my anxiety is back in full force again.
i’m not sleeping through the whole night.
i’m waking up to throw up at like 4 or 5 am.
during another night of stomach issues,
i woke up with something on my mind.
it’s been on my mind for a while now.
after my hiv scare years ago,
i haven’t felt as comfortable to have random sex.
scrolling through dating and sex apps don’t excite me as they once did.
i don’t have many male gay friends to go out with.
i thought i met a poi i was 100% attracted to,
but he might be entertaining a vixen these days.
 i had to wonder...

Continue reading “dating? in 2020? for jamari fox? what is that you speak?” →

fomo.
have you ever felt this emotion?
its an acronym for:

FEAR OF MISSING OUT

in many of our lives,
we have felt we were missing out heavy on life,
events,
or even someone you really wanted.
it has the ability to make you feel like a loser amongst your peers.
usually,
it’s when we are at our loneliest.

Everyone looks shiny and new
Everyone is doing exciting shit
Everyone is looks shiny, new, and doing exciting shit without ME

is that really the case thoooooo?…

Continue reading “fomo” →

ya know,
i woke up this morning pretty low energy.
i was having anxiety attacks and throwing up.
i was starting to get really bothered by instagram disabling my account.
it wasn’t fair!
wasn’t fair,
i font!
i decided to rey and turn my mood around.
i took a shower and ate a good breakfast so i could be present for podcasting.
i brought my favorite pyrite crystal with me to my table.
in the middle of podcasting,
i got this email from ig…

Continue reading “(dear jamari fox) instagram has a message for me today” →

if it ain’t one thing…?
one of my favorite things to do is (was?) update my ig stories.
i loved speaking to the foxhole in dms and having intimate conversations.
i woke up today,
posted my usual,
but when i went back to post an IG story…

Continue reading “the ig foxhole is gone (?)” →

the emotionals have been on 1000.
there is pressure in my chest.
i’ve been crying off and on.
every time i sit still,
i start dwelling on things and people i know/like/maybe love(?).
i’ve had no energy to write anything tbh.
the thought of sleeping all day has been the move.
shitttttttttttttt,
i slept off and on during election day.
wtf is happening to me?
oh,
i know…

Continue reading “waving to the foxhole from emotional hell (hope all is well!)” →

“OMG MY GAY BESTIE IS SINGLE!
LET ME HOOK HIM UP WITH YOUR GAY BESTIE!”

that gets my entire goat.
hell,
that gets the entire farm.
i hate that shit and it seems like it’s done to gay males by the straights often.
i remember years ago,
one of my home-vixens tried to hook me up with black vixen cosplaying,
practically a vixen himself,
white fox.

a fox.
i’m like at what point did i ask for this?
it’s like someone knows someone who is gay and assumes,
since they are both single,
they are both compatible.
i’m always hooked up with others i’m left scratching my head about.
again,
that happened to me this week…

Continue reading “i’m bird box to the blind date bullshit” →