i was playing video games and a wave of sadness washed over me.
a dude i’ve been interested in has been on my mind,
along with many questions i have about him,
but that helped pulled me under the current of distress ive been feeling.
the holidays are usually really tough for me.
it tends to enhance just how alone i am in this world.
when i asked my sister to live with me,
i thought that would help make me feel that sense of family.
the pandemic during this holiday season really made me feel the loneliness really hard…

Continue reading “fuck this 2020 holiday season (that’s the loneliness talking)” →

it’s no surprise just how fucked up people are.
there are jackals in our lives who would leave us to die.
it’s just the reality of life.
steven mark brashear,
who was 66,
didn’t realize his 21-year-old boy toy would be one of those jackals.
imagine being left for dead and being eaten by mountain lions for a hook up on grindr…

Continue reading “imagine being eaten up to death so your manz could hook up with someone on grindr?” →

i was all set to head down to brooklyn for thanksgiving.
my home-vixen i use to work with,
one that i haven’t seen in a hot minute,
was throwing a small get-together at her crib.
the issue i was having was how i was getting down there.
she promised me a ride,
but in case that fell through,
i was gonna hop in an uber.

I wasn’t doing MTA at all

we have been watching the rona news carefully.
new yawk has been starting to spike something stupid.
cuomo was talking about gatherings only having 10 people.
well,
she sent me this today…

Continue reading “how to lose friends and alienate people for thanksgiving” →

i’ve learned that if you just detach and move on,
you’ll find your answers eventually.
yesterday,
i had a dream that i had a convo with a friend i fell out with recently.
we haven’t spoken since summer.
i told them in the dream how much they hurt me by what they did.
i woke up and went about my day.
foxhole,
why that night…

Continue reading “when the people you fall out with match your new energy” →

i’m not perfect.
if you’ve been following me on the foxhole,
you know that i go through many different emotions.
i can experience many different mood swings,
no pop smoke tho.
some can say that’s the cancer zodiac in me.
we are a very emotional tribe.
it can be my fault as well.
when i write certain personal and transparent entries,
i don’t expect a big turn out.
entries like that are for me to vent so i can get it out.

YESTERDAY THOOOOO…

listen.
i do want to font something about the foxhole tho…

Continue reading “swinging low off these emotions and mood swings” →

i learned something today.
at my last job,
i thought i had found life long friends there.
this was the first job i felt connected to so many folks.
black folks.
creative black folks.
after i was let go,
many promised to still be there but as the months went on,
i noticed that started to change.
folks that once would hit me up every day suddenly stopped.
it made me question what happened?
did i do something wrong?
today,
a co-worker/friend hit me up to check in on me.
i disabled my personal social media and i noticed that no one,
besides my current circle,
checked in on me until now.
i asked her if i did something wrong to incite such distance.
she said…

Continue reading “am i forgettable?” →