna. racism?”

  1. As someone who is a regular Gym goer, I really didn’t know what to say about this Foxmail. Maybe its New York, I have never seen white men leave when Black men come into the Sauna at my Gym if anything more will come in. I would have been happy if I came in and they left, many of them who hang out in the wet areas are old out of shape trolls anyway who frequent saunas and steam rooms looking for a cheap thrill. Clearly the writer of this Foxmail must be into white dudes if he felt some kind of way about them leaving and if so how unfortunate. You cant make anyone like you or want to be around you, as long as they did not tell you could not come in I do not see the problem whether they are racist or not it is there prerogative not to want to be around you. Maybe he wanted some vanilla action. Oh well he will be okay and with Rona making a comeback it is probably best to avoid being in closed hot tight places anyway.

  2. Ok so maybe I can help with this. All of what everybody else said, may be true, but that’s not what you experienced. Here is why they immediately walked out. When cruising in the gym Sauna and Steam Room, there are regulars and there are crabs/newbies/rookies/virgins, etc. To see a new face walk into the scene knowing what they plan on doing, yeah they will walk out because you may be a undercover. Undercovers are not necessarily cops but somebody that reports back to management what is going on for management to change their routine by shutting it down or restricting their access by adding time frames or putting more company presence in the area. You have to also put into the mix that stereotypes also come into play with cruising. So for a room full of a bunch of white men, they feel intimidated by a average black man because there 5-inch on hard is a black man 5-inch soft. Granted there are some white men who are above average but they are not intimidated by them because of race. A black man working out in the gym may come off as he may be stronger, he may be bigger down there, or he just may be threatening to them sexually. The fact you followed them is what gave them the suspicious thoughts that you may be undercover. If you really wanted to get a nut off, you know how they do it in the gym sauna, slide your hand under your towel and if somebody look and do the same, go for it. The steam room, wait until its enough steam, pull it out and if somebody join, go for it. You didn’t give them a sign you was trying to do that but lets not ignore that you are a black man in a different setting with a bunch of fit white men. Yes it may be a little racist but they don’t know you, they never seen you before, they don’t know your demeanor for you to follow them and join in. I’ve done that to my own brothas because some of them weren’t my type or I felt like he could have been a spy. If I felt like he was a spy, I’m going to ask one of the regulars, have you seen him before. How long has he been down here, has he been upstairs working out? Trust me, people are watching you. Its not hard getting a show or some action in the gym even with straights.

    Straights walk around the locker room with a towel on but step on the scale with a full ass erection then go to the mirror and take pics with other naked men walking around but soon as they head towards the lockers, put a towel on.

    Don’t let it get to you just stick to your normal spot and if you want a new spot, don’t follow the group, let them know you down by giving them a tease. If they bite, then you follow. If they don’t, do like most of them do, stand in front of the locker like you changing, get a locker by the sauna or steam room and watch, stand by the showers (that’s a clear sign somebody trying to play around), sit in the sauna with something to keep the cheeks from burning and show something without showing it all, I wouldn’t advise anybody to wait in no steam room for any action. I’ve seen people get carried out from sucking dick too long.

    1. ^ooooh okay i like this other aspect tbbc.

      the foxhole is so fuckin’ smart.
      you guys always schooling us on other aspects and i really appreciate that.

      1. Working out turns them on so they are naturally horny seeing their body progress so it has nothing to do with sexuality. That’s why most of the straights are already erect taking pics because that’s their peak when it gets on brick brick. When they come back to reality and head back to their locker or the shower, they get a towel and completely cover up or if they are in the mood… walk completely naked with the erection to the shower and come out feeling “refreshed”. That’s normally why the men’s showers are pretty much full. Places like Planet Fitness or those $10 a month gyms don’t get action like that. The action they get is the completely naked workouts, sitting in front of a mirror in front of the weights with the dick out, running the treadmill naked late at night, in the pool jacuzzi watching or getting off. Trust the gym has all the action the bathhouses don’t. Its in clear and plain sight. I’m a member of Xsport Fitness and every one I have been too, the action is worth watching and joining. Yes there are people looking to get a quick cheat before the boyfriend finds out. This one guy told his boyfriend he was going to sit in the sauna to sweat it out while the boyfriend hit the weights. The whole time, he was in the sauna letting tops and versatile guys finger his hole and bust a nut on him while he beat off.

        1. ^ whaaaaaaaaaaat?
          jamari gym arc coming soon.

          i saw something where a straight said he is always horny at right after his workout.
          i guess this explains why he went and got pussy after.

    2. “Straights walk around the locker room with a towel on but step on the scale with a full ass erection then go to the mirror and take pics with other naked men walking around but soon as they head towards the lockers, put a towel on.”


      -fans – u need to write erotic novels

      I’d watch this movie !

    3. Everything you said sounds right Bad Boy Club, and I also used to work at a prominent facility and showers and baby I could write a book on my encounters. Them white boys love the BBC, I’ve seen action everywhere and even in the locker room area and bathroom when the time was right. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve been offered to have sex with some handsome buff white dude and may i say, I’m just average body type. most will sneakingly do it behind the boyfriend or husband when the other has parted. Yes, there is an etiquette of knowing who is on the team just by going bare and letting it hangout or even having a semi hard on in the sauna. I would not touch someone, just strike conversation and see where it leads tho. I can tell you that was one of the best jobs I’ve every had and I miss it to this day.

  3. First of all like you said Jamari this is New York but it’s a melting pot (to me it’s a salad bowl)

    And most people living here enjoying the finer things aren’t natives meaning they’re successful whites from middle America etc (conservatives)

    The locals live along the poverty line you don’t catch them about town often bc they’re comfortable with normal things being here all of their lives

    It can sting not being accepted by mainstream but oddly enough I never wanted to

    They always say something stupid or covertly racist to piss me off so I’d rather be around blacks and Latinos

    Now what I DO notice is that a lot of time our own don’t find us suitable for partnership it’s typically light is right , white adjacent bs

    That’s a greater discussion

    op you’re convinced you want to work on your body as part of a campaign to attract fit white men — ask yourself why

    1. “You’re convinced you want to work on your body as part of a campaign to attract fit white men – ask yourself why?”

      I threw my shoe at my phone screen lol

      That man basically didn’t get the attention he wanted from the FIT WHITE GUYS and started crying wolf!

      Cuz one white guy DID PAY HIM MIND but according to him, he was overweight so he decided to not even acknowledge him in his desperation simply because he didn’t meet his standards. He only wanted the fit white gay guys…so should the overweight white guy consider him racist? 😁😁😁😁

      I’m not here for oh the gay community is this and that and if you don’t have the perfect body or you’re not “masc” then you don’t exist. But it’s like most of the ppl who are “fem” or don’t have “perfect bodies” are only interested in “Masc” with “perfect bodies”. So you’re rejecting the very thing you are but if someone else does it it’s a problem?

      Like I said, we all have a type/preference so don’t be a cry baby if you get rejected cuz chances are you did the same to someone who was standing next to you. 🤷🏾‍♂️

  4. I rolled my eyes at this foxmail!
    Did this guy really write this exposé to tell us about how heartbroken he felt that white gays didn’t accept him?
    Because it matters to you that much? 🙄

    I see this all the time with black people in general; this need for white acceptance for our existence to be validated.

    It’s most disgusting in black gay men crying over we followed them and they walked out so they are racist!

    Eh no! They are not racist they just weren’t attracted to you for their own reasons. Maybe because you are “average” maybe because you are black and they prefer being with white men. It’s their right, their choice, their preference.

    They didn’t stone, spit, or call you names, they just walked away.

    Stop being butthurt because YESTERDAY the white men wanted you but TODAY they didn’t…so that means they are racists!!! Boy if you don’t…

  5. Google ‘white gays’ (w the quotes). It’s a whole thing about how hot white men only circle w other hot white men. They’ll add a very attractive latino/middle eastern guy to the circle, and sometimes you’ll actually find a hot blk body.

    I ‘came out’ at 31 n got introduced to the NYC gay scene by an attractive white dude. I quickly realized that I was not gonna get the juice from them. I could’ve gotten my dik sukd effortlessly, but as far as being considered for a date, no! And I’m handsome. But I was waaay too negro for them.

  6. The person asking should have said “Hey guys, where’re you going? I’m vaccinated!” just to be shady back.

    They would have felt called out and nervously laughed, feeling stupid.

    I always thought saunas were not the most hygienic. The heat relaxes your pores and allows the toxins to come out. Do you really need to be in a cloud of other people’s nastiness?

    1. It’s mostly water and sweat and only 15% toxins, but still. Don’t want to be in anyone’s fog of musk

  7. Lizard lips, flat asses, and grassy hair. I would never have noticed because they are absolutely hideous to me. Fuck them. When you see them, raise your nose and walk out. Make sure you say, uh uh or hell no as you walk out.

      Why did you compare hair to grass! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!

      I am attracted to white men…who don’t look white, so it is what it is.

      1. The person did say that this was his first time at this particular location. Perhaps because the men weren’t familiar with him, they didn’t want to do anything sexual in front of him. For all they knew, he could have been straight or even just a gay guy who is not into public play. It would have been careless on their part to carry on as usual in the presence of someone who could potentially report them to the authorities.

  8. I wouldn’t look for validation in a steam room. In all my years of working out I try to get in and out the gym as fast as possible anyway. I did have a fun time well over a decade ago when my hotel hosted a citywide catholic priest convention tho. Who knew that priests liked to party in the steam room. Confession was interesting that weekend. LoL

  9. Hey itsH..I’d be happy the white guys left the room because sometimes they are a rsss pest who thinks everyone wants them.. Just know yourself don’t worry bout dem…

  10. 95 % of White Gay Males prefer White Gay Males

    95% pf Black Gay Males prefer Black Gay Males

    ( This may also be the case with Asians, Middle Eastern , etc. Gay Males are very particular)

    Class dismissed!!

    1. Black is beautiful, not sure if I agree with you on this. I do believe that 95% or more white gay males prefer white gay males, and 95% of black gay males prefer black gay men. If you look at these stats when it comes to black gay men, in every aspect, whether its sports, entertainment, etc; most blacks will choose a white partner. I see this in the porn industry as well.

        1. Both of you factor in some very good points.

          —–Black Gay men will go for the ‘White approval” of falsely perceived European Dominant partner syndrome. —–[ This can go really deep guys and we can talk about this for days ]

          I was basing the 95/95 on my personal observation when I used to frequent both Black and White gay clubs and view porn.

          The exception is Gay Black Celebrities’ t who end to choose White partners by a higher ratio.

          I welcome opposing view. I like being enlightened.

    2. Where are these Black males? I’d love to meet them. Biracials seem more into me than Black guys.

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