He broke your heart.
He broke you.
Now he is in another situation on social media.
They look happy.
You looked happy once upon a time with him too.
So seeing them both,
it has annihilated your self-esteem and worth.
that was me yesterday.
it rocked my world because i was expecting the opposite.
i was expecting him to fuck up another person’s life.
nope.
this one seems different.
so my inner control panel wanted to revert to “old jamari“.
i wanted to lay around,
think about why i’m not worth it,
and compare myself to him(and everyone).
i was about to put on sad music to be an emotional wreck but…
AHT!
AHT!
i put on some hip hop and started feeling like the baddest in the building.
i been on heavy drake kick lately and reflected to the take care album.
he has tracks on there about being hurt but it’s different than r&b.
hip hop always comes with cockiness and “i’ll be good” attitude.
i listened to that album all day and a few taylor swift tracks.
not her early work,
but the newest versions of “this love” and “wildest dreams” from 1989.
One for the ages
But if the story’s over
Why am I still writing pages?…”
by night time:
I was in the frame of mind that I didn’t lose anything important.
I went to therapy to become my best and most powerful self.
He jumps into relationships to manipulate others into helping him see/be his best and most powerful self.
we are not the same.
foxhole…
when you’re feeling down,
you can listen to sad shit.
pull out your saddest r&b and cry your eyes out.
after thats over,
turn it around and fill your cup with music to help you see your worth.
for me,
it’s always been hip hop.
for you,
it could be whatever is upbeat.
you aren’t what has left you.
May your neighbors respect you
Trouble neglect you, angels protect you
And heaven accept you…
Jamari, don’t tell a man what you want. He will do 0.1% of it to keep you around and go out of his way to NOT do it with effort. Then when he’s with the one for him, he does all you wanted and more. Many men use you as a placeholder until a spot opens up with who they want. This is why I never believe that “I’m special”. Lord knows they don’t show it with actions.
I’m a seatwarmer.
So accurate. But i would say be intentional
With what you want and communicate. If they can’t meet you where you want to be. Let them go. I’ve never been happier.
I love this! I almost let myself fall into a pity party because this guy I wanted (and he likes me back) is not in the same space I’m in for a relationship. He’s divorced and wants to be free to sow his wild oats not be committed. It took me a minute to wrap my head around that one but I have to respect the fact that he never misled me or devalued me. I was emotionally insecure and immature to see what he was doing and why his approach with me was different. It was a teachable moment because although it sucks that I have to keep looking, at least I’m doing it from a place of clarity of knowing my worth and what I want and I’m learning how to take the blows with grace as oppose to tearing myself down. I’ve been listening to a lot of Alex Isley and Moonchild to help calm and comfort me and PJ Morton who is preaching to me on his latest. Kendrick Lamar will be back soon to give me my gusto. Good music has always been my ongoing therapeutic exercise to keep me balanced.
I’ve never listened to a Drake album in full, only the hits and a track or 2 featuring somebody I like but if I had to pick a Drake album to get into besides More Life, it would be Take Care. My favorite is Too Good with Rihanna! That’s an anthem! Jamari you are such a cancer with Drake and Taylor being your go tos. 😂
^ i’m really attracted to their nature of sharing their emotions on record.
def a cancer thing because i feel them lol
i like what you are listening to as well.
whatever it is that’s keeping you from falling into the pity party,
you gotta keep doing it.
before,
i use to pull out the saddest of r&b and i realized how bad that was for me because it made me wallow in sadness.
Let him go. While it’s understandable that he doesn’t want to jump into anything right away, when men want to do something, they’ll rearrange their life around it. He is not it. And don’t you DARE let him come back after he’s sowed his oats. He literally took a marriage vow, saying he was done with that for the rest of his life. He could have saw where it went with you and that’s the end of that.
Well thank you for this thoughtful comment. Yeah he’s not it, it’s funny once you get to know a person that whatever fantasy you had about them turns out to be the total opposite. I’m not somebody that can just wait in the wings while some guy I like fucks everybody in town and now I’m left with community dick. My pride/ ego won’t allow it. I’m learning what I can compromise on and what I can’t. This chapter of my life will be interesting to say the least. I probably should invest in some toys 🤣