f0xmail: I Want Him, But The Way Those “Mixed Signals” Are Set Up…

A6_Lotka_Envelope_baronialFOXMAIL

Yoooooo

Whats up Jamari?? As you know I have been a loyal member of the foxhole since the beginning. I check the site daily and you have definitely helped me through some situations. I’m kinda going through a situation with a guy and I just want your insight.

So I met this guy a few weeks ago and immediately felt something that I haven’t felt for anyone before. I really like him and he says he likes me too but doesn’t show that much attention. I have been entertaining other guys and he got mad about it. He basically doesn’t trust me and said we could only be friends. I laid everything out and told him exactly how I felt about him but he didn’t respond. I deleted his # and our text history and was never going to talk to him again.

He hit me up 2 days later and we had a good convo but he is sending mixed signals. Idk if I should pursue him or just move on. He is the perfect guy…100% my type but I don’t wanna look thirsty or like a fool.

What should I do!?

Thanks!

MY ANSWER…

well thank ya love!
always glad to have you aboard.
now lets get into this one…

“fuck shyt”.
sometimes it starts out real subtle.
other time its practically in your face.
when it comes to dating,
its those key “fuck shyt” moments that we either ignore or never forget.

“if he cheated on someone else,
he may cheat on me.”

“if he is addicted to sex,
he may get bored wit me.”

“if he goes to the gym every morning at 4am,
he gonna expect me to join him.”

um.
the last one is serious.
i probably turned over about a half and hour before that.

reader.
i think the answer is pretty clear.
he is sending mixed signals because he doesn’t trust you.
you already know this.
you were honest enough to tell him you entertain others.
he probably saw the smoke in the background in the near future.
you are single so you can pretty much do what you want.
maybe it is your vibe that he is picking up “not serious”?
sometimes we don’t realize we give off a scent that others pick up clearly.

the positive thing is he is confused.
well thats not really a positive thing,
but it means he is 50/50.
with the right “push”,
he could be motivated enough to fall.

it seems he wants to entertain you,
but he may just be scared you may hurt him.

that has happen to many of us before

my advice…
keep it friendly for now.
you have to allow him to trust you.
building trust isn’t easy,
but the more comfortable someone is,
the easier it is for them to say “fuck it”.
i can’t tell you to stop entertaining others,
but if this is someone you want,
why not drop them and focus all your attention on him?
or…
will you get with this person,
have a good 1 or 2 months,
and dip out once you are bored?

giphythat has happened to many of us

ask yourself those questions first.
sometimes the chase is more exciting than what we think is “the catch”.

i hope this helps.
keep me posted and thank you for your support!

best,
jamari fox 

Author: jamari fox

the fox invited to the blogging table.

9 thoughts on “f0xmail: I Want Him, But The Way Those “Mixed Signals” Are Set Up…

  1. Jamari your advice sucks. Couples often have sex with others before they settle down with each other or as they are dating. If things go well they discuss exclusivity. Dude is just not in to your correspondent. He need,to keep
    dating and not get into this proving his love is real bullshit.

    1. ^well immanuel,
      thanks for the comment.
      from what the reader said,
      he likes dude and dude doesn’t trust him.
      the main reason is due to him entertaining other guys.
      i could be wrong,
      but this sentence:

      “I have been entertaining other guys and he got mad about it.
      He basically doesn’t trust me and said we could only be friends.”

      so clearly from the sounds of that sentence,
      dude wants him to “prove he is real”.
      the reader also likes this dude:

      “So I met this guy a few weeks ago and immediately felt something that I haven’t felt for anyone before.
      I really like him and he says he likes me too but doesn’t show that much attention”

      so judging from that alone,
      it appears to be more serious.
      if it was something sexual,
      my advice would have gone in that direction.
      you may not understand that as you and your boyfriend(s) tend to have a very sexual,
      sometimes “one sided”,
      open relationships.
      again i could be wrong tho…

      1. This is from Van and me.. We are old enough and dated and had relationships long enough to know bullshit from real. We have expwrience that you lack. Hope one day you get enough experience not to advise people to change themselves to please someone else, especially since they are just getting to know each other.

  2. Eh I think he should keep it moving.

    He said they could only be friends so leave it at that. If he changes his mind let him come to you.

    Trust when he sees you giving other guys attention he may come around.

    I don’t do the mixed signals, especially if you laid out your feelings.

  3. I didn’t read any advice telling him to change himself for someone else.

    He simply said to take steps to show him he’s serious, which isn’t bad advice.

    I just wouldn’t do it because I’ve already told you my feelings and you’re still giving mixed signals.

  4. The guy probably thought he was the only one the foxmail sender was talking to. it can be hard to fully take what someone is saying a face value when you’re aren’t the only one they are talking to, so he most likely thought this guy was a player. I would and that would definitely Have a little trust issue with someone but when the sender. Said he laid his feelings out and told him how he felt with no relply I would have to say the ball is in this guy court. That should have been the time to say whatever he was feeling or what he didn’t like.

    I agree with J just be friends and try to build up a relationship that way. You may find out things about him that either keep your interest or it drops completely.

  5. If you feel he is giving up on you or not paying you any attention, stop communication altogether. Do not waste your time, I been there and done that. If you do too much you might regret it if the situation does not go the way you prefer.

  6. I fall into the keep it moving camp. I ran into an identical situation awhile back when I moved to ATL. I was finding myself and trying to date until one day I encountered an amazing guy. Dude made me feel things I’d never felt before . I admitted my feelings and also got no response. I admitted I’d been entertaining other guys (not screwing) also and got the cold shoulder in a similar way.

    My response was to try to “prove ” myself. I cut off contact with the other dudes and deleted online profiles. He still didn’t give me much attention after that. And before long things blew up. We tried to be cool later and shared our feelings and again no attention. Fast forward he moved back onto his ex and the nice guys I had as dating prospects had moved on too. I was back to square one and extremely lonely.

    I say all that to say that you’re both adults. Being gay doesn’t mean you have to commit after a few weeks or that you’re a ho for dating and learning what you want in life. If dude was legit himself he would have stated his intentions for you and said he wanted you to be exclusive with one another. He did neither. On to the next.

If you wouldn't say it on live TV with all your family and friends watching, without getting canceled or locked up, don't say it on here. Stay on topic, no SPAM, and keep it respectful. Thanks!