you wanna know who taught me how to keep secrets?

Star Fox’s parentals but mainly his father.

he was the first person who taught me to move in silence in a room full of jackals.
not only that,
he taught me that he couldn’t keep my secrets either.
i learned to be grateful for making me the stealthy fox i am today.

when star fox first saw me,
he always said that i was going to be his friend.
not only that,
we came out to each other.
one day,
being young and gay af,
we went to old navy and bought matching shirts and the bag that came with it.
i know but we were best friends.
he didn’t care how gay it looked and honestly,
i didn’t either.
we found a way to finally be comfortable in our skin with each other.
i’ll never forget when his father saw it…

many of us,
whether we like or not,
will be like the ones who raised us as we grow up.
i shudder the thought.
so yes reader,
as you get older,
you are becoming like your mother/father/grandmother/whoever.
some of you are shuddering at the thought.
i am working on breaking that generational curse in my own life.
so i’m going to font you something that i want you to read carefully.
ready?…

Whether you are a total wolf,
total fox,
or a total hybrid.
Whether you don’t want your penis touched or you do.
Whether you never want to suck or to be sucked…

I’m letting you know that I,
Jamari Fox,
supports you in WHATEVER you choose to do.

here is the thing…

Continue reading “reminder: you are becoming like your mother and its a real downer :-(“ →

on the morning of my birthday,
i didn’t want to be bothered.
it was an entirely “reflective” morning so i didn’t look at my phone.
my father blew up my phone back to back.
when we finally spoke,
he said:

“Oh,
you didn’t answer so I figured you were done with me.”

huh?
it really had me tilted,
but i realized that i do that same shit to others too.
my therapist called me TF out today and told me i’m sorta like my father.

i’m currently bald with an empty tummy because i threw up.
after today’s session…

Continue reading “oh hi! jamari fox is as self-absorbed like his father (let me find the roof to jump off of)” →

i pray that i’ve never provided anyone with any trauma out here.
we don’t realize the things we do can really fuck someone up.
they can carry that trauma with them for years,
crippling them from being the best versions of themselves.
yesterday,
on my birthday,
my daddy called me and we had a transparent conversation.
i wanted to hear his side of the story and i’ll be honest with you…

Continue reading “i wonder if i woulda been straight like my daddy?” →

my reality is different from some of my family members it seems.
i’m starting to realize that.
even though i love my grandmother,
it is no secret that she was abusive to us.
i think many caribbean people faced a shit ton of abuse.
the last conversation i had with my father made me realize something…

Continue reading “being raised in barbados wasn’t all sunshine and palm trees” →

i wanted to give my father all the smoke yesterday.
i wasn’t done with him.
he got an earful when we violated,
but i chose chaos when i woke up the next day.
no one gets to hurt my feelings and thinks thats okay.
nah homie.
i wanted to bring all the smoke to his yard.
yesterday,
i got fully caffeinated with an ice coffee with a shot of espresso.
it would be the battery for his destruction.
my spirit told me to call connie from the messages first tho…

Continue reading “conversations with a (middle) woman named connie” →