500am Thought Process


i can’t sleep.
i have so much on my mind right now.
i took about 3 benadryls last night,
but i still woke up out my sleep at 500am exactly.
you know what bothers me the most?…

it’s not so much the leaving part,
because you know i was ready to bounce,
but the way how my boss handled it.
it was so supremely messy.
there was so much shady behavior leading up to this point.

my ex co worker ended up calling me right after that last entry.
she wanted to tell me how fucked up the situation was,
but everyone in the department got laid off as well.
she told me that right after i was escorted out,
they were already at my desk erasing all the stuff on my computer.
everyone else went in one by one after.
i was escorted out because my boss thought i would cause a scene.
my co worker told me that she already knew we would all be going today.
my boss told her two weeks ago,
but he didn’t want the rest of us to know.

really?20160623184526_35i guess that is why he thought i would have cause a scene.
i asked him what was going on the other day and he flat out told me:

“we are probably going to change directions and not lay anyone off.
you don’t have to worry about your job!”


so we were pretty much used with these last few deadlines.
either that,
or he knew we would all start taking days off until today.
my sick/vacation days actually just refreshed a while ago.
he stressed us the fuck out to have stuff finished and then gave us the boot.


giphy God will have my back.
i worked very hard and it showed in the reactions i got.
so many co workers and assistants have reached out to me.
an older snow vixen even cried.
i got many references and referrals so that means a lot.
i have to send a “thank you” email to the assistant to the president.
i told her what was happening,
but i didn’t get to say a proper “goodbye”.

as fucked up as it was,
i’m grateful for the outcome.
it was time for it to end.
i won’t argue with God.
i know something better will be a blessing to me soon.


lowkey: how fucked up he did this before thanksgiving?
he also knew i had a death in my family.

Author: jamari fox

the fox invited to the blogging table.

9 thoughts on “500am Thought Process”

  1. These jobs don’t give 2 fucks about people. I have seen too many people miss family events, doctor appointments and other important things for work only to be let go and replaced within 2 weeks. Fuck em.
    You have great skills in writing. Start doing research on how to get paid for what you love doing. This right here is a money maker.
    And for you my brother it is more than keeping your head up during this time We need you to keep your SPIRIT UP!

  2. The thing that I’ve come to realize about jobs is that they are not my source. God is my source! He has NEVER let me fall and stay down, but He’s ALWAYS picked me up, dusted me off, and propelled me further than I ever thought I could/would go. I’m a firm believer that if you trust Him, you’ll never want for anything. Your gifts will make room for you and put you in the presence of powerful men. Just watch God move on your behalf in the next few weeks. Wake up everyday laughing and say, “God I trust you! Your will be done!” You’re going to be just fine Jamari

    1. “The thing that I’ve come to realize about jobs is that they are not my source. God is my source! ”

      You better say say it, Over It!

  3. Your bosses having you escorted out really just showed their guilt if you ask me. I know a lot of companies and higher up don’t give a fuck but deep down they know when they are in the wrong.

    I don’t like to sound too negative but if anything this job has given you some life lessons that you can take with you. I remember when you first got that job and it was going great people like Mr. Green couldn’t get enough of you and your hard work but then over time he started changing and showing his true colors. Whereever your next blessing is just be careful an continue doing your best.

  4. At least your not the only one. Your story kinda reminds me when Print became extinct and departments laid off employees left and right at major magazines. I hope you can put this to past and focus forward, and enjoy the holidays man.

  5. You are in my prayers and like you said everything happens for a reason. God has a better plan for you. Keep your head up. Remember behind every dark cloud there is a silver lining. Stay bless

  6. J you are going to be just fine, you learn so many great lessons at this spot including handling Liar Liar, Work Wolf, the backstabbing things they did, 2-faced Mr. Green. Just always put yourself first because if anything these people showed you that they always think of themselves first. Most of us on jobs always know to feed Snow People with long handled spoons because they will always put their interest or the interest of their people before you. Even your co-worker was shady in my book who told you after the fact.

    I have been there we probably all have. I was at a meeting with the Director and my other co-workers because their were rumors that they were going to cut staff at the company I worked for, the Director assured us no one in our Dept. would be cut. This same director calls me in his office 2 weeks later to tell me that I was being cut. It hit me like a ton of bricks because I trusted what he said in the previous meeting. From that day on, I never trust anybody in management and from that day on. I have done just enough to get by on any job that I did. I will only work hard and passionately for myself now. Just give me a paycheck. I dont look at the situation any other way, I give no fucks about it one way or the other, so if I am fired or let go, I will be okay. I only put energy into bettering myself not any damn job. As a person of color you will have to beat them at their own game. Many times, I have played like I was a manager or company owner to help friends get jobs when they had sketchy references or had some BS go on at a previous job. You are going to be just fine, you got survival in your DNA. You will get the last laugh when they pull the rug off from under those shady ass people you use to work with.

  7. “Sit at my right hand until I make your enemies a footstool for your feet.”

    Honestly, the way your faith/maturity/wisdom is setup somethings gonna work out for you. The way you put things into perspective reflects how great of a leader you will be one day. Your “boss” is simply showing you what a leader shouldn’t do. I feel like God is preparing you for something great. Your just in training right now.

If you wouldn't say it on live TV with all your family and friends watching, without getting canceled or locked up, don't say it on here. Stay on topic, no SPAM, and keep it respectful. Thanks!

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