Hey Jamari. Hope all is well. I figure I try this receiving advice thing out. You always have something insightful to say. Would like to get you opinion on this. So here goes:
How did I Turn into the enemy?
I’m a wolf. D.L or discreet wolf if you give me a label. In plain terms a bisexual male. After conversing with a very close friend, something unsettling came up. My friend is an openly homosexual male. Having one of our ever so often “real” conversations he called me “the enemy”, a “guys guy”. My look of confusion must have invoked a explanation. He explain to me that I am the guy that “wants my cake and eat it too”. My friend explained I say I want commitment but do not really want it, end up in different beds “looking” for it and breaks hearts while I look for someone I know is a “dream”. I knew his statement came from a honest place so I did not take offense. This is honestly a very close friend. One of the very few who know the lifestyle I live. I just laughed it off. I denied his accusation and we moved on but it caused me to really reflect.
Am I now the enemy?
I remember when I decided I was going to be honestly with myself at 21 yrs old . I was bisexual and no matter how much I denied it would not not go away. It was not just a phase. And suppressing it was making the urges stronger and me go silently insane. So I decided I owe myself the chance. I told myself that “I rather have one person of substance than many of no value” living this lifestyle change. I wanted one fox or hybrid and just enjoy it, give my best. I said I would not have pointless sex or many partners. I would be as honest with them (as I can be). Not play games. Just give it my all and would not settle. I will just concentrate on that one . I will be in search for that one.
Needless to say I have drifted from my goal. My friend’s statement made me realize something I saw but tried to deny. I’m 23 at the moment and still “in search”. I have done everything I did not want to do. I settled, body count on the raise, pointless sex, meaningless interactions, “talking” to more than one, being honest but withholding information (still lying), playing the game before I get played and now unsure if I want “that one”.
How did this happen?
How did I become the dudes that did me wrong in this process?
Am I the only one this happen to?
Is there any turning back?
YOU ARE THE ENEMY!
YOU ARE IN THE WRONG!
YOU ARE A LIAR!
YOU ARE WHATS WRONG WITH WOLVES TODAY!
… i’m totally kidding.
in life we all want to strive to be good people.
well some of us.
we want to always be our best and give our all.
well that is what YOU want.
that summabitch called LIFE…
well it has a totally different way things will happen.
it throws all kinds of shit in your way just to fuck with you.
most of the time,
things happen as a test.
you say you want something,
you said this is what you wanted at 21.
life gave you tests to see if you would follow that.
of course you failed because everyone looked like someone to conquer,
asses/pussies got fatter and tighter,
and relationships got tested with someone who looked better.
so wolfie of mine,
you are not the enemy.
you aren’t a bad person either.
well not to me anyway.
at least you are being honest unlike these passive aggressive wolf assholes out here.
you’re a human.
a human that is getting all his “fuck you stupid” out his system.
a human that at 21 has a different mind frame by 23.
the issue is if you aren’t learning from all your experiences.
you should be getting wiser,
sometimes it takes a few more lessons to get the message tho.
That’s what your 20s are for.
Your 30s are to learn the lessons
and your 40s are to pay for the drinks.”
just make sure you are putting a condom on that penis,
being completely honest with what you are looking for,
and defining your story on your terms.
you have to tell someone all your adventures,
avoiding hiv or stds,
and finally settling down.
any thoughts from the comments?
HIT MY ( x CONTACT ).
I’ll get back to you as soon as i can.