8 thoughts on “DEAR JOURNAL (722)

  1. Philippians 4:6-7 do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

  2. Jamari,

    I’m sorry that you are still mourning the loss of Star Fox. Very rarely are we blessed with people who completely get who we are, let alone one person. He may not be with you physically, but that doesn’t mean that his presence has left your spirit. He left an amazing impact on who you are – everyone cal tell based on the stories you gave us. Continue to do right by him by finding the peace within yourself to be strong.

    You aren’t ‘failing a test’ – it’s horrible, but God called these important people home because it was their time. You are still here and though you’ve been through hell, you’re still surviving. IT takes one hell of a man so go through the things you’ve gone through. Never lose sight of that. I believe that Star Fox is with you in spirit, as well as your parents.

    Thanks for providing us (your readers) with such raw honesty. You have no idea how much this impacts us.

  3. thank you both.
    i really needed to vent especially when these moments happen.
    i never thought i would lose him.
    i kinda thought we would die together as old foxes lol
    even typing that just made me cry.
    i have kinda cut everyone off in my real life and giving this site my undivided attention these days.
    its all i got at this point.

    1. it is one of the hardest things to lose someone who knows you.
      he knew me.
      sure my parents knew me to an extent,
      but this guy knew me like the back of his hand.
      he was also in the lifestyle just like me.
      so when you lose that rock….
      it makes you feel like you are in complete darkness.

  4. sometimes i thought i was doing too much writing about it,
    mentioning his name so much,
    writing about him,
    but this is the only place i get to release my inner feelings 200% where someone is actually listening to me.

    1. You’ve built not only an audience, but something like a family here. I believe that family keeps things in-house, so whenever you need to vent, you can come here to us. I lost my best friend a few years back (Sophomore year of college) and it’s something I never saw coming. I know how it feels to have no one to confide in or truly express yourself.

      Something that got me through those dark days was dedicating time at the end of the day to release my feelings. I cried a lot, sometimes out of anger, out of sadness, but a few times I cried out of happiness.

      I cried our of anger because outside of my boyfriend at the time, my friend has been my confidant. When I pledged, he was there for me more than my actual boyfriend. We grew up together. I missed him.

      I cried out of sadness because we had planned our future as friends together. What friends don’t? I remember wanting to abandon my goals because I made them with my best friend and he was no longer around. It would have felt bad.

      But then, I felt happy. Not because of the fact that he was gone – because he’s still within me. I was lucky – we had videos together from our younger days, a few photos on facebook, I have the memories. When he passed, I made a book that only a few people have seen with photos of us. I refuse to let those memories go because they bring me happiness that I can’t explain to other people who never met him. You will never forget the impact and the joy that he brought to your life.

      Lastly, don’t shut yourself away from the world – you’re dimming your light. Allow yourself to be a beacon for those who are still finding your way. I think that this is an opportunity for you to be a guide/source of encouragement to someone in the way that Star Fox was to you. This lifestyle can get lonely, but Star Fox wouldn’t want to be in darkness or feel alone.

  5. Jamari, you are not failing. Yes, many of us know what that pain feels like when you lose someone, I definitely do. Do not look at it as if you are failing god’s test. From the moment we are born our lives are already what they are gonna be. God is still with you man, and he does have blessings in your future. One day you are going to look back and see what you made it through.

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