Daddy Please Claim My Body

d124089a75dba8a694ad5de2b17eb75ethis is a really heartbreaking story.
i had to post it because it shows another side of this life.
so all of the orlando victims from the pulse massacre have been buried.
well one father refused to claim his cub after learning he was gay.
this is the story via the advocate

For a short while, it looked like society had advanced far enough that it had left behind a terrible symptom of homophobia, one that’s been seen after the infamous Upstairs Fire and the AIDS crisis that killed so many LGBT people.

Bodies for 48 of the 49 victims were claimed by family. Then, an article posted by Orlando Latino revealed there had been one outstanding case, and that the father of a gay man who died in the Orlando shooting rejected his son’s body.

The Florida news outlet did not release their names, as it did not want “to further victimize the deceased.” But it did identify the victim as Puerto Rican.

“The tale is part of the untold stories of the Latino victims of the Pulse nightclub massacre,” wrote Orlando Latino.

Fortunately, the Orange County Medical Examiner and Florida Emergency Mortuary Operations Response System were able to convince other family members living in Orlando to claim the body and arrange a funeral. And thankfully, there have been no other reports of similar rejections. All bodies were released to a funeral home by June 16.

The case echoes a reality that was widely seen during the height of the AIDS crisis, in which countless numbers of young gay men died and family members did not claim the bodies of their so-called loved ones. This story was recently retold in Out magazine, in which caretaker Ruth Coker Burks revealed in an interview how she tended to and then buried hundreds of AIDS victims that their relatives feared to touch.

Some 32 people died in 1973 in an arson attack on the Upstairs Lounge, a gay bar in New Orleans. Filmmaker Robert L. Camina revisited the tragedy and was astounded that many of the victims’ bodies were never claimed

“I think a lingering issue that is rarely talked about is the mystery surrounding the unknown victims,” Camina told The Advocate in a feature on the tragedy. “These men went missing and no one claimed them? I can’t wrap my head around it. It’s unfathomable. I grieve for the unidentified victims of the fire. I don’t believe they have found peace yet. I am shocked and sickened that the families never claimed them and that their bodies were dumped into a pauper’s grave.”

Then, as now, stigma is the culprit. Orlando Latino points to systemic homophobia in Puerto Rico as a factor that may have led to the unfortunate case of the Pulse victim, including the island’s social conservatism and its prolonged judicial fight against marriage equality after the U.S. Supreme Court’s decision last June.

“The pain of being Puerto Rican and gay is real,” the outlet wrote. “In the island’s macho culture (relative to the states), anti-gay bias is not subtle and has reached the highest levels of government.”

Regardless of its roots, homophobia can cause a massacre, as Pulse reminded us. But it can also destroy a family.

6a00d83451b8c369e20134850b3160970c-600withat is so sad.
no parents ever wants to bury their cubs.
well unless he/she turns out gay.
they will just leave your ass to rot on a metal slab in a random morgue.

How disturbing is that?

the reality is that many of us are closeted to our parents.
i lost mine,
but i really doubt i would have ever come out to them.
the real truth is they would have disowned me.
i get many emails from foxholers who can never come out because of that.
you may not understand it,
as your parents didn’t react when you came out to them,
but others will face a different and negative backlash.
some may even go as far as killing their cub.
yeah.
it can get pretty real.
it doesn’t even matter how progressive the world is becoming.
this is why i’m against purposely outing anyone in any way.
i don’t care if “it’s obvious”.
sometimes parents “know”,
but don’t want the confirm and would rather live in denial.
again: not your/my life.
also again: everyone struggle is different.

now this may sound ignorant of me,
but i didn’t think the latin community was that homophobic.
i always assumed they were more “understanding” than the black community.
one mo again: forgive my ignorance.

tumblr_n5dt1b0aih1sar3weo1_500i guess this why many spanish wolves play the “macho” role.
i also see why they do a lot of “dl” activity as well.
we are all the same in this life.
different colors of fur.
either way,

this whole story was an eye opener for me.
i’m glad that deceased cub got a proper burial.
it’s a shame his parents didn’t attend.
may he rip.

lowkey: imagine all the dl/discreet animals in that club…
ones whose parents literally found out after they died.
sad.

article taken: the advocate

Author: jamari fox

the fox invited to the blogging table.

20 thoughts on “Daddy Please Claim My Body

  1. Makes me really sad reading this, how could you have so much hate towards your own child for the way they live their own life, especially the way that he was killed.

  2. I’m guessing the relationship was probably already severed before his death.

    Sorry, but based on what I’ve seen, its best to try your hardest to stay on good terms with fam even if they don’t support your sexuality. God forbid you become homeless, ill, etc. family is more likely to be there for you than your gay friends.

    I saw it with my uncle. Very good looking in his prime. Wanted to be gay and free and felt like his Christian family was “oppressing” him. That very same Christian family were the ones taking care of him day in and day out when he dying of full blown AIDS. Not his gay friends or the many, many men he was fucking.

    HATE is a strong word and I don’t believe just because someone doesn’t agree with homosexuality it means they hate the person. Not that black and white to me.

    Shit, I know for a fact my parents are the only ones I can depend on so whatever I need to do to maintain that relationship is what I have to do period.

    Glad someone buried him but I’m sure both father and son wanted things to be different.

  3. That’s sad but personally I don’t think the Black or Latino community is any more homophobic than the White community.I think religious people are more homophobic than non religious people.

    I am really sick of people acting like white men aren’t on the DL.Governor McGreevey was on the DL just like Yusef Mack was on the DL.They were both in relationships with women while secretly having sexual encounters with men.Yet only the black man is demonized.Governor McGreevey told Oprah he used to have sex with men he met at rest stops.Yet nobody says he was on the DL. Anybody who has read ads on Craigslist can see countless white married men looking to hook up with men.Those men are on the DL.All the married white men on Grindr,Adam4Adam,etc are on the DL.

    This myth that only black men or latino men are on the DL needs to end.Along with the myth that DL men are responsible for high HIV rates in Black Women.I am pretty sure that Black DL and White DL men are having sex with white woman so why is their HIV rate so low? Obviously there are other factors.

    We must stop perpetuating this myth.If the Pulse shooting had occurred on Wednesday night rather than Saturday night most of the people killed would have been white.I am pretty sure many of those people would not have been “out ” to their family as well.Also there is a good chance that one of their parents would not have claimed their child’s body.

    If the white community was so accepting there wouldn’t be millions of white folks in the closet.If they were so accepting than there wouldn’t be so many anti Gay national organizations created by White folks like Focus on the Family ,Million Moms,etc.So what community is more homophobic?

    1. I do think it’s a BIT easier for white people to come out because of social dynamics, but more for the same reasons white people don’t get stopped as much for smoking weed or sentenced as harshly for comitting the same crimes as black men. They have the “white privilege” as their benefit of the doubt, this world is designed to cater to white people so on the surface, it seems easier, but as you touched on, everyone’s individual lives are different. I’m not “out” to my parents but I’m sure if I came out to my family, it would be fine. My family probably wouldnt be too surprised anyway and my family is pretty liberal and secular. I know many white people that don’t have that same privilege.

      I say all that to say, I agree, I don’t think any one particular group of people collectively accept LGBT, even if they claim they do, it’s all lies, however there are several religious cultures that will kill you for being gay on the other side of the planet, as part of the CULTURE! So I mean, over here, whether you’re white, black, Puerto Rican, being gay is generally being perceived a certain way by most groups whether they claim they support it or not. The struggle is real regardless of one’s background, but to say in a first world country that one group is more homophobic than the other is a bit narrow sighted to me. It’s bad all around, and the reception from your family is unique to the views and values of your family, race has less to do with it (but it certainly plays a part sometimes); some family’s are more severe than others reglardless of race, but the thing that unifies the more extremist views is usually religion.

      1. ^Let them tell it Diggy, white privilege doesn’t exist. But when they’re catered to for so long, they fail to see what everyone else does.

    2. @ Ms. Y, go on and tell the whole truth! Look at that boy who was killed with Nicole Simpson, he white and gay and estranged from his father because of that! I’m sure the stories are endless! Time to put the lies to rest!

  4. Homophobia is real in EVERY community I’ve noticed this from conversing with different friends, male and female, in my community..Even in the white community contrary to popular belief many are closeted, some because they’re simply discreet men however their close friends/family know. Then on the other end of the spectrum you have men who are 1000% in closet NO one knows about their sexuality…I’m transparent and honestly i just couldnt live my life that way. I got the point where i was like even if no one accepts me I will live. my own happiness meant more than the validation of the world. I’ve loss some friends/etc but I’ve gained a peace of mind when i officially admitted to my family. I wouldnt say that my family is happy about it, in fact I know they dont like it. but when i heaf that because of being ashamed by others a family doesnt claim the body of a deceased loved one i see it as a cowardice. someone who disowns a relative simply because their lifestyle and the risk of ’embarrassment is a coward’. Like my brother says “Regardless we’re family and we’re all we got’…i just think that it’s a sad day when people judge your whole life simply because of what your sexual attraction is…be safe everyone

    1. Exactly, it really doesn’t matter what the relationship was before they died, whether they knew they were gay/bi or not or just had a tumultuous relationship. It’s still your child’s body at the end of the day. I guess some people just want things on their terms only. You won’t even bury your own child? Speaks volumes.

      Who needs parents like that? Damn.

      1. What goes around, comes around. He will have to answer for that.
        I thought being a parent means that you’re supposed to love your child UNCONDITIONALLY.
        Too many of the wrong people are having kids, if you have to put conditions on your child in order to love them. This is my thing…are the people you’re worried about finding out your child is gay paying your bills?! No. Are they putting a roof over your head? No.
        So who gives a damn what they think?

      2. Sadly, I don’t think humans are capable of unconditional love. The unconditional love that they claim they have is always conditional in some way or another. For some, it’s pretty damn close to unconditional, but no cigar.

        That being said, everybody has their terms in what they want from their kids. For some, those terms is the happiness and health of the child, for others and many, those terms are reserved for themselves. (pleasing others, keeping up with the Jones’

        Family is important, but at the end of the day, they are people, and are subject to the same flaws as everyone else. We just read a story about a woman shooting her kids to get back at her husband (in theory), I mean, we gotta watch our own backs and know who to trust! Sometimes, it just isn’t your family! That’s the scary part in the case of some people!

  5. Heartbreaking to think you finding out your son is gay stopped you from the pain and grief of him losing his life. Ugh

  6. I’m a fan of the blog. sometimes, I feel as though your posts are ones I would’ve have written myself. You are interesting, on the ball, and it seems you don’t miss a beat. You have a great deal of talent and creativity. As a man of Puerto Rican heritage, however, I find it a little disturbing when you label men of Hispanic heritage “Spanish wolves.” it’s estimated that 46% of Puerto Ricans have significant African Ancestry (and according to National Geographic the average PR individual has 27% African DNA, even though my DNA results show I am 40% sub Saharan African). However, we are not taught this is school and White Supremacy has aimed to divide “Blacks” in the 50 States and blacks who speak Spanish, and cause discordance. During the period America invented the “one drop rule,” which dictated that any person with one drop of African blood was a “Negro,” Puerto Rico did the opposite and made a law stating that if a PR native had a white ancestor dating back four generations, they could be classified as white regardless of their bountiful African/Taino ancersty. And unless you are from Spain, one is not Spanish. Just the same way an American who speaks English isn’t “English” (from England). So, since PR is heavily rooted in Afican culture and assimilates to African culture more so than African Americans are rooted in African culture (food, religion, music, etc.) unfortunately, the stigma related to homosexuality is abundant in Puerto Rican culture, Cuban culture, Dominican Culture, Brazilian Culture, Columbian Culture and any where else throughout Latin America, considering that during the Transatlantic slave trade more African slaves were transported to those regions (Colonized by the Spanish/Portuguese) than to the US. (Brazilians aren’t called Portugese because they speak Portugese.) As someone whose been disowned by his PR father, who acts no different than the strict, traditional African fathers I know, I can relate to this sad story.

    1. I thought I was the only one who cringed when folks use “Spanish” to describe a hispanic person.. It just sounds so ignorant, careless and lazy. I notice people do it the most in New York as well. Spanish is a denonym for people from SPAIN.

      1. If a PR person went overseas and called themselves “Spanish”, folks would laugh in their faces. So clearly it’s an American thing

      2. It happens here too. My family does it too, and it bothers me. I’ve corrected them several times and they still keep saying it.

  7. I know that will play with his conscious till he dies. Let’s see if he ever has a decent night of sleep.

    And other cultures are just as homophobic (if more) than black people. There are muslim countries worldwide that execute gay men. My family is a melting pot and I have relatives who live in Africa (I won’t say what country but it’s not SA) so I’ve been there and witnessed out gay men. In fact my mom’s best friend’s little brother is out and gay. Everyone in the neighborhood knows but they go about their business. He obviously is the butt to all their private jokes (no pun) but what I mean to say is that he wasn’t persecuted by the law force for being gay.

    Other cultures have it worse too. It’s just that the media like to demonize the black community for homophobia as if every other culture is kumbaya.

    1. It’s not just the media it’s black people perpetuating that lie that we are more homophobic and the lie that Black men are the only ones on the DL.That’s why whenever I hear about a white married men getting caught with another man.I make a point of saying he was on the DL.If Black men are going to be labeled DL than I am going to use the same term for White,Hispanic,Asian,etc man.

  8. Here’s the deal, when it comes down to homophobia, it is something that is taught mainly through the sounds of “man-washed religion”. When it comes down to black people and even Latinos and homophobia , we almost do ourselves a disservice by not realizing that the intolerance we manifest for each other has been brainwashed into our heads by other caucasoid cultures who saw us as nothing more than animals. We of all people should be WOKE to the injustice and hypocritical wickedness that modern religion has created, yet we take to the extreme (shaming, beating our kids, killing ect ). This is mainly why it appears that our cultures are more homophobic.

    But change is coming. Gradually old ideals are starting to fade away with the elderly/middle aged folks and the young Gen are creating new ones. The world is moving faster than ever and man-washed religions cannot keep up.

  9. Sad story. I had a cousin who was gay who died of AIDS in the early 1990s. He grew up down South and left to go to NYC, where he met a white man who was his lover for years. His lover died before him and he had to return to South Carolina where relatives cared for him since his parents had already died. During the funeral service some of my. cousins begged the preacher not to mention he was gay or died of AIDS but I’m proud our family minister said it anyway. Because this cousin was not ashamed. He would (and could) kick your ass if you made fun of him. I pray the man who died in Orlando is in Heaven now and that one day his family recognizes the horrible thing they did and makes amends in some way.

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