I Don’t Fit In (Never Have and Probably Never Will)

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so yesterday when i was going home,
one of the only mailroom wolves i’m actually cool with was on the elevator.
he was headed to the train as well so we decided to walk and talk.
i was telling him about everything that has been happening lately.
i was hoping he would let me know what the deal was.
so he said…

“yeah they not feeling you.
its a lot of politics and they clipued up.
its a lot of talk right now but its whatever.
its cool tho…
i don’t have a problem with you.
my advice to you is come in,
make your money,
and be the fuck out.”

i don’t really fit in anywhere.
never really have.
i have never been the “popular” one.
i just knew a lot of people,
but they weren’t worthy of going past acquaintances.
before i wanted to be cliqued up.
in being alone out here,
i wanted to feel like someone had my back.
so i stayed on my low key shit and let my movement write stories.
these days at work,
i definitely keep to myself.
the thing is never fitting in is what always makes me stand out.

even though my department is treating me like a straight up dog,
i am actually embraced by bigger powers.
i do a lot of work for other vps and assistants.
thanks to my old boss.
i recently completed a huge task for the president of the company’s assistant.
i triple checked it to make sure it was flawless.
whenever clients come in for meetings,
and we have huge clients in fashion/entertainment,
they all come over to say hello to me.
they even bring me magazines and free products.
i have been asked to come greet ( x the devil ) about three times now.
she gets warmer each time i see her.
people often speak highly of me,
what i’m wearing,
or just how efficient i am about completing tasks.
they all do this in front of her.
not purposely.
i just like to engage people and they return the favor.
the look on her face always reveals how she feels about that.

miz-girl-face-oliar liar doesn’t really get that.
she doesn’t know how to talk to people.
she knows how to talk to her clique.
no one cares about her besides them and my boss.
most of them are ratchet and act like it.
they don’t know what tumblr or pinterest is.
guess what?
i do and when they came in for a meeting,
i let them know how much i loved their websites.
how much i use them without revealing too much.
they love that.
i try to rub shoulders as much as i can when i can with the “officials”.
it even gets to the point that when i take off,
people are actually upset and want to know when i come back.
yeah.

this is the other side to my job.
this is the other side to me.
i have always aligned myself with the right people at work.
the right people always want to talk to me.
its not even bragging.
i just know how to play the game.
so these people can drag me down and ignore me if they want.

whose work ethic stands out tho?

tumblr_inline_naac56HX4o1qkkwy7my boss low key knows this,
and i’m sure,
is one of the reasons i’m still there.
she could have thrown me out a long time,
but something is still saving me.
so liar liar and her little squad can hate on me.
my boss can also listen and join in on the fun as well.
do you boo,
but guess what?
they could never be jamari fox and i think they already know this.

lowkey: one of my favorite tracks that describes the struggle of life:

all ive wanted is to belong somewhere,
but i guess that would make me lose what makes me so special.
i’ll continue to stand alone and work hard until its my time to shine.

Author: jamari fox

the fox invited to the blogging table.

11 thoughts on “I Don’t Fit In (Never Have and Probably Never Will)

  1. when you DON’T FIT IN.. you actually have an advantage because people don’t know where and how to place you…they see you as a threat because people who move alone, can rise up fast and make moves faster than those who are heavy in cliques…Cliques are usually full of supporters for their leader, you very seldom find cliques where each individual is making milestones in their careers & etc…REMEMBER this is your provision to maintain your living for now but ultimately it’s a stepping stone to get to the purpose that GOD has for you…You have the gift of gab, such as I, and the ability to network so THAT’s another reason why you stand out…Many of those idiots won’t network and won’t go further than those cubical at that job…I also NEVER FIT IN, whether it was family, friends, school (high school & college i had numerous friends) but i was always the different guy…but compared to my peers i was always the one chasing the highest dreams…many of them didn’t go to college, and if they did they just settled on anything, so i thank GOD for my differences it gives me the strength to handle the b.s that life brings and the strength to still chase after my pursuits for med school…keep looking for a job while you work there and tread carefully..lastly continue to work your ass off. I don’t care what no one says an employer isn’t letting a hard worker go for no reason…GOD has you covered…keep it pushing and that coworker who told you that is like your source behind enemy lines but also your confirmation of what you’ve been saying…that was GOD simply letting you know ‘don’t trust anyone in here’

    1. ^thanks malcolm.
      i feel like many of the foxhole could agree with my struggle.
      we often stand out because we don’t follow the crowd.
      many of us don’t have a lot of friends,
      but if we are popular,
      we stand out amongst everyone else.
      we aren’t forgettable.
      we just want to be loved and appreciated.

      im glad everything I sensed was right.
      im glad he confirmed it all.
      it’s a shame tho.

  2. You were not made to fit in J. Get your coins and soak up what ever knowledge you can gain from that job. They don’t like you because the higher ups like you and see what you have to offer. You have created a platform that they can only wish for…love you man keep your head up and stay focused!

  3. You should not really want to fit in with the rest of your co-workers, you should do you and work to separate yourself from the pack. In other words, you want to place yourself in another category above the rest. The more you fit in with everyone else, the easier others will be able to compete with you.

    1. ^you are right.

      after the first couple “hellos”,
      I gave up on trying to be nice.
      I gave go on trying to reach out.
      i don’t chase anyone,
      and I damn sure won’t chase them.
      who the fuck are they?
      it sucks that they are my age and being so corny.
      story of my life tho.
      people always want me to bend over backwards to please them,
      but when it comes to me,
      I get treated like dog shit.

  4. Keep being you and doing what’s right, and you will be rewarded in due time. You can’t get anywhere if you look just like the one standing beside you.

  5. Yes, I love your attitude and tone in all of this office drama. Boy of boy, why people can’t just be happy for you. Your clearly the breadwinner of that joint and obviously you shine among them and I personally congratulate you Jamari. I knew you could confide in that mailroom wolf. He analyzed everything from outside the glass window. Do not kiss any of their rats ass!

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