Recently I’ve been a bit exploration with my personal life. Throughout my life ive only been with two guys. With pressure of being a virgin i ended up payed someone to do the job but we didnt get that far. Recently I’ve met this guy that’s really nice with tons of ambitions in life. A handsome college grad thats a few years older than me. He’s a bit feminine but it doesn’t show in his appearance which is okay to me… but I get absolutely nothing sexual from him. I’ve even told him about my past but he has hard time believing he’s the first guy I’ve been with. He’s made me realize I’m not sexually attracted to sex but I’m attracted to the fantasy of being with someone beyond physically. When i see someone, i think about what it would be like to be THEIRS or for them to be MINE. This not only applies to men for me, but for women as well. I feel because of things being so sexual nowadays it seems like people skip over falling in love with someone. They go more towards lust now. instead It’s more so just a hookup or fwb sex that most people are after. I though the increasing want to have sex with someone came from being so deeply connected to someone that there’s no other way to show how much you love them? Maybe it has something to do with being abused as a child… These thoughts have had me down for a few months now and i dont know what to think of them. Being bisexual is already a bad enough label. People immediately assume im hoe-ish. Ive been through so much now im about ready to give up on something that seems so hopeless.
Am I wrong for feeling this way?
let me tell you a little secret about me…
that is too close…
…so when i meet a wolf,
or anyone for that matter,
i try to get to know them on a deeper level.
i don’t think i fit in with the “gay dating world” today.
we don’t even “date” anymore.
we all seem to be very disposable to each other.
it is interesting to me.
i like to take it slow.
sometimes i get lost in the fantasy as you do.
yeah i’m fresh as hell on the foxhole,
but i still believe in the art of “talking”.
remember that word?
you were “talking” to someone.
that meant you were opening up the possibility to cuff.
i’m not beyond a fwb situation.
for jamari fox,
i like to understand you before we fuck.
that’s just me.
i have better sex when i know someone.
i know what pleases them and they know what pleases me.
i’m sorry that makes me fuckin’ weird,
but that is just how it is.
here is another secret.
you know why animals never forget about me?
i “talked” to them.
i made them open up and drop the walls down.
i like to make animals laugh.
i treat you like someone i’ve known for years.
i am interested in you.
i’ve had wolves i haven’t seen in years tell me:
“you cared about me when no one else did.”
they ghosted me for hoes and realize those hoes don’t love them.
i could have.
too bad; so sad.
keep believing in love.
there is love out there.
keep giving animals love.
animals today need a lot of love.
you train others how you want them to treat you.
if you come off like a sex toy,
don’t get mad when you are treated like one.
this reminds me of the episode of “satc” when samantha was sick.
she had no wolf to call to rescue her.
she done pulled her curtain rod down and all kinds of shit.
since she was a “hop on a pipe quick” kind of vixen,
all the wolves were busy or didn’t answer her call.
here is my favorite scene:
i never forget this.
it’s the entire gay life in close to two minutes.
it will get you down foxholer,
but there is someone out there for you.
i hope he shows face soon.
lowkey: does this not describe us...