i was sitting on my couch,
reading a book,
and i started to drift into some sad place.
it’s a saturday night and i’m home.
i have no money in my cc account to spend,
no friends i would really want to hang with,
and lord knows i would love to buy myself something pretty.
i suddenly caught myself in my feelings.
i decided to counter it.
which was weird as hell for me.
i usually go deep when i’m depressed,
over thinking and all kinds of shit,
but i’m tired of that.
i looked at things from a positive standpoint.
you would have been proud of me…
i have my own spot which,
with god’s grace,
i’m able to afford even though i have no job.
unemployment isn’t the greatest,
but my bills are paid.
i use to be a serious spend a holic,
cause i can burn up a credit card,
but i learned to put myself on an iron clad budget.
who woulda thunk jamari fox would learn to budget?
i have food in my fridge so i’m not starving to death.
i went from not knowing how to cook period,
to star fox teaching me how to prepare simple things,
and then going buck wild in the kitchen.
i have a lot of luxuries that not many people can’t say they have.
i can’t find a job now,
really looking for a career,
but i have a good resume that will lead me to something good soon.
i was one of the highest paid at my last job so that maybe something.
i maybe single now,
but i have had relations with fine wolves in my past.
i never had any stds because i am very focused on making sure my health is in tact.
i don’t give myself credit for being a good person.
sure i’m not perfect,
but i’m not like these ratchets in these streets.
i will give you the courtesy of an explanation before i cuss you out.
i’m not an asshole for no reason.
i do like to help people even when it’s not returned by them.
ive been lucky to be in vip sections,
met a ton of celebs,
been around the wealthy,
and just been everywhere.
now my life has hit a road block that has stalled me aka “sat me the fuck down”.
it’s only temporary.
if you would have asked me 7 years ago if i would have a website
that touched a lot of lives,
i would have probably punched you in the face.
and the fact i maintained something for four years is a big deal for me.
the crazier part is if you google me,
i come up.
that is wild.
if god decided to take my life tonight,
or next week i can say i had a good run.
it wasn’t perfect and it sure had its share of speed bumps.
that’s life, right?
we all have had our crosses to bear in our journeys.
i feel god has a lot more in store for me.
i need to try and remember all this every time i feel depressed.
when i question why things aren’t going the way i want them too,
and it can be hard because sometimes it can be a bitch,
but i have to remember ive been blessed.
anyone reading should also try and remember your blessings as well.
things could be worse and in every mess is a message.
try to find it.