3:30am

“am i good enough?”
that is the thought running through my mind this morning.
it was 3:30am and i can’t sleep.
no better time than to release my frustrations on the foxhole.
so i went about looking into a recommended advertising company.
they wanted big stats and the foxhole gets lots of it.
the reviews said the compensation is really good.
well i got this back earlier…

at least they were nice.
the other one sent me an automated message as i was shown the door.

“am i good enough” because it seems like i’m not.
honestly,
it made me feel a little down.
i didn’t want to be consumed with fear,
but i felt that creeping up on me too.
i feel like my dreams are so far away.
i have what it takes,
but no one cares to invest in me.
it’s like to the everyone else,
i’m this amazing individual,
but not where it truly matters with my career goals.
that makes me wonder if folks are lying to me?
am i being set up for failure?
i just don’t understand anymore…

lowkey: i’m sorry foxhole.
i’m just frustrated.

Author: jamari fox

the fox invited to the blogging table.

7 thoughts on “3:30am

  1. I understand your frustration, Jamari. I was just asking myself the same question today. So many disappointments back to back, it’s like when will I succeed? When will I be happy? Why do I always feel rejected? What are my “friendships/relationships” always so non-reciprocal and sometimes feel forced? So I guess me telling you this is just a reminder to myself and to you to be resilient in the face of rejection and adversity, and to remember that those who are truly successful have faced rejection countless times before they broke through. That the universe is testing you to see how bad you really want it, so that when the universe rewards you, you will know how to handle and appreciate it. Also, I think you’re just a bit ahead of your time and people don’t know how to assess you/your work because their behind and you’re not the norm. But you and your work are phenomenal. So, just because things aren’t working out how you want them to at the present moment, that doesn’t mean that you’re not “good enough.” Your stats speak for themselves. A lil’ prayer doesn’t hurt either. The right opportunities will come your way as long as you don’t give up. Keep growing. You can’t be denied forever. Stay up champ.

    1. ^hardroc

      thank you for this comment.
      after i wrote it,
      something told me google celebs who were turned down from opportunities.
      it helped to see so many of my personal heroโ€™s that had to go through tons of rejections and adversity.
      some of things they were told when dismissed was pretty hurtful too.

      thanks for taking the time to write this to me.
      very appreciated.

  2. You canโ€™t plCe your worth based off of how others feel about you whether good or bad that alone can drive you into depressions it has for me. You have to build yourself to the point where you know your good whether others believe it or not cause at the end of the day how you feel about yourself reflects on the outhouse believe in yourself and eventually people will start to see your shine! Keep in mind people wonโ€™t always tell you your great some will see and try to destroy your confidence because you have something they are lacking

    1. ^youโ€™re right jason.
      i fell into a negative pit last night,
      but i woke up feeling a little more ready for the world again.
      thank you for leaving this comment.

  3. You be stressing over nothing. Your talents are more apparent than you realize. Do you know how many times I’ve been turned down agents before I decided to build my own. It’s time for you to take charge and find ways to break even through your own means or just keep on trying. Don’t give up though. Keep on working towards your dreams though.

    J.K. Rowling got rejected maybe a hundred of times, was on welfare and probably about to get evicted and she had kids. Look at her now and her Harry Potter franchise….

    If it’s one thing I know, a true failure is one that gives up. I say keep trying and look for other ways….

    Maybe even look into starting your own advertising side business…why not? Get your butt on YouTube if you aren’t already and definitely Instagram if you haven’t got one dedicated to something specific. How do you think some of those Instagram influencers are getting their money? Companies be paying them to advertise through their Instagram because of their public outreach. Your fanbase is pretty big (I believe…I don’t know for sure)but you can start pulling in some change if you get smart with it to be honest.

    You should look into combining your articles with maybe visual footage and putting on Instagram in something like Hot News or InstaNews or whatever. …put the appropriate hashtags and start snagging them folks..

    I believe Instagram is worth like maybe billions and companies be on there because soical media is the new TV….

    (All the damn ads Poppin up while I’m trying to look at nekkid menz…)oops… I mean look at cute baby animals. ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚

  4. I also read that this one chick charges companies like thousands of dollars per post. It’s time to get smart…The OF thots doing it (I gotta stop calling them thots but I’ve gotten so used to saying the word…๐Ÿ™„) The OF attentionistos be doing it.๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚

    You can find several ways to pulling cash though so keep at it and don’t give up!!

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