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Hey Jamari,
Love the site man! Been coming here more often for the past year or so and I can tell you that the more that I come here the more addicted I get to the site. lol!
But to the point in why I am writing you this email, I wanted to know if you have ever done an article about “being led-on” by someone who showed interest in you first and you resisted knowing that it would lead to a road of nothing. But then the tables turn and you end up the one chasing back and they switch and claim that you are “crazy” “obsessed” “clingy” or even “thirsty” smh.
I can admit it got to the point into where I would literally check all of his social media sites (FB, Twitter, IG) to make sure that when he said he was “busy” that he wasnt lying to me when he wouldn’t answer my text or to see that he wasn’t with someone else.
He used to come to me with all of his problems about things that happened at work and how I made him feel like he could just be himself with me and that made me feel so special knowing that I made him feel that way. We would talk damn near everyday for hours and hours, getting to know each other and shared some very personal things about our lives and had nicknames for each other and claimed that if we lived closer that we would be together.
As embarrassing as it sounds, I literally did end up going crazy over this guy because he swept me off my feet with the “pillow talk” and sweet things and words he would do and say for me and made me feel like no other. He made me feel like I was the only “guy” in the world but come to find out, he makes all of his “bait” feel that way.
I just feel so dumb and stupid to the fact that I let myself fall into the trap of what I thought to be love only to find out that he was really running game on me. smh.
I have had guys trying to talk to me and some even claim that they like me or have crushes on me but for some reason being “chased and rejected” by this guy has me all fucked up and I really don’t feel like getting to know anyone at all. *sighs*
Thanks
MY ANSWER…
well thank ya thank ya!
i really appreciate the love and support.
kanye said it best,
“no one man should have all that power”.
of course he was talking about his egotism,
but power is a powerful thing in the dating world.
it’s also used quite frequently.
vixens use their pussy as a form of power.
between two men tho,
it can be a form of control.
it comes in many ways,
but someone usually either falls from grace or rules together.
you always want the latter.
so you met someone,
it started out with you on top with all the power.
you already had in your mind that it would go nowhere.
you thought it would be “whatever” so you invested #nofucks into it.
you just went along with it in hopes he proved himself.
that’s the problem:
he proved himself.
anyone who wants to change someone’s mind about them lays on the charm.
(lowkey: we did it with our parents when we wanted something.
they had the money or whatever we wanted,
but we learned to use charm to get the power.
when we figure out how our parents operate,
we know what weapons to use to get our way.)
so it goes from being someone you barely speak to,
to someone who now hits you up everyday.
the conversations go from basic to bountiful.
you start to learn his strengths and weaknesses.
he likes eggs for breakfast,
he hates r&b,
and his favorite memory was him losing his virginity to his science teacher.
you learn about how his ex hurt him,
how he is scared to get hurt again,
and why he is taking it slow to find someone.
wow.
he isn’t as bad as you thought he was.
this definitely could have potential.
funny that wall you had up starts to lower.
brick by brick.
suddenly there is no wall anymore.
it’s just you.
how the tables turn?
now you are booty butt naked emotionally wide open on the playing field.
you telling him your whole life story now that he infected that ass.
he realized somewhere along the line that you weren’t what he thought.
he liked the attention you gave him,
the fact you were open to him,
but maybe you aren’t the one he thought you were.
checkmate.
the problem ultimately is the power shifted.
some people actually get off to the chase.
if it was that easy to get you open,
then it’s probably easier to hit it ‘n’ quit it as well.
let this be a lesson.
don’t beat yourself up or become bitter.
only idiots do that.
everything that happens in your life is a lesson.
one that you can apply to the next situation.
next time you meet someone,
be open until you see they aren’t your type.
be as open as they are.
that way the power is balanced between you both.
that is how you both rule.
if they hit you up,
you talk.
make it some good talk too.
they don’t?
bye negro.
learn something about ya’ll asses when you do talk.
what do you have in common?
what do you hate?
what makes you mad?
share war stories about your exes.
share the good times as well.
hope that helped and please keep your chin up.
it happens to the best of us.
comments?
“I didn’t hear from his ass for a whole week after texting him. I was like what did I do, am I being dumped this fast, really wtf is going on. Well lo and behold he text me out of the blue like he had just talked to me. This is the mistake I made, I eagerly answered right back, the usual me would have not even bothered, but this dude got my nose wide open. I was happy as shit he got back in touch with me”
Are we talking about the same dude because this same shit that used to happen to me. I been knowing him for about a year and a half and it wasnt until the end of our “friendship” that I started to realize what he was doing. But i still kept chasing. smh.
He would text me being like “I know you missed me all day” and I would be like “Nigga whateva lol” trying not to sound like I was too into him b/c why would I be thinking about a “friend” as he would call us all day if there is no commitment.
Looking back, I think he though of me as a friend, but realized that he had a “crush” on me and kept talking to me but when he realized that I wanted to take it further than that’s when he dipped.
Almost like he got cold feet.
As of now, I do wish him well but really have no desire to talk to him because its like talking to a brick wall.
@LB4 we goin thru the exact same thing, we need to talk lbvs
I think I have come to accept that he is not the one for me and that I still got time. I’m 19 and he is 26.
Im just taking it day by day and moving on.
Thanks Jamari and Everyone for their feedback!
*sighs* This situation has me lost for words, and for some reason I always go back to him hoping and wishing that things will look up and if I say the right things then maybe he will change his mind.
I can admit that throughout this past 2 years almost that I have been somewhat jealous, and possessive over this nigga, but I have asked him many times where do we stand and he always says that “we are more than friends” and that if we were closer in distance that he would make me his main nigga. He says that I help him relax and feels comfortable me talking about anything.]
We tried to be just friends, but he always has to bring up something about how “phat” my ass is compared to other niggas he fucks with and how he wanna bang me out all night. Yeah it was cute at first and I played along with it but it’s almost like that is all he wants from me. Just a good nutt and a nigga to kick it with that has good convo. But I wanted something more like something towards building a future together. Tired of dead end relationships.
I’m usually a strong nigga, and have my emotions together but this one nigga got me all the way fucked up and its so draining to me to have to think that after all the shit we done been thru in the past damn near 2 years, with us on the phone telling each other that we love each other, and that we would make love, and always be here for each other that everything is falling apart. I hate feeling so weak over a nigga and it’s really taking a toll on my self-esteem and self-confidence.
It’s like no matter if you got 50 other niggas chasin after you, you still want the one that doesn’t want you. Why the fuck do I keep mentally and emotionally abusing myself over a nigga that honestly could give two shits about my feelings?
I hate when someone doesn’t see or realize how much you love and care for them and almost take you for granted.
I think the last straw for me was yesterday when I was asking him how his day is going after not talking to him for the past 2 weeks. The convo was so fucking dry like sandpaper when I know he doesn’t talk like that. With everyone else he makes jokes, talks shits, and actually puts effort into the convo but now with me… everything is short and bland, and it honestly just turned me off even more. But I have this tiny little hope that I can change his mind. Smh.
It’s like he chased me when I wasn’t paying his ass no mind (not that I tried to ignore him cause he was super cool, but I just didn’t see him on that level at that point because I knew the age difference was a little too much at first and also the distance between us, but he seem determined. Texting me 2 times in a row, calling when I didn’t answer his text right away. Calling me everyday after he got off work, before he went to bed just cause he wanted me to be the last person that he talked to before he went to sleep.
But now the shoe is on the other foot. 🙁
Wait..LB4. No offense, but you sound very gullible and easy. This line right here told it all. “We tried to be just friends, but he always has to bring up something about how “phat” my ass is compared to other niggas he fucks with and how he wanna bang me out all night.” Really? That’s what draws you back to him every time. It sounds like he’s just assures you on how good your sex is and how good you look which is not enough for most people. What about him giving you his undivided attention and actually wanting to commit to you? That’s what should draw you back to him, not the sex bullshit. I will applaud you because you must have some good shit and know how to put it down if you got him coming back and running game on you lol. However, if you truly want more you wouldn’t settle for that pillow talk. I think you need to re-evaluate your own self to figure out why you keep falling for his bullshit.
@TheMan…. I agree with you to a fault, but me and him have never had sex. It’s confusing because we have an emotional connection out of this world and we started off as friends but it led to something deeper but no commitment. We both expressed interest around the same time, he said it first but im thinkin that maybe he just got bored. For some reason tho, he still keep me around versus other niggas that he fucked with.
I’m young and I know I still got a lot to learn but its just been heavy on my heart.
Emotional connections fuck you up more than just “FWB”. smh
Hey LB4, I am a little late to the partying in replying but man Im much older and have alot more life experience but let me tell you, I was reading this at work today on my phone, and was touched by this situation, but had to wait until I got home to reply. I am in a situation similar to yours right at this minute. I too am usually strong or at least I try to be, I have met a couple of dudes these past few years, never got too attached or worried when it fizzled out, but I met this dude a month ago who has turned me on my head. I am almost kicking my own ass for even falling for this dude, but I guess its always one. Well this dude pursued me at a function, I really wasn’t paying him any attention. Well we finally went out and had a a good time and then boom, I didn’t hear from his ass for a whole week after texting him. I was like what did I do, am I being dumped this fast, really wtf is going on. Well lo and behold he text me out of the blue like he had just talked to me. This is the mistake I made, I eagerly answered right back, the usual me would have not even bothered, but this dude got my nose wide open. I was happy as shit he got back in touch with me.
Well, we hooked up again and had good time, and Bam, the same damn thing this week. I cant figure it out. I try to front with my friends that I am cool, but inside I am going crazy. He finally admitted that he is not over an ex and he is not ready for anything serious. Its like he knows he got me now. I could so relate to the idea of a dude who is hot one minute and cold the next. Its like they run after you, and when you stop to be caught, they run in the other direction. It will literally drive you crazy if you let it. Im mad at myself because I really want this dude to be my Boo and I already see that he is selfish and puts me on the back burner until he is ready to be bothered. Just wanted to let you know that you are not by yourself, we probably have all dealt with this type of dude, and he is not my first. It just takes time to rid yourself of these feelings. You hit the nail on the head when you said that you can have 50 other dudes who want you, but its that one who you want, I have other dudes getting at me all the time, but I cant shake this dude at least for now. Of course when I come to the foxhole, I get super power strength to deal with these jack asses.
I’m in this situation right now.
For the first time ever, I have absolutely no advice to give.
Whats going on in your situation if you don’t mind sharing a little?
Pretty much the same exact situation. Invested way too much in a temporary investment.
Preach Jamari!
U are so right. U have to treat ppl the way they treat u otherwise they take u for granted. Just learn a lesson from this experience & keep it moving
Believe me, Karma is a fat bitch, obese, and it will come back on him.
The advice Jamari gave was flawless. Between him and The Man they did that.
I’ve made that mistake a few times: loving a person or even liking he has no love for you.
Ooh that sucks
This man has you going crazy while he is living his life freely with no worries at all. He ain’t stressing, so you shouldn’t either. This kind of stuff happens between people all the time whether they are just talking or in a relationship. Everyone nowadays has some sort of ulterior motive, whether it’s financial stability, sex or even just a place to stay. I tell people that you have to just be prepared for anything. Hope for the best, but be prepared for the worst. Being walked all over can easily be avoided. It doesn’t hurt to put your tough face and be hard on them at first so that they know where you are coming from and know what you will and will not allow. Set your standards early.