reminder: you are becoming like your mother and its a real downer :-(

many of us,
whether we like or not,
will be like the ones who raised us as we grow up.
i shudder the thought.
so yes reader,
as you get older,
you are becoming like your mother/father/grandmother/whoever.
some of you are shuddering at the thought.
i am working on breaking that generational curse in my own life.
so i’m going to font you something that i want you to read carefully.

Whether you are a total wolf,
total fox,
or a total hybrid.
Whether you don’t want your penis touched or you do.
Whether you never want to suck or to be sucked…

I’m letting you know that I,
Jamari Fox,
supports you in WHATEVER you choose to do.

here is the thing

Continue reading “reminder: you are becoming like your mother and its a real downer :-(“

oh hi! jamari fox is as self-absorbed like his father (let me find the roof to jump off of)

on the morning of my birthday,
i didn’t want to be bothered.
it was an entirely “reflective” morning so i didn’t look at my phone.
my father blew up my phone back to back.
when we finally spoke,
he said:

you didn’t answer so I figured you were done with me.”

it really had me tilted,
but i realized that i do that same shit to others too.
my therapist called me TF out today and told me i’m sorta like my father.

i’m currently bald with an empty tummy because i threw up.
after today’s session…

Continue reading “oh hi! jamari fox is as self-absorbed like his father (let me find the roof to jump off of)”

i wonder if i woulda been straight like my daddy?

i pray that i’ve never provided anyone with any trauma out here.
we don’t realize the things we do can really fuck someone up.
they can carry that trauma with them for years,
crippling them from being the best versions of themselves.
on my birthday,

my daddy called me and we had a transparent conversation.
i wanted to hear his side of the story and i’ll be honest with you…

Continue reading “i wonder if i woulda been straight like my daddy?”

being raised in barbados wasn’t all sunshine and palm trees

my reality is different from some of my family members it seems.
i’m starting to realize that.
even though i love my grandmother,
it is no secret that she was abusive to us.
i think many caribbean people faced a shit ton of abuse.
the last conversation i had with my father made me realize something

Continue reading “being raised in barbados wasn’t all sunshine and palm trees”

conversations with a (middle) woman named connie

i wanted to give my father all the smoke yesterday.
i wasn’t done with him.
he got an earful when we violated,
but i chose chaos when i woke up the next day.
no one gets to hurt my feelings and thinks thats okay.
nah homie.
i wanted to bring all the smoke to his yard.
i got fully caffeinated with an ice coffee with a shot of espresso.
it would be the battery for his destruction.
my spirit told me to call connie from the messages first tho…

Continue reading “conversations with a (middle) woman named connie”

my father violated me tonight.

we all weren’t blessed in life to pick our parents.
if so,
i would have picked a father who isn’t a liar and coward.
caribbean fathers have a tendency to be the worst.
my father and i have had a very distant relationship over the years,
even when i was a kid in barbados.
it was all due to the issues between my grandmother and him.
he was only used to buy me school uniforms and haircuts.
i’ll never forget going out with him as a kid and one of his friends saying how “soft” i looked.
deep down inside,
my father knew that i would be gay but didn’t want to admit it at the time.
when we had an honest conversation a few years ago,
i revealed my sexuality to him and he claimed he already knew.
he let me know that i was his son and that he would accept me.
things took a different turn during a phone call we had…

Continue reading “my father violated me tonight.”