on the morning of my birthday,
i didn’t want to be bothered.
it was an entirely “reflective” morning so i didn’t look at my phone.
my father blew up my phone back to back.
when we finally spoke,
you didn’t answer so I figured you were done with me.”
it really had me tilted,
but i realized that i do that same shit to others too.
my therapist called me TF out today and told me i’m sorta like my father.
i’m currently bald with an empty tummy because i threw up.
after today’s session…
I can be self-absorbed af like my father
my father has always made issues about him.
we have suffered the same if we are just being honest.
the fact he is in his 70s and still holding onto baggage makes me sad for him.
i don’t think there are any therapists in barbados either.
all he has are his wolf pack and random vaginas that he vents too.
he has been making me vex ranting about what my mother and grandmother did to him,
but he as yet to ask me how i felt when it was all going down.
“You were just a kid.” he said.
as a kid i was a robot or something?
one of my very best friends would call me out about my self-absorption constantly.
i’d talk about what someone did to me and she’d say:
this is not about you.
This is all about them.”
my therapist told me today that i need to change the story i tell myself.
the story i have told myself in my head has been wrong about certain people and situations.
Some people are genuinely going through their own shit,
or comfortable in their own trauma,
and don’t even realize they have hurt you.
i’m going to work on that because i do not want to be like my father.
i want to be better than him.
lowkey: i’ve noticed a lot of people are self-absorbed too.
how did we get this way?