f0xmail: How Can I Be Numb To Good Dick After A Hook Up? Help!

FOXMAIL

Hey J,

Hope all is well with you. Visiting your blog everyday is like a ritual for me. Whenever your site is down I panic haha, keep doing your thing, you have people who really enjoy your content. This is going to be lengthy so sit back and relax.

Anyway I wanted to come & talk to you about men. Why is it so hard to find a cool guy who you can mess with on the regular and isn’t full of shit? I know how dysfunctional gay men are when it comes to relationships so I never ask that from a guy. I don’t need that extra in my life just yet. Because to me it’s a recipe for disaster. My time will come gradually by the grace of fate. Not force.

Now I’m a tall (6’3) muscular (Trevor Siggs body type) student/model. I have ZERO problem attracting men (and women even though I’m fully gay), and it’s always been that way since I was in school. However here’s my gripe, it seems like the ones that I like, will sleep with you and then act like you don’t exist after that. How are people so unattached to their emotions? I know you shouldn’t expect anything after a hookup but damn.

Two days ago this Jamaican guy from Canada visited my city for work, he works in real estate. He was really muscular and was packing. He said he’s planning to move to my city soon. Mind you, I’m 20 and he was 30. I generally like my men a little bit older than me. He hit me up on grindr and asked me to come to his hotel room so I came over that evening. I walked into his hotel room while he was on a conference call but once that call ended this man gave me this work!! (if you know what I mean). He was so passionate, he loved kissing, he fucked me in every position and knew my limits, he knew when to be gentle/slow and when to pick up the place and went steady with me until I came. He even fed me grapes through his mouth after that afterwards. Everything was like a movie. After that he took me to a 5 star Chinese restaurant that was on the ground floor of his hotel, we spoke and then he drove me in his car to his gym. When he dropped me off at my place he told me to stay in touch with him and he said he’ll hit me up before he leaves to go back to Canada.

I messaged him the next day just to say hi and he completely ignored me. Now my thing is this, I completely UNDERSTAND when guys just want to fuck and go. Trust me I’ve been there. However why go through all that to take me to dinner and even LIE about wanting to stay in contact after that. I never asked this guy to stay in touch. HE DID. Why do all of that if you just wanted NSA one night stand? It got me triggered and I feel like I’m already becoming jaded at such a young age. This isn’t the first time I’ve dealt with a liar. Here’s the thing though, I learn lessons through every fuck up that is done to me by other guys so I know I’ll be more vigilant and good in the long run. All of this came after I took a two month hiatus from dating apps because I wanted a break, however my male hormones kicked in and I was in need of sex.

But I just wanted to ask how to have sex and not get attached? Because when a guy really treats me good it’s hard for me to separate my emotions and draw the line. I wish I was numb to it all.

MY ANSWER

so i had to look up “trevor siggs”

oh yum…
hi trevor…
call me…

anyway…
thank you for the compliment!
always appreciated!
now let’s get into it.
so there is a saying that i love.
i’ll share it with the foxhole:

“when a wolf wants sex with a vixen,
he isn’t thinking clearly.
once he fucks her,
he is thinking clearly…”

for the foxhole (because most of us want more)…

when a fox meets a wolf,
he is thinking clearly.
meaning,
he sees him as a “potential”.
once said wolf fucks our brains completely to mush,
we aren’t thinking clearly and we fall into that “trap”.
traps are set with word bait.
it often looks good and has juicy promises.

i would love to meet someone to fuck me consistently.
someone fine af that makes me horny on first sight.
even as jamari fox,
i could actually meet a baller wolf or someone i have lusted after.
he may fuck me so damn good….
…and never speak to me again.
they may not even want to be my friend.
if he was fine,
it would lowkey hurt my feelings too.
i’m not a robot,
but that’s the reality of that situation.
so this is why

I DON’T ALLOW WOLVES TO CONTROL MY (SEXUAL) NARRATIVE ANY LONGER

you gotta go into these hook ups like “this maybe the last time i see this pineapple”.
so you get the best nut YOU can and go on.
that is how you become “numb” to it.
you kill any expectations and dive in head first.
literally and safely,
of course.

reader…
it sounds to me from your description,
you suffer from the “pretty individual” syndrome.
wolves will climb mountains too fuck you.
they will lie to you,
promise you the world,
and peace out after that nut.
from the wolf in your inquiry,
you made his dick so hard,
it could set off the metal detector.
so he…

fucked you
bought dinner
sent you on your way

he treated you like a “hoe” without the money on the nightstand.
that’s what hook ups are essentially about.
if they stick around after,
then great,
but you shouldn’t expect it.
he wasn’t from your forest so…

i wouldn’t have texted him either.
if he wants more,
he knows where to find you.
if not,
the universe blessed you with that dick you was yearning for.
he might have just been good for that one time.
so the moral of this foxmail is:

DON’T ALLOW SOMEONE TO CONTROL THE SEXUAL NARRATIVE

you control YOUR narrative.
males are full of shit when it comes to getting their nut.
sex leads to emotions.
good sex leads to your emotions “wanting more”.
don’t be jaded; be realistic.

i hope this helped!
keep me updated!

love,
jf

Author: jamari fox

the fox invited to the blogging table.

24 thoughts on “f0xmail: How Can I Be Numb To Good Dick After A Hook Up? Help!

  1. Damn ! Jamari you always on point ! How old are you?if you don’t mind me asking (you dont have to tell me )lol you seem very mature,are you a Sagittarius? I’m coming to NYC very soon and I want to have fun so I guess that’s the mind state I would have to have to enjoy niggaz in NYC
    Xx

    1. ^its all life experiences.
      i had to learn life quick on my own.
      my parents were not there in the earlier part of my twenties.
      i’ve been hurt more than a few times,
      but as of late,
      im learning how to detach me and see everyone for who they are.
      no one has your back like you do and should.

  2. I’m no expert, but he was older. He gave you the mature one night stand. Someone younger (age or mentally) would of done it the way you expected, gave you the D and nothing else.

    He was being polite by buying you lunch, and telling you to keep in touch. When he didn’t respond, that was his way of telling you NSA.

    Also, being from Canada they are very nice there. I learned about this moving from state to state, different cultures have different ways of doing things. It sucks he wined and dined you, then gave you the cold shoulder (I woulda been pissed). But the way people treat you doesn’t define WHO YOU ARE. This is something I’m trying to learn now.

  3. Had to learn this da hard way going thru my hoe phase. But Jamari is so right expectations often lead to disappointment. A friend of mine once told me “men love moments” and I find that so true anything more than some periodic fun and things usually go left. Being brutally honest dude was traveling for work and having fun out of town. It wasn’t going to be anything beyond a ONS. Sh*t I woulda been geeked he took me out to eat afterwards dat was a bonus lol, most dudes would never do dat for a hookup. Dude is 20 and got so much life ahead of him, just gotta be realistic when dealing with men cuz 95% only want a nut and dats it.

      1. Yea it hit me like a freight train but it was so on point. Hell if I was in homeboy’s shoes knowing what I know now I would be satisfied wit how it all turned out. Some of my best hookups have been when I’m out of town or wit out of towners in my city. Something about travel gives dudes the best vibes plus u know u won’t see them again so no expectations whatsoever issa win/win

  4. At 20 your young & full of emotion, all excited and shit, 30 may not have seemed all that much older to you but trust me its a lifetime of diffrence, at 30 you dnt get “wowed” by good sex and 9 times outta 10 somewhere along your 20s (usually mid to late) you’ve been so fucked up by life that naturally you become detached from your emotions, thats why its easy for that man to not get caught up, he’s been there & done that dance before, you prolly were cool company so he wanted to treat u nicely, but other then that im sure he’s not trying to inconvince his life by adding someone new to it

  5. Damn Jamari,

    I needed you about two weeks ago to give me this advice. I was dealing with this personal trainer from Crown Heights and I guess I called myself experimenting with the dom/sub culture. We were gettin super sexual with another….and then it got too controlling and violent. I told him that I didn’t wanna be controlled and having sex with him, no matter how hot he was, was a chore for me and I couldn’t do it. I felt like a slave; whenever he called, I had no choice but to come. Ultimately, it ended after it got super violent. So yeah, don’t let a pineapple control the narrative and if a wolf tells you he is dominant/aggressive, stay away.

    1. ^dann i like them dominant too.
      he was a “total wolf”?
      im sorry that it ended up so nasty tho.
      this sounds like a situation we can all learn from.
      everyone has a bit of life/love/sex advice we can benefit from hearing.

      1. Yea he was a total wolf. He was beautiful Jamari, but no one should be fearful of fuckin with someone because they take it too far. Don’t get me wrong, I was into the hitting and spitting. I was experimenting like we all do. Real life Christian Grey (in the hood) But when physical violence is the only way a wolf gets hard, that’s an issue. I lowkey miss it tho.

        To the fox that wrote the letter, you got what you came for: sex. But don’t mistake sex for anything more than that. Y’all didn’t meet on that level of wanting a relationship, so don’t expect it to morph into more than what it is. If you can’t control your feelings of wanting more than casual sex, keep to yourself and focus on your self development and well being. The wolves will always be there for you to have. You’re not missing out on anything.

  6. Dude needs to realize that he was played. Dude got what he wanted, and instead of being nonchalant about the matter; he fed ol boy, told him what he wanted to hear, and let him go believing they’d “keep in touch”.

    Some people get expectations when they have good sex, or the person they want pays them attention.
    LISTEN to what the person is saying to you! Check their actions! If they’re being attentive and/or going all out…they looking to get theirs! They will say and do whatever it takes. Once they have “conquered” what they were after, it’s a wrap. Believe you may not hear or see that person again…unless you run into them by accident (or yo ass is a stalker).

    I go into situations with no expectations. My motto is like Christina Aguilera said, “Let Me Get Mine, You Get Yours”

  7. ^Christian…100% and That’s a great song and right on the money. These lyrics especially

    We have a physical thing
    We’ll make love, but don’t fall in love
    You spend time
    Just enough so you get yours, and I get mine
    No strings attached
    I want your body, not your heart

  8. Take it from someone who’s been around the block so many times they gave it my hoe name.

    Men are about the chase. After you gave him the ass you’re conquered territory, at least that’s how I see it.

    In my early hoe days, bottoms used to hug me at the door and tell me to text them when I got home. They don’t mean that shit lmao.

    Basically if you’re fucking a dude at your first time meeting him, you can expect it to be a one time thing no matter what he says when he’s coming down from busting a nut lol

    The best way to get used to having sex with no attachments is to have a lot of it, but usually it backfires and you find that once you have sex with someone you’re interested in the infatuation is over.

  9. Situations like this is why I never have participated in hookups. Men have the habit of lying in general, so you should not have been too surprised he did not follow through with his promises. However, you met him on a hookup app, realistically you should not have expected more from him. This is hookup culture in a nutshell.

  10. Dudes get too attached and they don’t get the message. I’m in NYC, and I’m trying to fuck with as many good-looking dudes as possible, before I reach paying for sex age lol.

    That same dude probably got fucked again that next day. Bottoms can’t say no to dick.

    1. I didn’t get fucked the next day but I sure will soon enough! What you thought? I’m a sexy MF LOL! Matter fact I got dudes in my inbox as we speak! Someone has to enjoy this prize. I’ll just be more vigilant next time haha

  11. I met this guy from Atlanta, we talked for a long time before we even met in person of course when we finally met he wanted to f****** me. I might have gave him some in my younger days, when you’re young you tend to do stupid shit, sometimes not thinking, hopefully you’ll learn from your mistakes. No free fucks here now, especially on the first date.

  12. UPDATE:
    Hey y’all it’s ME (the original poster),
    The guy eventually responded to my message two days later LMAO! Don’t worry I ain’t stupid I didn’t respond. My intuition kicked in & I always go by the saying, if somebody wants you then they’ll make time for you. If a dude hasn’t messaged you all day then he doesn’t give a damn about you. Ain’t nobody that busy.
    As for Jamari, thanks for the insight. You always come through with the golden gospel. As for the rest of y’all, thanks for the responses (good and bad). I learn from every situation.
    I forgot to mention that he also told me when we hooked up that he broke up with his ex because he promised his mother that he was going to marry a woman one day so that was already a sign for me not to expect much from him. I just got lied to that’s all. But I’m good/over it

    1. As for a description of the guy, he was 6ft, clean cut and looked like a chocolate version of Jeff Loagz (sans the tattoos). So as you can imagine, I had to say yes the first time. I’ve had better okay but I just wanted to vent LOL. I took everyone’s comments on board so I’m grateful that my mail was featured because all I needed was insight from a different perspective

      Have a nice day guys,

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